CHAPTER 1
“Well Cilly, we are going to have to make us some examples out of a few ass holes out there who think it’s OK to give us the finger when we come begging for money,” said the president’s wife.
“Well, just who did you have in mind honey,” Asked the President?
“Oh I can think of a few,” she said.
“Ok I’m listening.”
“Well sugar plum," She said. "We have a big job in front of us; so let’s aim both high and low. After all, we want it all right: The Presidency, the House, the senate and the Supreme Court. It is all ours for the taking; if you have the guts and the smarts to listen to me and do what is necessary to get this done. After all behind every great system and fortune is a crime; because true genius always figures out how to break the rules and not get caught!”
“Oh baby I love the way you think. So let’s hear what is going on between those mean, cruel, disgusting and most important evil little ears of yours.”
“Come on your Yale alum, this isn’t rocket science; you should be able to figure this out all by yourself Bubba!”
“What Baby? Please tell me.”
“AHH—why do I always have to do all the tam dinking around here,” asked the First Lady?
“So Baby,” He said. “Are we still playing by the same old rules? The end justifies the means; perception is reality, and my personal favorite; the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
“I am so glad to see you are finally catching on. We are almost there. We are so close I can taste it! Never in all of history has anyone had everything politically perfect. The economy is cyclical and you are lucky enough to have caught a huge up swing, and you get all the credit because it is going to happen during your first term. So don’t mess this up. Just follow my lead; I will see to it everything we do will be absolutely plausibly deniable.”
From: "schafer.steve@comcast.net" <schafer.steve@comcast.net>
To: Allen McCall <mccall.allen@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, February 26, 2010 9:26:01 AM
Subject: Re: AN EVIL RISE TO POWER
To: Allen McCall <mccall.allen@yahoo.com>
Sent: Fri, February 26, 2010 9:26:01 AM
Subject: Re: AN EVIL RISE TO POWER
Hey,
I think you are right the writing is interesting, but I'm not sure the premise of a presidential level conspiracy will appeal to too many people. Sorry I can't help you with this and here is why:
I used to love to watch Fox news. During the Clinton administration and Bush administration I was all over politics and thought Fox was about the best. When a big story broke, I would love to switch back and forth between CNN and Fox and analyze the TV news bias. I would get all worked up over politicians making bad discussion for our country and I had an opinion on lots of issues.
Now, the left and right bashing the other side has gone over the top for me. I am literally sick to my stomach and I can't take another word. I avoid national TV news like the plague. I watch morning local TV news, sometimes. Other than that, I watch comedy reruns and read the sports page if a paper is around.
As an example, when I first heard of the Haiti earthquake, I turned on Fox. They made brief mention of it at the top of the hour, then went straight back to their lineup of talking heads, and went on and on for hours - literally - with fervor and seriousness - discussing and bashing the left because the left was discussing and bashing Sara Palin because she wrote a note to herself on her hand (or something ridicules like that). There were 200,000 + dead in Haiti! Imagine what they are like when they get a hold of a real issue on a slow news day!
Seriously, for my own sanity, I am dropping out. I don't want to see, hear, or talk about anything related to politicians or politics - even if it is only fiction.
Suicide by politician
From: | Allen McCall <mccall.allen@yahoo.com> View Contact | |
To: | schafer.steve@comcast.net; greg@khow.com |
Steve, I respect and admire your position. My story is going to be more about bad things happening to good people. I whole heatedly believe we are up against pure evil in our political system and they exposed them self's in the process of trying to destroy, I think and believe both you and I. I do feel it is necessary to expose them because evil people prevail when good men do nothing!!! For reason's I think I understand but cannot prove, the terrible thing that was done did not stick.
I have a drive inside me that makes me feel alive when I write. I am happy when I am doing it. This is no longer about money for me it is about me being able to find a little enjoyment out of my time here on planet earth. I think I will be able to write a fictional, fractional truth novel that I will enjoy doing and hopefully others will enjoy reading. I know you will wish me the best and probably even pray that I be successful with this novel. I won't bother you with any more of this until it's done. Just know this, Steve writing makes me happy, it is what I think I'm good at, my gift is the ability to write, I want to use and enjoy doing it.
Again thanks for your opinion and comments, I know you are not alone in the way you feel about out two party systems. Here again non participation of people who think like you and I only helps the evil people in this world to succeed.
I think the best we can do with our two battling sides is keep them at a 50/50 margin so the best we can ever achieve is one stinking lame duck after another. That's what I think any way. Politics SUCKS this is for sure!!!!!!
Hello my name is Martin. I am a seer. Take this for what it is worth. It is only what I think. The names have been changed to protect no one!!!!!!! I may be wrong but I don’t think so. You decide. Welcome to my Suicide by politician!
Cillyiam Jeffersom Winton and Bullary Ramrodem Winton moved into the White House, and the rules as we knew them changed; and not for the greater good either.
“Baby I have an Idea that might help us,” the President said.
“Oh really what’s that honey,” Billary replied.
“Well I was thinking about what you said the day we moved in here. You said there is a crime behind every fortune, right.”
“Wow, you really were listening,” she said.
“OK, now it’s your turn to listen,” he said.
She nodded.
“Can you think of a better way to control our enemies than to find out as many of those fortune crimes as possible, and use that info against them,” he asked?
“OH sweetie pie you are coming along just fine. Please tell me what you’re thinking. I really—really—really like the way this conversation is going,” she said.
“OK, HAAA— here it is Baby. The FBI has files on People that don’t particularly like us right; people with lots and lots of money, the People in charge of the investigators and prosecutors; those kinds of people. Are you with me so far?”
“Actually I’m way ahead of you on this Cilly! Those files you’re talking about are right now in the basement being copied. But I’m actually impressed you got that far all by yourself. Good job Bubba,” she said.
“At least we are finally starting to think alike. That’s a good thing right?”
“You—betcha—butter—buns, good for us and no one else, just the way I like it,” she said
“Honey you’re being selfish,” the commander–in–chief replied.
“So quit wasting my valuable time and tell me something I don’t know, ass hole!”
I really wish you wouldn’t get so mad so quickly all the time. The president thought to himself.
“So tell me honey how did you get those files,” asked the president?
“Trust me on this one, you don’t know and you don’t want to know. The less you know about these details the better off we are. Learn this now, and learn it fast and good; plausible deniability requires some ignorance. For you, when it comes to details ignorance is bliss!”
“OK baby, you lie by it and I'll swear to it. OH Bullary there is one more thing we need to talk about,” Cilly said.
“What’s that Mr. President?”
“OH yeah Baby, I love—love—love the sound of that one. Well anyway, at our big brouhaha the other night. Did you see how Cill Bosby showed up dressed for our big night; corn cob pipe and everything? That was complete disrespect. Don’t you agree?”
“Yes Mr. President that was very disrespectful. Kind a like spitting in your face, I’d say. Are you going to let him get away with behavior like that?”
HELL NO!!!!!! I am not going to let him get away with that. I fight back and I don’t fight fair either! Nobody spits in the face of Cillyiam Jeffersom Winton and gets away with it, EVER!”
“HMM—I wonder which one of my pardoned thugs will work best for this one.”
“I think its Guy’s turn. He is the smartest. You know those Bosby boys are smart, so be careful with this one,” said the first Lady.
“Honey, isn’t it amazing what a bad piece of ass bought us with this asset Guy. He was just one BJ away from the electric chair,” Cilly said.
“What are you talking about Cilly?”
“Come on honey don’t you remember? Guy was the one Juanita wanted executed, in fact if she had done what I asked her to do, Guy would have been fried by now. But I am glad it worked out the way it did. Guy has been un–fricken believable; never leaves one single clue, he has proved himself to be my best wet work asset.”
“Mr. President, I hope you have this Guy training and recruiting, we could use more just like him, that is for sure!”
CHAPTER 2
Hello, it’s me Martin again. Let me tell you Guy’s story; it’s a good one!
Guy is a Vet Nam Vet. He was over there in that hell Whole when his chopper was shot down. There were 4 Special Forces soldiers on that chopper. Everybody was killed in that crash; accept for Guy who came out of that crash without a scratch. It went down in deep jungle 50 miles from its base. Guy took it on himself to drag all three of his dead fellow Soldiers all the way back to base in deep jungle, 50 miles deep into enemy controlled territory. Guy told me it took him 3 months to get himself and his 3 dead back to base.
Guy received a Silver Star for bravery and duty, and he was given an honorable discharge and sent home. Guy told me he was hurt by that. He felt he should have been awarded the Medal of Honor. So the Silver Star went into the China Sea on the way back home. Guy was pissed!
Guy told me that he was traveling across the country after he came back from the Vet Nam war as a decorated Silver Star recipient. Guy was homeless, broke, drunk and hungry when he decided to break into a school house in Arkansas and get something to eat. Guy told me he was caught by a man who worked at that school, Guy was raiding the fridge. Guy told me that he took a knife and killed the man that caught him eating stolen food from the school’s cafeteria. Guy was soon caught, then convicted and deemed criminally insane and condemned to die in Arkansas’ electric char.
July 4th 1988
“Good morning Sugar Plumb,” Killary said.
“Good morning sweetie pie. You know we need to keep an eye on Guy and make sure he’s staying off the radar screen,” Cilly said.
“Let’s make sure he’s watched real close, we have big plans for him, and I know he’s going to be perfect for a lot of our dirty work. So let’s make sure he now knows his pardon was not free,” She said.
“We should also find out if anybody has tied him to that Juanita bimbo. If anybody ever figures out she had an interest in his execution, our goose is cooked,” said the future President.
“This Guy is so important we should mic him and have him listened to and tracked 24/7. You know we have the technology to do this now. Its fun stuff lets us play god, and you know I love—love—love to play god,” he said.
“Hey Bubba, do you know the difference between you and God?”
“Why no snuggles, I can’t see any difference at all between me and God.”
“Well Mr. Future President, I see it like this: The difference between you and God is; God doesn’t think he’s you.”
OH Honey—Bun, you’re a real Rosie MacDonald this morning. That was a funny one—ha—ha—ha!”
“Well anyway Mr. Future President; there has been just a little trouble with Guy. It seems Guy has been shooting his mouth off at AA meetings in Denver CO. about being set free from Arkansas’s Death Row. I heard he almost got his ass kicked at one of those AA meetings by this big Gorilla jock type named Martin Allen McCall It happened at an AA meeting last month. We had eyes on him that day, I heard it was hilarious. Here’s this big scary gorilla looks like he could go through a brick wall, telling one of the best special forces trained killers ever produced by the army that he was going to kick the shit out of his degenerate ass if he ever talked bad about his best friend ever again.”
“OUCH—how did Guy take it? He didn’t hurt him did he? You know Guy hates to be disrespected,” he asked.
“Shit Bullary, that kind of talk must stop!!!!!! The fewer people that know it was me that set him free, the better off we will be.”
“Do you think maybe it’s time we contacted him about our plans for him and how important he is going to be in establishing our fantastic NEW WORLD ORDER,” she asked?
“Yes honey I think it’s time we tell him to shut the hell up about Arkansas’s death row pardon, and also we’ll give him the conditions of his pardon. I know he will be a fantastic asset,” he said.
July 5th 1988
Ring–ring–ring———ring–ring–ring… “Hello this is Guy.”
“Please hold for Governor Cillyiam Jeffersom Winton!”
OH MY GOD! I got a call from my savior, this is fantastic! Guy thought to himself.
“Hello Guy, how are you these days?”
“My lord, I’m doing great! I’m living here in Denver CO.; I’m making some new friends. The people here have been fantastic. They have welcomed me with open arms. I’m getting lots and lots of help from the wonderful people in AA here.”
“Guy, I saved you because I need a man like you, I’ve got big plans for you. I need your undivided loyalty. Can you give me your word that I have that from you?”
“Yes my lord, I give you my word; if you say go do, I’ll go do, without question. You have my word and my complete undivided loyalty!”
“AWESOME!!!!!! That’s what I wanted to hear from you. Together we are going to change the world. Now listen, you have made some minor mistakes already.”
“OH no, please forgive me, my lord. What must I do to make right the wrongs I have caused you?”
“Guy I need you to stop talking about Arkansas’s death row pardon, and also it is never wise to discuss the fact that you were ever in prison. The fewer people that know that, the better off we will be.”
“Why is that, my lord?”
“The thing that keeps most people from doing things that will land them in prison is the gay sex that happens in places like that. Most smart people know men don’t give up sex just because they go to prison. So if you keep telling people you were ever in prison most of those people have a vision of you with a dick in your mouth. So stop talking like that, got it!”
“Yes my lord.”
“Good, I will be calling on you in the near future. And Guy I will be counting on you, so whatever you do, don’t let me down. Is that understood?”
“Yes my lord. You can count on me, I’m yours no matter what, I promise!”
“Last but not least… Guy if anybody ever figures out Juanita Broaddrick was interested in your execution, I need to know immediately!!!!!! Is that understood?”
“Yes my lord I hear you loud and clear!”
“Good, please wait for instructions,” the Governor said.
August 10th 1988
“Mr. Future President, there is a little more trouble with Guy.”
“What is it now Bullary?”
“Do you remember that big Gorilla that almost kicked Guy’s ass last month at that AA meeting?”
“Yeah I remember that discussion, what’s up now?”
“Well my love, it seems Guy and that gorilla are now friends and Guy helped him out with a little work. It seems Martin (the gorilla) lost his job and needed some money, so Guy hired him to help him with his HUD gig he’s got going,” she said.
“So what’s the problem,” he asked?
“Well Mr. Future President they were working out of town so they got a hotel room and that gorilla is starting to ask some questions I’m not comfortable with. In fact Guy told him about his crime being a school house murder. Then the Gorilla asked Guy why he was so lucky to receive a full pardon form Death Row. Guy has been telling people in AA the same story; that he doesn’t know why he was set free. He is calling it an act of God: He was just free one day. He is saying he was just let go for no reason that he knows of.”
“OK baby let’s put the Gorilla under surveillance and keep an eye on him as well. Now stop worrying, we are going to win the election, you need to stop being so paranoid all the time. We are going to do this; I don’t see how we can fail. It’s not even going to be close with Ross Parrot running, he will split the conservative vote, we are a shoe in, it’s almost a done deal.”
Hey it’s me Martin again.
Let me get your attention by telling you this: If you ever meet anybody pardoned by Bill Clinton, if you know what’s good for you, DON’T ASK THEM ANY QUESTIONS!!! That’s what happened to me, there is a man in Denver named Guy who received a full pardon from death row in Arkansas over 20 years ago. I met this guy at my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting at an AA club called “Day at a Time” in Littleton Co.; this has always been my home group. It is absolutely incredible, terrible, scary and cruel what happened to me after I figured out there is a Juanita Broaddrick connection to this Guy’s case.
Juanita Broaddrick is an Arkansas woman who clams Bill Clinton RAPED her during a private meeting in a hotel room. It is verifiable that Juanita did have a private meeting with Bill Clinton, but nobody knows what happened at that meeting or why she was there. I learned from watching the Geraldo Rivera Show on MSNBC back in 1999 that Juanita had a best friend whose father was murdered in a school house and that murderer was on death row, and pardoned by Bill Clinton. I had remembered Guy told me over 20 years ago that he was traveling across the country after he came back from the Vet Nam war as a decorated Silver Star recipient Guy was angry because he felt like he deserved the Medal of Honor. Guy killed a man in a school house. Guy was caught, then convicted and deemed criminally insane and condemned to die in Arkansas’ electric char. Governor Bill Clinton saved Guy’s life and set him free. Guy left Arkansas and came to Denver and started attending AA meetings at the AA club called Day at a Time in Littleton Co...
Juanita Broaddrick is an Arkansas woman who clams Bill Clinton RAPED her during a private meeting in a hotel room. It is verifiable that Juanita did have a private meeting with Bill Clinton, but nobody knows what happened at that meeting or why she was there. I learned from watching the Geraldo Rivera Show on MSNBC back in 1999 that Juanita had a best friend whose father was murdered in a school house and that murderer was on death row, and pardoned by Bill Clinton. I had remembered Guy told me over 20 years ago that he was traveling across the country after he came back from the Vet Nam war as a decorated Silver Star recipient Guy was angry because he felt like he deserved the Medal of Honor. Guy killed a man in a school house. Guy was caught, then convicted and deemed criminally insane and condemned to die in Arkansas’ electric char. Governor Bill Clinton saved Guy’s life and set him free. Guy left Arkansas and came to Denver and started attending AA meetings at the AA club called Day at a Time in Littleton Co...
I think it is a well known fact that Bill Clinton is a sexual predator. Here is what I think: When I asked Guy if Juanita Broaddrick had an interest in his execution. He told me yes she did. Guy told me that Juanita and her friend made it their mission in life to see to it that he went to the electric chair. Then right after I asked him that question he started to act very strange. Everything about him changed after I asked him that question. Right after I asked that question is when I started to notice that there seemed to be a lot of spooky drama coming at me. I felt like people were watching me.
I think Juanita wanted an execution. I am pretty sure Bill Clinton wanted a BJ in exchange for an execution: So I think Bubba said to Juanita, “Baby, give me a BJ and I’ll kill that Guy! I think Juanita said no to the BJ; so Bubba got mad, then he raped her and vindictively set Guy free. That’s what I think, I may be wrong, but I don’t think so…
I met Guy at my first AA meeting in May of 1988. I was in a treatment center for alcoholism and drug addiction and this treatment center (New Beginnings) took all of us in that treatment center to a meeting at an AA club (Day at a Time). I was bothered by something they were telling all of us at that time in treatment. They were teaching all of us in treatment that one thing we must all do to stay sober is to change our playmates and playpens. I had a problem with that; I have a very good best friend and I was not willing to give that friendship up to stay sober.
At that meeting the person chairing the meeting asked if anyone had a topic for discussion. So I piped the hell up and went on to say I did not agree with what I was being taught in treatment about giving up all my old friends in order to stay sober. I tried to explain that Steve (my best friend) was a good man that drank, but friends are hard to come by and I at that time thought it was not necessary for me to give up my best friend to stay sober. Guy piped the hell up after I spoke at that meeting and went on to compare my best friend Steve with his degenerate buddies from death row. I would have none of that so after Guy spoke and insulted me and my best friend, I double dipped and harpooned Guy at my very first meeting. I said “how dare you compare my best friend Steve with your degenerate buddies from death row! If you ever say anything bad about Steve again I’ll get up out of this chair and beat the hell out of your degenerate ass, Got It Good!!!”
I met Guy at my first AA meeting in May of 1988. I was in a treatment center for alcoholism and drug addiction and this treatment center (New Beginnings) took all of us in that treatment center to a meeting at an AA club (Day at a Time). I was bothered by something they were telling all of us at that time in treatment. They were teaching all of us in treatment that one thing we must all do to stay sober is to change our playmates and playpens. I had a problem with that; I have a very good best friend and I was not willing to give that friendship up to stay sober.
At that meeting the person chairing the meeting asked if anyone had a topic for discussion. So I piped the hell up and went on to say I did not agree with what I was being taught in treatment about giving up all my old friends in order to stay sober. I tried to explain that Steve (my best friend) was a good man that drank, but friends are hard to come by and I at that time thought it was not necessary for me to give up my best friend to stay sober. Guy piped the hell up after I spoke at that meeting and went on to compare my best friend Steve with his degenerate buddies from death row. I would have none of that so after Guy spoke and insulted me and my best friend, I double dipped and harpooned Guy at my very first meeting. I said “how dare you compare my best friend Steve with your degenerate buddies from death row! If you ever say anything bad about Steve again I’ll get up out of this chair and beat the hell out of your degenerate ass, Got It Good!!!”
Now let me tell you what happened 20 years later: At the end of April 2007, my brother kicked me out of his house. It was during my attempt to make an amends to my brother when the shit hit the fan. I was trying to explain to my brother what I had been through and what I thought the cause of my problem was. I told my brother that I thought my problem was the complete inability to make sane sound decisions. Bad decisions caused no friends and no friends caused SELF LOATHING. I told my brother that I had a hater between my ears that wanted to kill me. I had just finished the first 17 pages of my story that was really just a letter to my uncle Jim in prison. I had started to work the steps of AA and I was on step 9 (Made direct amends to those we had harmed accept when to do so would injure them or others). I had over stayed my welcome at my brother’s home; he and his bitchy wife were very upset with me. I really wanted my family to understand what I was going through.
July 1999:
“Hey Bubba, it seems we have some more trouble to deal with.”
“What’s that sugar plum?”
“Well it’s that Guy and the big scary gorilla Martin again.”
“OH no, what is it this time Baby?”
“Well honey dripper; it seems the big scary Gorilla (Martin) was watching Geraldo the other night on MSNBS and the big dummy (Geraldo) was talking about the Juanita Broaddrick rape allegations. Geraldo made mention of the school house murderer you pardoned and set free. Geraldo spun it in our favor; he said the reason Juanita is mad at you and claiming you raped her, is because you set the killer free that murdered her best friend’s father at a school house. Martin saw that show then picked up his phone and called Guy, he asked Guy if you stayed in contact with him. Guy deflected the question by changing the subject. I think Martin bought it and I’m sure it won’t go any further.”
“So why are you worried about that Killary,” asked the President.
“OK listen up, stupfuck!!! I have been worried about this big brute for 11 years now. This stud is no dummy. In fact, I’ve been hearing we should recruit him; he has an IQ that out weights him; he is a very sexy 250#. He doesn’t know it because he slipped through the cracks of our system. Nobody has guided or nurtured him, listen, trust and believe me; this Gorilla can either help or destroy us. We need to bring him on board or get rid of him.”
“Bullary, we could use a big scary Gorilla; I love to scare the shit out of some people, it’s good for our pocket book. You know nothing works better than intimidation, when it comes to begging for money!!!”
It’s me Martin again.
Here is what happened to me when my brother kicked me out of his house. I had Guy’s phone # I had ran into him a few months back and got his number at an AA meeting. I was starting to think maybe the reason I had not been successful at staying sober long term was because the sponsors I had were not very smart. I was thinking I needed a smart sponsor. The smartest man I know in AA in Denver was Guy. Guy is very smart but he is scary smart (criminal mind). I wanted to go through the steps with men that I thought were the best and the brightest. After I moved in with Guy I started to see something about this Guy wasn’t right. In fact this man scared the shit out of me, he is a murderer that spent the better part of 2 decades on death row; then released by a wacked out megalomaniac politician named Bill Clinton. OMG how could I be so gullible, and stupid.
May, 2007:
“Hey Pooky, you are not going to believe this,” Killary said.
“What, butter cup?”
“Well Cilly, it seems Martin, Guy’s friend has decided to rent a room, form guess who.”
“OK baby I give up, who?”
“Guy himself, unbelievable isn’t it? It looks like Guy will be able to supervise the entire recruit testing operation we are going to do on Martin.”
“Are you sure he will be good for us,” he asked?
“No ass hole! I’m not sure the Gorilla is going to be good for us! You’re the one that thought he would be useful to us, not me.”
“So when did you decide to start listening to me,” he wanted to know?
“Well Peaches, after I read his profile; I became convinced he has potential. Look Mr. President, the gorilla is a super sexy 250#, he’s as sharp as they come, and here is the thing I like the most about him; everybody is convinced he has 0 fear. We have been watching him for 19 years now and we did not get rid of him even though he knows Juanita wanted Guy fried for killing her best friend’s father.”
Hey it’s me Martin again, here is the good shit!!! It just doesn’t get any better than this. Hold on to your ass with both hands your going for one hell of a ride!
I am now convinced that because I was accused by FBI Agent Brian Schmidt out of Denver CO. 303-629-7171 as being the ANTHRAX KILLER. Brian Schmidt stuck his finger in my face and accused me of killing people with ANTHRAX. I am sure he was not playing some sick twisted joke when he did that. He was serious, and then put me on a “terrorist watch list.” However, Brian is a smart good man who figured this out long before I did, and tried to tell me using other people that it was Bill Clinton that was after me and there was not a thing he could do about it. He knew Clinton is above the law and can kill people with ANTHRAX, for political gain, and get away with it. This really sucks, evil mad megalomaniac politicians can dream up terrible evil and pull off deadly shenanigans, make it look like someone else did it, and get away with it!
HEY GUY—YOU SUCK BITCH!
Now somebody is trying to keep me homeless, broke and discredited so nobody will care or believe my story. Father GOD I ask in Jesus name that you will put the right person in my life that can and will help me out of this situation and stop an evil mad megalomaniac politician trying to pick up right where Adolph Hitler left off. This is all I can do; write my story and pray GOD will see to it the right person reads it. Father GOD if it be your will please make it so! AMEN…
What would you think if you had something like this happen to you???????
It was a cool Monday morning in May of 2007 at about 8:15 am. I was standing on the porch of a building, an old house that had been called York St an AA club right next to down town Denver. The 7:00 am meeting had just ended. I didn’t have anything to do that day so I prayed this. “God what should I do today?” Then I had a thought that seemed strange to me… The thought I had was this: “Get back to your room it’s going to be AWESOME!” I said to myself “hmm– that was strange but OK”.
I got into my car and started to drive back to my hotel room on the corner of Colfax and Garrison, as I was driving I prayed again. “God what do you want me to do when I get there?” Again, I had another strange thought. “You have some things to mail right?” I did have a couple things I needed to get in the mail. My driver’s license had been suspended for not paying my child support. I had paid my child support in full and I had to pay $60.00 to the department of motor vehicles to get my driving privileges reinstated. This payment could only be sent through the mail, I couldn’t just go pay it at the DMV.
When I got to my room I grabbed my envelopes, stamps and the paperwork needed to be sent off along with my payment. As I sat down to fill out envelops and paperwork there was a knock on my door. When I opened the door, to my surprise there were about six Lakewood police officers, two FBI agents, and a Federal Postal Inspector. I had no idea what was going on so I asked the officer’s. “What’s wrong?” They said they needed to talk to me about something that happened at the company that just fired me a couple days ago. I said, “OK come in.” When they came into my room they told me someone mailed a package or letter with a powder in it to the company that just fired me. I said, “I didn’t do that.” Then they started to ask me questions about my life and family. I answered there rapid fire questions. Then one of the cops in my room asked me about my blue binder that was lying on my bed. I told the cops that the blue binder had documents in it pertaining to my recovery from Alcoholism. Most people in recovery do a lot of writing. One of the cops asked me if I minded if he has a look at the documents. I said, “Sure go ahead.” When the cop opened my blue binder he said, “Sir I think you did it!!!” I said, “They copied that!”
Now somebody is trying to keep me homeless, broke and discredited so nobody will care or believe my story. Father GOD I ask in Jesus name that you will put the right person in my life that can and will help me out of this situation and stop an evil mad megalomaniac politician trying to pick up right where Adolph Hitler left off. This is all I can do; write my story and pray GOD will see to it the right person reads it. Father GOD if it be your will please make it so! AMEN…
What would you think if you had something like this happen to you???????
It was a cool Monday morning in May of 2007 at about 8:15 am. I was standing on the porch of a building, an old house that had been called York St an AA club right next to down town Denver. The 7:00 am meeting had just ended. I didn’t have anything to do that day so I prayed this. “God what should I do today?” Then I had a thought that seemed strange to me… The thought I had was this: “Get back to your room it’s going to be AWESOME!” I said to myself “hmm– that was strange but OK”.
I got into my car and started to drive back to my hotel room on the corner of Colfax and Garrison, as I was driving I prayed again. “God what do you want me to do when I get there?” Again, I had another strange thought. “You have some things to mail right?” I did have a couple things I needed to get in the mail. My driver’s license had been suspended for not paying my child support. I had paid my child support in full and I had to pay $60.00 to the department of motor vehicles to get my driving privileges reinstated. This payment could only be sent through the mail, I couldn’t just go pay it at the DMV.
When I got to my room I grabbed my envelopes, stamps and the paperwork needed to be sent off along with my payment. As I sat down to fill out envelops and paperwork there was a knock on my door. When I opened the door, to my surprise there were about six Lakewood police officers, two FBI agents, and a Federal Postal Inspector. I had no idea what was going on so I asked the officer’s. “What’s wrong?” They said they needed to talk to me about something that happened at the company that just fired me a couple days ago. I said, “OK come in.” When they came into my room they told me someone mailed a package or letter with a powder in it to the company that just fired me. I said, “I didn’t do that.” Then they started to ask me questions about my life and family. I answered there rapid fire questions. Then one of the cops in my room asked me about my blue binder that was lying on my bed. I told the cops that the blue binder had documents in it pertaining to my recovery from Alcoholism. Most people in recovery do a lot of writing. One of the cops asked me if I minded if he has a look at the documents. I said, “Sure go ahead.” When the cop opened my blue binder he said, “Sir I think you did it!!!” I said, “They copied that!”
The reason I was fired form that job was, I had left my blue binder laying around at work and some ass hole copied those very personal documents and gave them to the human recourses director Yvonne Scum was her name, a ugly lady that looked just like Quell Devil, and she fired me for leaving those documents lying around at work.
The cops seemed to be amused at this point and I never felt like I was in any danger of being arrested. I was however, just a little freaked out; the police just accused me of an act of terrorism. I had an attorney’s phone number stored in my cell phone so I called him. He answered and I told him there were half a dozen cops, FBI agents and a postal inspector in my room and they wanted to talk to me about a crime of mailing something through the mail that caused them to shut down a company that I got fired from so they could send in a haz—mat team to find out what that powder was. When the cop accused me of the crime, right after he opened my blue binder, I immediately assumed one of my recovery documents must have been in the package or envelop with the powder, and that’s why the cops are here in my room investigating me. The Attorney that I called told me to sit down shut up and hand my phone to the cops. I said to the cops, “here my attorney wants to talk to you.” The cops laughed and refused to talk to my attorney.
Something was up, I could tell by the way the cops treated me they knew something about this crime and I had nothing to fear. One of the officers, an attractive lady asked me if she could check my car. I said “sure go ahead.” Then I said “I don’t know if that’s OK.” She gave me a wink and a smile and said, “Don’t worry.” She wasn’t in my car long and when she returned she said. “Sir your glove box is locked and I can’t open it.” She handed me my keys and gave me another wink. Hmm–that was strange my glove box was not locked before she went into my car, she must have locked it. She was trying to tell me to watch out they knew someone was after me and I could tell this was something huge. The cops were excited about something and arresting me was not in their plan, I felt like I had just hit the lottery!!!!!!!
I decided to grab by Bible and pray before I did anything else I opened my Bible and turned to Ephesians chapter 6 and started at verse 10.
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
As I opened my bible to pray the cops in my room gave me the respect to pray alone, and they left my room and waited outside: Hmm—another sign that I was in no danger of being arrested.
After I prayed I decided to finish what I came to my room to do in the first place, the things I needed to mail. All the officers in the room watched me fill out the paperwork and envelopes. Then the only Postal Inspector in the room wanted a hand writing sample. He had some form he wanted me to fill out. I knew I didn’t have to do what he wanted me to do but I figured, he works for the post office so I said “Sir I’m not going to fill out your hand writing sample but I know you work for the post office so here is my mail would you please take these and mail them for me after you analyze my hand writing.” The look on his face was priceless!!! Then the Postal Inspector asked me if I would help them. I said “Sir I want to help you, I didn’t do the thing you’re here to talk to me about. But my attorney told me to sit down and shut up. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. What do you think I should do?” He said, “Call your attorney back.” So I did, I handed my cell phone to the Postal Inspector (Steve Hodges) and he and my attorney scheduled a meeting to take place in two days. Then All the cops left and I went on a mission to figure out whom in the hell could do such a thing to me… Something was telling me this was huge, and I was probably going to be very rich because of all this…
As that day ended I was convinced that it was Guy (the killer that Bill Clinton pardoned) who was responsible for causing all this… I knew my family was also very upset with me, but I couldn’t even imagine that my own family could do such a cruel thing to me. That night I could not sleep at all. I was very upset with the fact that someone had done something like that to me.
The next morning I knew I couldn’t wait until the next day to meet with the FBI and Postal Inspector as that attorney had set up. I also knew I was innocent and the attorney would be a huge waste of money I didn’t have. So I called Brian Schmidt one of the FBI agents that came to my room the day before. I asked if he would answer some of my questions before I committed to meet with him and Steve Hodges. Brian told me that is not how it works. He would not answer any of my questions and that I was acting guilty by asking such a thing of him. So I decided to go ahead and meet with him and Steve Hodges that same day at noon.
I made a list of facts about my relationship with Guy over the past 20 years and I included the fact that Juanita Broaddrick had an interest in Guy’s execution, and the fact that it was Bill Clinton who had set this KILLER free from death row. I told Brian and Steve that I was sure that Guy is the only person on earth that was mad enough at me to do such a terrible thing to me. I did not realize how serious a situation I was really in. That changed at the end of my interrogation.
At the end of my interrogation Steve Hodges told me this: “There are some similarities here when the powder wasn’t so harmless, IT WAS ANTHRAX!!!” Then Brian Schmidt stuck his finger in my face and said. “AND I THINK YOU DID IT.” It was at that moment I knew the real ANTHRAX KILLER was after me and I thought that it must have been Guy who was responsible for killing people with ANTHRAX.
I was telling the truth to Steve and Brian, and I think they knew it. After that meeting I called my best friend Steve Schafer to tell him what I had just been through, and also that I thought Guy must be the ANTHRAX KILLER. Steve had a problem with that, he said ANTHRAX is very hard stuff to get in fact it was easier to get a million dollars than it is to get ANTHRAX. If Guy could get ANTHRAX then why in the hell didn’t he have a million dollars? That question later caused me to figure out that it must have been Bill Clinton that was after me. I think Brian—FBI and Steve—Postal figured all this out way before I did.
Great question Steve Schafer!
NOW TIME FOR SOME MAGIC QUESTIONS:
1) - WHO—is involved in this thing that is very smart, and rich, and could get ANTHRAX and would also be angry with me for being nosy and asking questions of a convicted and condemned to die murderer set free from death row by Bill Clinton? Who is it that is involved in this thing and is all that?
ANSWER—DUH—Bill & Hillary Clinton!!!!!!!
2) - HOW—did Bill & Hillary Clinton get ANTHRAX???
ANSWER—HMM—Didn't Bubba set Osama Bin laden free after Sudan captured him and offered him up to the Clinton administration??? YES—YES—YES that did happen!!! OK, now I'm starting to see a pattern. Bill & Hillary Clinton set killers free in return for favors later. This is pure EVIL!
3) - WHY—would Bill & Hillary Clinton want to kill people with ANTHRAX???
ANSWER—again, this is very easy to figure out. Bill, Hillary, and the wacked out left want all the power. They want the Supreme Court, the House of Representatives, the Senate and the presidency.
The American people were very upset after the terrorist attacks of 2001. It was the Democrats that benefitted the most form those attacks. I think what we have here is politicians causing trouble in an attempt to gain more power. This really SUCKS!!! Politicians pulling off and getting away with deadly shenanigans and trying to make it look like somebody else did it!!!!!!
4) - WHAT—made Bubba his bitch and there pardoned thugs think the FBI could be convinced that I am a person capable of getting ANTHRAX???
ANSWER—my best friend Steve Schafer is a nuclear scientist whose job it is to clean up government nuclear test sites. SHIT!!! Bubba his bitch and there pardoned thugs were after my best friend as well, Steve is the only scientist I know. So if the thing that was done to me had stuck to me, Steve Schafer and I would be on death row “framed” for killing people with ANTHRAX!!!
The following is a list of some of the officers that I came in contact with after the powder thing.
1) - BRIAN SCHMIDT - FBI - 303-629-7171
2) - STEVE HODGES - POSTAL INSPECTOR – 303-313-5355
3) - M. JORDAN - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-216-4125
4) - BOB CLARK - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 4123
5) - A. CHRISCADEN - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 1897
6) - C. BLY - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 1629
7) - C. LOVEALL - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 1909
8) - MARK SWISHER - THORNTON P.D. – 720-977-5287
9) - E. ROMERO - NORTHGLENN P.D. – 303-450-8892 – EX - 8207
10) - MARK WOODWARD - DENVER P.D. – 303-313-6807
11) - STEPHEN JOHNSON - NORTHGLENN P.D. – 303-450-8892 – EX - 8284
12) - D. FIELDS NORTHGLENN P.D. – 303-450-8892 – EX - 8358
O—M—G I'm part of a huge fricken government cover up, and so are the cops I have listed above. Writing this book is the only thing I can do to fight back.
Truly, the saddest part of this mess is this: The people with the ability, authority and responsibility of proving this theory are controlled by those that actually did the ANTHRAX crime in the first place. This is corruption in its very worst form. GOD, HELP US ALL!!!!!!!
HERE IS THE TRUTH ABOUT BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON;
BUBBA HIS BITCH AND THERE PARDONED THUGS ARE SITTING THERE IN DIRTY DIPERS POINTING AT EVERYBODY ELSE SAYING, “YOU STINK”.
I decided to grab by Bible and pray before I did anything else I opened my Bible and turned to Ephesians chapter 6 and started at verse 10.
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
As I opened my bible to pray the cops in my room gave me the respect to pray alone, and they left my room and waited outside: Hmm—another sign that I was in no danger of being arrested.
After I prayed I decided to finish what I came to my room to do in the first place, the things I needed to mail. All the officers in the room watched me fill out the paperwork and envelopes. Then the only Postal Inspector in the room wanted a hand writing sample. He had some form he wanted me to fill out. I knew I didn’t have to do what he wanted me to do but I figured, he works for the post office so I said “Sir I’m not going to fill out your hand writing sample but I know you work for the post office so here is my mail would you please take these and mail them for me after you analyze my hand writing.” The look on his face was priceless!!! Then the Postal Inspector asked me if I would help them. I said “Sir I want to help you, I didn’t do the thing you’re here to talk to me about. But my attorney told me to sit down and shut up. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. What do you think I should do?” He said, “Call your attorney back.” So I did, I handed my cell phone to the Postal Inspector (Steve Hodges) and he and my attorney scheduled a meeting to take place in two days. Then All the cops left and I went on a mission to figure out whom in the hell could do such a thing to me… Something was telling me this was huge, and I was probably going to be very rich because of all this…
As that day ended I was convinced that it was Guy (the killer that Bill Clinton pardoned) who was responsible for causing all this… I knew my family was also very upset with me, but I couldn’t even imagine that my own family could do such a cruel thing to me. That night I could not sleep at all. I was very upset with the fact that someone had done something like that to me.
The next morning I knew I couldn’t wait until the next day to meet with the FBI and Postal Inspector as that attorney had set up. I also knew I was innocent and the attorney would be a huge waste of money I didn’t have. So I called Brian Schmidt one of the FBI agents that came to my room the day before. I asked if he would answer some of my questions before I committed to meet with him and Steve Hodges. Brian told me that is not how it works. He would not answer any of my questions and that I was acting guilty by asking such a thing of him. So I decided to go ahead and meet with him and Steve Hodges that same day at noon.
I made a list of facts about my relationship with Guy over the past 20 years and I included the fact that Juanita Broaddrick had an interest in Guy’s execution, and the fact that it was Bill Clinton who had set this KILLER free from death row. I told Brian and Steve that I was sure that Guy is the only person on earth that was mad enough at me to do such a terrible thing to me. I did not realize how serious a situation I was really in. That changed at the end of my interrogation.
At the end of my interrogation Steve Hodges told me this: “There are some similarities here when the powder wasn’t so harmless, IT WAS ANTHRAX!!!” Then Brian Schmidt stuck his finger in my face and said. “AND I THINK YOU DID IT.” It was at that moment I knew the real ANTHRAX KILLER was after me and I thought that it must have been Guy who was responsible for killing people with ANTHRAX.
I was telling the truth to Steve and Brian, and I think they knew it. After that meeting I called my best friend Steve Schafer to tell him what I had just been through, and also that I thought Guy must be the ANTHRAX KILLER. Steve had a problem with that, he said ANTHRAX is very hard stuff to get in fact it was easier to get a million dollars than it is to get ANTHRAX. If Guy could get ANTHRAX then why in the hell didn’t he have a million dollars? That question later caused me to figure out that it must have been Bill Clinton that was after me. I think Brian—FBI and Steve—Postal figured all this out way before I did.
Great question Steve Schafer!
NOW TIME FOR SOME MAGIC QUESTIONS:
1) - WHO—is involved in this thing that is very smart, and rich, and could get ANTHRAX and would also be angry with me for being nosy and asking questions of a convicted and condemned to die murderer set free from death row by Bill Clinton? Who is it that is involved in this thing and is all that?
ANSWER—DUH—Bill & Hillary Clinton!!!!!!!
2) - HOW—did Bill & Hillary Clinton get ANTHRAX???
ANSWER—HMM—Didn't Bubba set Osama Bin laden free after Sudan captured him and offered him up to the Clinton administration??? YES—YES—YES that did happen!!! OK, now I'm starting to see a pattern. Bill & Hillary Clinton set killers free in return for favors later. This is pure EVIL!
3) - WHY—would Bill & Hillary Clinton want to kill people with ANTHRAX???
ANSWER—again, this is very easy to figure out. Bill, Hillary, and the wacked out left want all the power. They want the Supreme Court, the House of Representatives, the Senate and the presidency.
The American people were very upset after the terrorist attacks of 2001. It was the Democrats that benefitted the most form those attacks. I think what we have here is politicians causing trouble in an attempt to gain more power. This really SUCKS!!! Politicians pulling off and getting away with deadly shenanigans and trying to make it look like somebody else did it!!!!!!
4) - WHAT—made Bubba his bitch and there pardoned thugs think the FBI could be convinced that I am a person capable of getting ANTHRAX???
ANSWER—my best friend Steve Schafer is a nuclear scientist whose job it is to clean up government nuclear test sites. SHIT!!! Bubba his bitch and there pardoned thugs were after my best friend as well, Steve is the only scientist I know. So if the thing that was done to me had stuck to me, Steve Schafer and I would be on death row “framed” for killing people with ANTHRAX!!!
The following is a list of some of the officers that I came in contact with after the powder thing.
1) - BRIAN SCHMIDT - FBI - 303-629-7171
2) - STEVE HODGES - POSTAL INSPECTOR – 303-313-5355
3) - M. JORDAN - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-216-4125
4) - BOB CLARK - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 4123
5) - A. CHRISCADEN - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 1897
6) - C. BLY - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 1629
7) - C. LOVEALL - LAKEWOOD P.D. – 303-987-7002 – EX - 1909
8) - MARK SWISHER - THORNTON P.D. – 720-977-5287
9) - E. ROMERO - NORTHGLENN P.D. – 303-450-8892 – EX - 8207
10) - MARK WOODWARD - DENVER P.D. – 303-313-6807
11) - STEPHEN JOHNSON - NORTHGLENN P.D. – 303-450-8892 – EX - 8284
12) - D. FIELDS NORTHGLENN P.D. – 303-450-8892 – EX - 8358
O—M—G I'm part of a huge fricken government cover up, and so are the cops I have listed above. Writing this book is the only thing I can do to fight back.
Truly, the saddest part of this mess is this: The people with the ability, authority and responsibility of proving this theory are controlled by those that actually did the ANTHRAX crime in the first place. This is corruption in its very worst form. GOD, HELP US ALL!!!!!!!
HERE IS THE TRUTH ABOUT BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON;
BUBBA HIS BITCH AND THERE PARDONED THUGS ARE SITTING THERE IN DIRTY DIPERS POINTING AT EVERYBODY ELSE SAYING, “YOU STINK”.
Here is a little piece of information that I will use later: After Guy and I had our little spat at my first AA meeting, we made up and became friends. In fact, when I lost a job and needed some money, Guy let me work with him cleaning out houses that had gone into foreclosure. Guy was working for a realtor that worked selling homes for HUD. This was a real dirty job. When people lose their homes to foreclosure, they usually don’t clean them up before they leave. It was Guy’s job to go to those houses, clean them up and winterize them. Guy never had a key; he was very good at picking locks, getting in through windows or just kicking down the back door if nothing else worked.
June 2007
“Oh shit Honey Dripper, we have huge problems with the big scary, super sexy, brilliant, and fearless gorilla Martin,” Killary said.
“How big is it? First tell me what happened, OK.”
“This isn’t going to be good. Listen up, and start thinking were in big trouble on this one.” she said. “OK here it is: It seems Guy was testing the Gorilla, and it didn’t go well, a huge mistake was made. It seems Guy wanted to test Martin to see if he would steal from him or not. Martin failed the test and it was decided to take him and his best friend out of the picture. But something went wrong.”
“OH–NO, Baby what went wrong?”
“I think it was a misunderstanding between Guy and Martin to begin with. But now we’re stuck like Chuck. It is going to take a lot to get us out of this one,” Bullary said.
“It seems the cops got wind of our little plan before it went down. No one is talking; I’m not sure how they found out about our nasty, evil plan to take those two boys from Colorado out. That best friend of Martin–Steve Schafer is really something else incredibly bright; brilliantly wise might best describe him. I think it was Steve or his wife that figured out what we were up to. You need to know this: Martin is Bright, Steve is brilliant, but Jen Steve’s wife is pure genius.
Martin asked his friend Steve to help him get some of his things from Guy’s house. Steve went to Guy’s door because Martin didn’t want a confrontation. Guy got in Martin’s friend’s face calling Martin a liar and a thief. It wasn’t very pretty. After Steve got the rest of Martin’s things, Martin asked Steve why in the hell Guy was still standing. Martin said, “If anybody ever got in his face calling Steve a liar and a thief. He would have put him down, hard.” All Steve said was: “Shut up I’m not done,” said the first lady.
“I guess we do what we always do in situations like this. Start the spin machine and assassinate the character of all that cross us. Shit, the cops are watching Martin and everyone he knows along with Guy and everyone he knows. Whose Idea was it to try and frame those two boys for the ANTHRAX murders anyway? I want that dummy’s head on a platter, right now,” said the President.
It’s me Martin; I told you this was going to get good.
OK, now let me tell you why all this shit happened to me: I needed to move out of my brother and sister in law’s house. I called Guy to ask him if he knew anybody with a room for rent. Guy told me he had a room in his house that I could rent. Perfect I thought, and he was the first person I called.
I was going to meetings all over town, and getting incredibly spiritually intoxicated (the pink cloud) from working the steps; they will make you very happy when worked right.
Right after I moved in with Guy I started to feel like I was being watched, it seems to me there was just too much spooky drama coming at me. Guy and I were both early risers, so we met at the kitchen table almost every morning at 5:30 – 6:00am for one day short of two weeks. We were starting to get to know each other quite well. I was starting to feel like some fellowship inside the fellowship of AA was about to ask me in. I’m pretty sure I’m right about this, and it isn’t pretty.
Here is what happened to me one very spooky Saturday morning in early May of 2007:
Guy and I had met at the kitchen table as usually was the case after I moved in with him. We started our morning chat. Then Guy started showing me his digital camera. He told me he had 2 of them. He showed me all of its features. He was acting very strange and unusual; in fact he was kind of freaking me out. I was perplexed!
After Guy showed me everything about his shitty $200.00 digital camera, He got up from the kitchen table and said he had some work to get done, and then he left.
I got in the shower and got ready to leave for the day. I packed a day bag and headed for the door. As I was about to leave I noticed Guy left his cam lying on the coffee table. Then, I was actually stupid enough to think. “Oh Guy must want to trade his shitty little cam for my very nice black leather recliner.” Guy is a neat—freak he never leaves anything laying around. So I grabbed his cam thinking I would play with it for the day and see if I might be interested in trading my recliner for his cam.
However, as I was about to leave for the day, Guy walked back in the house and looked at the coffee table and said. “WHERE IS MY CAMERA?”
I said. “It’s right here in my bag. I thought you wanted to trade your cam for my recliner.”
Then Guy went ape shit nuts. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife out of the kitchen sink and came at me with murder in his eyes. I was frightened so as he was walking toward me with a knife in his hand I screamed, “STOP!” My voice thundered and scared Guy. He dropped the knife; fell to his knees, started crying and screaming at me to leave.
So I started to pack my things and move out. As I was caring my things out of Guys house I noticed him sitting at the kitchen table writing.
When I finished loading my things into my car, I went to Guy apologizing all over myself, and asking for forgiveness.
Then Guy handed me a piece of paper with the names and phone #’s of some homeless shelters in Denver, and he told me this: “Martin you are going to lose your job, your car, and you’re going to become homeless. You are going to need this list of shelters to keep from living under bridges!”
Then I said. “JUST WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, GOD?”
Guy said that job, car, homeless thing like he was going to make it all happen; not like he had some kind of crystal ball. He also told me he had a big stick in AA, and he was going to use it to destroy me.
March 12th 2010
Those 3 things did happen to me in fact, here I am 34 months later still homeless and broke after Guy told me I was going to lose my job, my car and become homeless. This is the second time I have tried to do something to fight back, and expose those ass holes that came after me and destroyed my life. I have got one hell of a story to tell. The first time around, I wrote my story from my perspective only, and I blogged it at blogspot.com, however doing it that way didn’t serve me well at all, I heard a great writer once said this: “Sometimes the trash can is my best friend.” So I destroyed the first thing I wrote trying to tell this story. This time I’m going to mix it up a little, and tell this AWESOME story from several different perspectives. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I’m going to have writing it!!!
After all this is politics and religion, both are a fractional truth but mostly fiction. I know the Truth, so I shall show U the fiction
CHAPTER 3
Meet the Schafer’s Steve and Jen. I met Steve when I was in the 9th grade. Steve was in the 7th grade. The school was Lakewood Jr. High in Lakewood CO. a suburb of Denver. Steve was big for a guy in the 7th grade, and he got himself one of the prettiest little 8th grade girl friends. Some of us in the 9th grade were jealous of Steve, him being a sevy with an 8th grade hottie with a body girl friend that should be with one of us older and tougher guys in the school.
Here is how Steve and I became friends, and it isn’t very pretty either: One day Jim Brown and I decided to send a message to Schafer. I grabbed Schafer’s hot little girl friend as she passed us in the hall, and I held her while Jim Brown put a big nasty hicky on Linda’s neck right in front of everybody. Linda didn’t like it one little bit, she was pissed!
At the end of 4th period that day, Steve came looking for, and he found me. He walked up to me with murder in his eyes and threw a punch that caught me hard in the ribs. It was a crushing blow and I had to quickly save face and not allow a sevy to beat my ass in front of everybody. That would not be good for my reputation. Luckily for me Steve had not had any training in wrestling yet. So I was able to wrestle Schafer down and hold him until he cooled off. My ribs hurt to bad to try and fight him, I’m pretty sure he at least cracked one of my ribs, because that injury hurt for the better part of a year. After I held him down for a minute or two, here comes Mr. Waunakee, the principal, he broke it up, just like he always did. He made us apologize and shake hands in front of everybody, then off to his office to discuss the matter. Steve was cool, and he didn’t tell Mr. Waunakee the real reason he started a fight with me. Steve said he heard people telling him that I was saying he was a pussy, and he didn’t like being called a pussy. Mr. Waunakee bought it, I said nothing.
We both had to stay after school and pick up cigarette butts left at the fence by the smokers (freaks).
The next day I went to the weight room after school, to my surprise Schafer was there as well. I was the leading bench press title holder in school at that time. I was able to press 225# at a body weight of 190#. I decided to put on a show for Schafer that day by going heavy on the bench press. Schafer was not impressed, He came over and asked me if he could work in with me. I said. “Sure how much weight do you want me to take off for you? He said. “None, the weight you’re using will be fine with me”. I said. “OK sport your turn”. Steve was able to keep up with me pound for pound and set for set. We earned each other’s respect that day and I have considered him my best friend ever since.
After a few intensely drama filled months with Linda, Steve got smart and dumped her for the hottest girl in School, Jen Jinks. Steve had earned himself a dam good reputation. He stood up to, and could keep up with in the weight room, one of the strongest 9th graders in the school, me. Shit now all the chicks want to be with Steve. Everybody wanted to be Steve’s friend. And Steve pretty much became everybody’s friend. I, to this day don’t know a soul that will say one single bad thing about him, he is now and has always been loved by everyone. Friends are hard to come by and I am lucky to have one in Steve.
Steve, Jen, I and whoever were my girl friends over the years were, partied together often. Steve and Jen are an American success story. I don’t think there is a soul on earth that wouldn’t envy the two of them, and wish there life had gone as well as the Schafer’s. They have been together since Jr. High. They were roommates in collage, Jen, a business and accounting major, Steve a science Major.
They were married one year out of college. And I had the privilege and honor to be the best man at that wedding.
Jen went to work for the Federal Government as an auditor for the U.S. Department of the Interior. Steve found work in the private sector always doing some kind of consulting. In the late 90’s Steve and I started an Air conditioning and Heating business. We enjoyed 2 summers selling and installing Air Conditioners, furnaces, and indoor air quality accessories’; such as Humidifiers, Thermostats and high efficiency air filters. Steve now works as a private consultant for the U.S. Department of energy as a nuclear scientist. Not a bomb making nuclear scientist. Steve is cleaning up messes our government made testing nuclear weapons. I am proud of my best friend; his job is to make safe land destroyed by nuclear fallout, at least safe enough for wild life. How cool is that?
Jen to this day is still a drop dead gorgeous; blue eyed blond Hottie with a body. Steve and Jen are defiantly happy, joyous, free, blessed, highly favored and empowered to prosper. They are very – very good with money. Both their houses and all their cars are paid for, they owe no one. Shit, how cool is that!!!
THE SAVE
May 2007
“Jen we need to talk,” Steve said.
“Honey what’s wrong you’re upset,” Jen Said.
“Yeah I’m very upset! This is going to sound strange but I’m very—very concerned about Martin. He is in big trouble and I don’t know how to help him.”
“OK I’m listening,” she said.
“Martin called me today; he needed me to help him get the rest of his things out of the house he was staying at. I went and picked him up and took him to this Guy’s house where he was living for the past couple weeks. I guess something strange happened between this Guy and Martin. Martin thinks Guy was testing him or something like that.”
“Steve what in the hell are you talking about?”
“HMMM—where do I start? OH I know. Martin moved in with Guy after his brother through him out a couple weeks ago. Guy has quite a story: Guy is a murderer that received a full pardon from Arkansas’s death row 20 years ago.”
Shit Steve, pardoned from Arkansas’s death row 20 years ago. O —M —G Steve, Cilly Winton did it, only a President or Governor can do that evil shit. I really wish America would wake up and take away that pardon privilege from stinking gangster politicians.”
“Why is that Jen?”
“Steve, those pardons aren’t free. Don’t you remember any history at all; just about every shitty, evil, stinking despot from our past has done this kind of evil crap. Politicians have been doing this for a very long time. Pontus Pilot pardoned Barbarous instead of Christ according to the 4 Gospels.”
“Jen there’s more: It seems Juanita Broaddrick was involved in Guys case. Martin said, Guy murdered her best friend’s father.”
“O—M—G Steve, this is terrible do you know what these people are capable of?”
“Jen I think we should tell somebody fast before Martin has an accident, disappears or winds up in prison for something he didn’t do.”
“OK Steve, I’ll take it from here, don’t worry. Martin will be safe, but this conversation never happened, got it!!!”
“Oh Jen, this right here is why I married you. You are so GD smart, you scare me!”
“Steve I’ll give you until you die to stop talking to me like that. Flattery will get you everywhere with me.”
“I love you Jen.”
CHAPTER 4
WISDOM
April 2007
“Martin, you’re arrogant. The reason I’m successful and you’re not is; I will not be rude or angry to anyone, EVER,” Steve said.
“Steve do you actually think arrogance is always a bad thing?”
“Well Martin, if I was in need of a triple bypass, I’d want the most arrogant surgeon on earth to do the operation. So no I don’t think arrogance is always a bad thing. I’m not sure why, but most arrogant people have few friends.”
“Steve this is what I think: The inappropriate display of arrogance will get you despised like God, kicked out of heaven like Satan, and crucified like Christ.
If you go to see a great widget making seminar you are entertained by the arrogance of the key note speaker. You paid good money to see someone who is the most arrogant widget maker on earth. You expect to see and learn a lot from his or her appropriate display of arrogance. Am I not correct?”
“Well I guess you’re right, you’ve made a good point. So maybe arrogance is not always a bad thing,” Steve said.
“Besides Steve, I was arrogant in the 5th grade, I’m hubris now. And that too is not always a bad thing; it’s just a lot harder to manage.”
“Hubris, now there’s a new word for me. Can you define it for me,” Steve asked?
“Sure, it’s arrogance with consequences,” I replied.
“Yup that fits you just fine,” Steve replied.
“So tell me Steve, please tell me exactly how in the hell you make it through every day without being rude or angry to anyone. There are so many incompetent ass holes out there just looking to piss somebody off. When someone is in your face being just as disrespectful and rude as possible, trying there hardest to piss you off and ruin your day. Tell me Steve, just how in the hell do you keep from being rude or angry when that happens,” I asked?
“OH Martin I live for moments like that. Those moments are opportunities for me to sharpen my people skills. I’m actually very—very good at turning the rudest people I meet into some of my best assets. I will have them eating out of my hand and doing whatever I want within 3 minutes. It really is quite simple, the meaner and nastier the person is, the more I love the challenge. So this is what I do in those circumstances: The meaner and nastier they come, the stickier and sweeter I get.”
“Well Steve I’m not going to argue with success. In fact I’m going to add that statement to my list of things to do to be happy. Pocket the keys to success; I will not be rude or angry to anyone all day!!!”
May 2007
“Hey Guy, I think my main problem in life is the complete inability to make sane sound decisions. My choices have always sucked!!! I’m screwed; everything I touch turns to shit. The best I can think of to do is use the decision making filter available in the program,” I said.
“Martin, you are learning how to make good decisions at your new job as a claims adjuster. The AA filter of prayer, the group and the sponsor is good, but you do need to learn how to make good choices all by yourself,” Guy replied.
“I was talking to my best friend Steve the other day, and he said the reason he is successful and I’m not is because he will not be rude or angry to anyone, EVER!”
“WOW! That’s good shit! In fact, that can’t, not work, well. Martin, I’ve known you for what, 20 years now. Let me tell you what I have seen in you: Martin, you have a big stick and it comes out automatically. I’ve never seen you be able to control it. You are your own worst enemy. You’re a big scary gorilla. You scar people. You need to get the target off your back.”
“Guy, What in the hell do you mean by that?”
“Martin, what do you think scared people do to a big scary gorilla?”
“OH shit, they shoot him,” I replied.
“Here is how rich fat bastards make good profitable decisions:
· first, gather information about the situation
· second, determine a cause
· third, find a remedy
· forth, consider the cost
· fifth, pull the trigger on your decision”
“This is what they are teaching you at you new job right,” asked Guy.
“You are right that is exactly what I’m being trained to do,” I said.
“Then just make use of what you have already learned as a claims adjuster on all your decisions. The more you practice the luckier you’ll get,” Guy Replied.
It’s me Martin (THE SEER).
There is an error in the Clinton’s thinking. They think there is a crime behind every fortune. That is true for most of the rich fat bastards out there, but not all!!!!!!! The Clintons are insane, extremely power hungry and willing to do anything to accomplish their goals. This isn’t pretty, but it is the truth as I see it!!!
There are quite a few rich people who had terrible things happen to them before, during and after the Clinton white house, which I will get into later. But first let me add a little common since.
The Clinton’s can control rich fat bastards that are sitting on a huge crime fortune with just the perception that they have “THE DREADED FBI FILES.” Rich fat bastards are the most paranoid people on earth. And because of the “file gate scandal” during the Clinton years, rich fat bastards are coerced into large contributions because they think the Clintons have the documents that prove they are crooks. So the cost of doing business for the rich fat bastards is to pay extortion money to the very—very slick, stinking, panhandling politicians that come often strong arm begging for money, (THE BUM RUSH). This just proves how stupid money makes some people: Look, if the FBI had any prosecutable evidence at all against any rich fat bastard’s; don’t you agree the FBI is duty bound by the constitution to turn such evidence over to the Justice Department???
HERE IS THE TRUTH ABOUT THE FBI: THEY SUCK, THEY COULDN’T FIND SAND AT THE BEACH!
The Clintons are running the same scam as the militia bully’s that control their clan by claiming they have the documents that prove our Government is corrupt. Shit I’ll bet my life the File Gate Scandal of the Clinton White House was simply just a Clinton controlled leak, the media, and just about everybody else was completely bamboozled by that bunch of bull shit.
So the Clinton’s started recruiting thugs from prisons with pardon’s and then recruiting friends of those pardoned thugs. This is how all the evil despots from our present and past keep the masses in fear. Listen to me, who wants their kids killed by some evil megalomaniac despot politician’s pardoned or recruited thugs. Answer – NO ONE!
THE TRIPPLE THREAT
December 1994
“Hey Killary, it seems not everybody can be blackmailed. Some of the rich are good men who got their fortune the old fashioned way; they earned it. And some know we don’t have shit in those so called FBI files. There are some that won’t submit to our black mail and I’m getting nervous: I think we are using our killers much too often. Every time we use them we are running a risk of getting caught.”
“Bubba, we need the triple threat. Our first line of defense; the documents are good but not good enough. And the killers are better, but I agree it’s getting too risky. We need something in the middle. We should start using the killers as a last resort.”
“Well Bullary do you have any ideas?”
“Of coerce I do sugar plum, but I’m getting real tired of doing all the tam dinking around here! Can’t you figure out any of this all by yourself?”
“Just tell me what you’re thinking and please stop nagging me all the time. Billary could you please give me a break?”
“OK Mr. President, take a break, I’ll get this done. You know surveillance technology has come a very long way since we started this. How easy do you think it will be to set up our targets; you know set them up and make them hang them self’s while we are secretly watching. You said you love—love—love to play god, just get better at it dummy!”
“OK honey dripper I’m with you, I think I understand where you’re going with this. First we hit them with the; we have the documents, if that doesn’t work, we set them up somehow and if they won’t fall for that, we’ll kill their kids,” Said the President!
“You—betcha—butter—buns: And for those that really disrespect us, and flip us the bird when we come begging for money: For those poor bastards, not only will we kill their kids; but, we will see to it that it looks like they did it,” the first lady said it like she meant it. (With malice)…
“OH Peaches that is absolutely evil and disgusting, just the way I like it, said the Commander–in–Chief!!!!!!–!!!!!!–!!!!!! = (666)
CHAPTER 5
March 23rd 2010
I need more info, Please help me if you can.
Trust me; I know what game I’m playing here. I want to use my time today to ask any of you reading this for your help. But I can’t expect any of you to take the kind of risk’s I’m taking. My life is ruined; I’ve been black balled. Every time I get a job the same thing keeps happening to me: Almost as fast as I start working a new job, a rumor starts going around about me and my coworkers get scared of me, then I get fired and I’m back on the street. This can be done to anyone. Thank God I’m still under 24/7 surveillance by the PO—PO. Nobody can get close enough to me to kill me because I’m always being watched.
Here is the direction I’m going with this thing: I think John Ramsey pissed off the same people I did. I think he not only flipped the Clintons the bird when they came begging for money, but did it in a way that the Clintons found very—very disrespectful! So I think John Ramsey gave the Clintons the double slap and in return endured the Clinton double tap, (KILL YOUR KID AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU DID IT).
I think it was none other than Guy himself that picked the back door lock of the Ramsey’s Mansion to get into their home. Then once in the home he had to re—pick the lock to re—lock the back door. Then I think Guy let himself out the window. I’m not sure but I think the Ramsey’s back door dead bolt was the kind that takes a key both inside and out. I vaguely remember hearing that there were marks around a back window of the Ramsey Mansion that indicated someone had gone out through that window, not in.
The reason I think this is because of the ransom demand in the letter that was found in the Ramsey home: That demand was the exact amount John Ramsey paid himself as a Christmas bonus. That’s the clue that causes me to think it was an evil, megalomaniac, bully, bum rushing politician that killed little John Benay Ramsey, and tried to make it look like the Ramsey’s did it; because Mr. Ramsey refused to pay the piper. And he decided to keep his bonus money for his family. I think someone evil and powerful was counting on that money and got very upset with John Ramsey when he didn’t pay. This is only what I think and I may be wrong, but I don’t think so. You decide.
So if anybody out there reading this thing knows anything about any contact John Ramsey may have had with the Clintons or any of their crony’s, please find a way to get me those facts. I’ll put them to good use, I can promise you that.
CHAPTER 6
The best revenge is living well
March 24, 2010
It has been a little over 34 months since all this shit happened to me. I must tell you my views have changed drastically.
I’m going to go ahead and through this out there: Nobody has ever in all the history of man done homeless and broke better than me! This is for now going to be about my AWESOME homeless experience. Since I became homeless and broke I have; not missed a shower or a meal, I traveled this entire Nation (which is more traveling than I ever did when I had money), I wrote my first Book in library’s all over this Nation, during all my traveling. I have seen every single new movie to come out in theaters (shit, I saw AVATAR 3D three times). I have read more books. I have drunk only top shelve Whisky’s and high quality beers, smoked some of the best California green bud (Granddaddy Purp). I have encountered some of the most interesting people. Last but not least I found THE CURE for alcoholism. I can now control and enjoy my drinking! So to all my AA friends and associates; it is now time for you to take your hats off to me. I am no longer powerless over alcohol, and my life is no longer unmanageable! I am cured, healed, made whole, I’m not an alcoholic! I am an X problem drinker! So, how do you like me now? If any of you out there have a problem with me saying this, I have some spiritual advice for you: KISS MY ASS I’M HAVING FUN!
HMM–Where was I? OH I know, how about back to the beginning of this mess; Guy telling me I was going to lose my job, my car and I was going to become homeless: Remember, he said that to me like he had to power to make it happen: Not like he was looking through a Chrystal Ball and could see the future. If some ass hole threatens you like that and then make it happen: I think the best thing a person can do is figure out fun ways to enjoy a situation like that. I was shown in a very cool way that my only character defect was self loathing, the solution to hating yourself is to make an amends to you by living well. That is precisely what I did. Then while I was doing that I was shown how to figure out there game, and beat them at it!
I won every single fight without using violence. I don’t fight fair and I still hit like a train, without using my fists. I now fight with my head. I must say winning this way is far more fun than kicking someone’s ass with my brute strength. OH I can still fight with my fists. If you corner me and force me to defend myself; I can and will do so. But letting the PO—PO do their job, hurts far more and lasts for a longer period of time than an ass kicking dished out by a big scary gorilla!
I know I’m sitting on a huge story and it is going to break, I just can’t control when. I want it all and I want it all, right now. This story is bigger than me, you or anybody on earth. This thing is going to break in GODS time, not mine, but I believe it will break. I know that I am going to be successful. Probably the stupidest thing I could do to screw up my chances of being victorious with this story is to let some ass hole dis me into beating them up. I know that if I do something stupid like that I will wind up in prison and lose my chance of being successful with this fictional, fractional truth novel.
Hey Bubba and killary, I win, you lose and you’re done. I know I’ve put you together like a used car sales man working a teenager with a pocket full of doe, a cosigner, stuck on a shiny sports car.
CHAPTER 7
Hobo’s Survival Guide
There have been a lot of scripted people to come into my life since the powder thing at the company that fired me, but writing about those idiots diminishes my chances of being successful with this novel, here is why: All of the scripted females sent into my life to destroy me did a lot of hurtful things to me. When I write about them and the shit they pulled, it only makes it seem like I’m playing the victim. Well screw that! I’m no victim.
I am more than a conqueror. Shit, I am THE, super sexy, 250#, brilliant, fearless and hubris big scary gorilla SEER, who did homeless and broke better than anybody ever in the history of man, how cool is that.
I never missed a meal or a shower. I have had clean cloths every single day of this 34 month homeless experience. I haven’t beaten anybody up nor have I been beaten up by anybody, how cool is all that!!!
In fact another great name for this book could be the Hobo’s Survival Guide, because I’m going to tell you some very smart ways to eat, find shelter, get a shower, travel , get cloths and best of all how to enjoy life homeless and broke. I promise you will be enlightened and entertained.
HMM – where do I start? OH I know, let me first say my biggest fear in life was always becoming homeless. What a boogieman that turned out to be. I guess going to prison would be second. Accept I always knew I could never do anything that would land me in prison, because I knew I would not like gay sex and I know most men that go to prison don’t give up sex.
I am an over comer. I have faced and walked through my most prevalent fear. And I had a dam good time with it, watching with joy all the magic that happened to me.
Right before and after the powder arrived at the company that fired me, people were starting to act very strange; calling the police on me almost every place I went, and giving me a NO–TRESSPASSING order, telling a weird story about me to the cops. They were telling the PO—PO every time they showed up the same lame stupid story, and kicking me out of just about every Alcoholics Anonymous Club in town: Here is what was happening to me every time I went to a meeting anywhere in town. Within minutes of my arriving at an AA club some ass hole would call the police on me. (After the powder thing at the company that fired me I’m sure I was followed by cops everywhere I went, so I’m sure the PO–PO were just as perplexed as I was). Well anyway when the fuzz showed up answering a strange 911 call, some AA ass hole would tell the cops this same stinking lie every time. They were telling the cops that I was harassing the women and the girls wanted me to stop and it was his job to do so. They were telling the cops that I was a sexual predator and the girls were afraid of me. This was the strangest thing I have ever been through.
Thank GOD the PO—PO wised up fast. After the 7th 911 call to the Pandas at an AA club after I showed up, the cops let me and the AA ass holes know they were on to them by telling the idiots calling the Fuzz on me this. ”If the women have a problem with Martin, HAVE THEM CALL US!!!” WAHOO, the cops figured it out. They knew someone was gunning for me, but at this point not all the cops in Denver knew how much trouble I was in.
May, 2007
Ring—ring—ring: “Brian Schmidt FBI”.
“Brian, it’s me Steve Hodges Postal inspector here.”
“Yes Steve, what do you need?”
“Have you and your people been watching Martin?”
“OH yes, pretty incredible, isn’t he,” Brian asked?
“Brian, everywhere that boor bastard goes someone is calling the cops on him.”
“I know. What’s your read on this,” Brian asked.
“You know what I think, but Brian, how in the hell do we tell anybody without sounding absolutely insane?”
“Steve, the Winton’s must be stopped, and I pray Martin is the man to do it. You know the Brass is going to want to cover this up because it’s just too dam volatile. You know I think the Winton’s really screwed up this time. They exposed them self’s as the ANTHRAX KILLERS by coming after Martin and his best friend the way they did. I mean how long is it going to take everybody to figure out that the real ANTHRAX KILLER came after McCall and Schafer? Shit they exposed them self’s in the process. Then through the process of elimination figure out that the Winton’s are the only people involved in this thing that could get ANTHRAX!”
“I’ll tell you what Brian; I’m going to put out a protection order for McCall and Schafer, I now know they are innocent. Martin is going to need lots of help with this and I think he deserves what little protection I can give him!”
“I agree Steve, and I’ll talk to my boss about the FBI doing the same thing. Martin can use all the help he can get!!!”
“Brian, thank you for your time and have a blessed day!”
“OK Steve we’ll talk again soon. Good Bye.”
June, 2007
Ring – Ring – Ring – Ring… “This is Steve Hodges.”
“Steve, hello this is Brian. How are you today Sir?”
“Great how’s things at Postal today?”
“Things haven’t been this fun around here ever. That Martin is quite the impressive character. We put a dozen Federal Marshals on him as a protection detachment since we spoke last. Martin is putting on one hell of a show for all of us. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yes Steve, I would agree, Martin is a very impressive character, and my department has at least 33 agents on him 24/7. They are saying the same thing about him. Martin is telling anybody that will listen to him that he knows who the ANTHRAX KILLER is, because I put my finger in his face and accused him of killing people with ANTHRAX. He thinks that killer Cilly Winton pardoned did it.”
“Well Brian can you blame him for thinking the way he is? You know as well as I do that the hand writing on that scary little package that The Warranty Group received in the mail the other day is a dead match. I know the real monster that sent the real ANTHRAX is involved in this, and I am sure the brass is going to find a way to cover this one up because of the volatile nature of this thing; the brass is thinking it serves the greater good to cover this one up. Can you imagine what might happen if Cillyiam and Bullary Winton are arrested and convicted of mass murder? Shit, the entire Democratic Party would likely be lynched. But covering this thing up is going to be a long row to hoe due to the sheer numbers of people involved in this thing. And Martin is adding to the list of people that know about this thing incredibly efficiently.”
“Steve, the best we can do right now is just simply sit back and watch.”
“Man, I heard that shit. And I’ll tell you what; this Martin could maybe just maybe turn out to be the chosen one to bring down the evil Winton’s!!!”
“GOD I sure hope so.” Brian said.
Hey it’s me Martin (THE 250# HUBIRS SEER) again.
Just when you didn’t think this could be any further over the top, this AWESOME story just keeps getting better and better.
I must tell you I think I was born and life trained by The Almighty Creator in Heaven Himself for a time like this. Yes, I’m trying to tell you I believe I am called and chosen to do this.
Back in the summer of 2007, my life changed!!! I was really just trying as hard as I could to save my own life, from an evil demonized dis—ease from the pit of hell. I had recently just lost everything I dearly loved and cherished; my beautiful wife, wonderful son, all my worldly possessions, my—self dignity and self—respect. I really didn’t think I could fall down any further. I was willing and ready to go to any length to find victory over my problems. My #1 objective for my life was to find a way to treat my conditions with something that would work. I was primarily focused on my recovery.
Just imagine what I felt like after knowing my hometown Police Department, the FBI, The US Postal Service, and one Giant Evil Empire called The Warranty Group (The company that fired me an alcoholic in recovery and for my recovery) all had a copy of my embarrassing ass 4th step, and All the rest of my recovery documents!!! Plus the fact that at just about every single AA club in Denver, some 13 stepping AA ass hole was calling the panda’s on me, lying about me to them, and giving me a no trespassing order. Plus the fact that I knew I was being watched by at least 4 federal law enforcement agencies, local PO – PO everywhere I went, and somebody is throwing super sexy, 27 year old, green eyed blond, 5 foot tall, 100#, 38D cup, 23” waist, 32” hips, scripted little split tailed, double breasted, mattress thrashers at me. O – M – G it must suck to be me!!!!!!
The rest of this story will blow you away, I promise, you will laugh, you will cry, and most important of all, when you are done reading this, YOU WILL GO OUT AND YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE THAT’S HURTING AND YOU WILL TRY TO HELP, WAHOO!!!!!!!
There is one scripted female named Gelissa Momorra that I’m going to tell you all about. Gelissa is a green eyed blond, hottie with a body girly girl from New Jersey; her accent drove me nuts and she made me do bad things, like write bad checks. I have a very cool tattoo on my left arm for her, (the pink butterfly dagger).
I have two tattoo’s; on my right for arm, for war, is a purple eagle killing a serpent (CJW = 666 I will explain this one at the end), you see purple is my favorite color and the eagle is my thing. The serpent is evil and loosing. On my left for arm is the pink butterfly dagger for love. You see Gelissa’s thing is the butterfly, her favorite color is pink and that little girl has a tongue just like a dagger.
Gelissa came into my life one day before my world got rocked by the Pandas, FBI (Fucking Black Inmates) and postal inspectors. I fell hard and fast for her, she is stunning, sexy and smart! I’m very perceptive. It didn’t take me long to figure out she was trying to cause me to do something stupid so that I would land in prison. Well sorry about her bad luck, she failed in her attempts to mess me up.
Well stupid me believed I could cause her to fall in love with me and switch sides. Shit, sorry about my bad luck. I failed in my attempt’s to do so. I did however fall madly in love with her. I also had a lot of fun with that green eyed blond hottie with a body from Jersey. Here are the high lights of my fun with Gelissa.
After I met Gelissa, I wound up in a nasty corrupt shelter in Denver called New Genesis. This is a working man’s shelter and it costs $45.00 a week to stay there. Also in order to be accepted in that shelter you must have a job. I figured screw that, work sucks, I’m having fun. So I told the crooks running New Genesis that I had a job as a body guard working for a rich man with a super sexy green eyed blond daughter. Gelissa and I were having a blast together finding ways to get lots of money, and then going APE SHIT NUTS spending it.
At this point in my life I’m thinking one of three things is going to happen; either I’m going to go to prison framed as the ANTHRAX KILLER, or maybe someone will kill me to shut me up. Maybe, just maybe I’m going to be very rich for finding and turning in the ANTHRAX KILLER and getting the $25 million reward that’s posted for information leading to the arrest and conviction of those responsible for killing 5 people with ANTHRAX. I am also thinking I have no control over which one is going to happen. So what the hell, I might as well burn through a whole box of checks. It will take the bad check writing system the stores are using a while to flag my checking account and driver’s license numbers. So what in the hell do I have to lose? I may as well have fun with what time I have left.
Gelissa introduced me to the pay day loan, and talked me into renting a car so we could do a better job of having fun with the money we were getting writing bad checks. Gelissa was so obviously scripted it was pathetic. That little frump would flirt with anything with a swinger between his legs, and do it right in front of me trying to cause me to beat somebody up and wind up in jail. The scripts she would play out every time we were together always had one of the same 3 outcomes designed: Try to make me beat her, or try to make me beat somebody else, or O – M – G this is the one that really sucked; Gelissa would try to cause sexual frustration to trigger me to maybe try and rape her. Well thank God I can’t rape. I’m sure I wouldn’t even enjoy sex under those conditions. I need my woman to be willing; I’m only turned on when she wants me. I have never, and will never force myself on another person.
I’m a good man and proud to say so. Sure I’ve done some bad things to survive since I became homeless and broke, but damn it, others did it to me and they are doing plenty to see to it I never put my life back together. They are doing this to me because they know there are only 3 things a homeless and broke person can do to survive “BEG BROWRROW STEAL”!!! I am pretty good at all three. They know I will eventually get caught stealing and I have been caught stealing. Shit if I get caught one more time it’s off to the big house for me.
So I’ve had to tighten it up, wise up and stop stealing. I figured out other ways to get food to keep from starving on the street.
None of the weapons formed against me has prospered for the sick sonofabitches that came after me, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY!!! I also at this time wish to say my trial is not yet over; the sick sonofabitches that came after me are still out there, and I’m not stupid enough to think they aren’t still interested in fucking me over good. They are EVIL, lazy and patient. I really have no choice but to keep my guard up and keep fighting back by trying to tell as many as possible what happens to someone that figures out the Clintons are GANGSTERS with a shit load of very loyal pardoned KILLERS and there recruited buddy’s working automatically, plausible deniability (without any traceable participation from the Clintons against anybody coming out against them). THIS IS PURE EVIL, THIS MUST STOP, NO ONE IS SAFE!!!!!!
There are only two good stories’ I would like to tell about me and Gelissa Momorra; Gelissa and I had been seeing each other about 2 weeks when she had the great idea to rent us a car. We had been riding the bus until this day. However we took the bus to AVIS Car Rental in Denver. Like I said, Gelissa was a nasty flirt; it was very—very hard for me to keep my cool when she would do this right in front of me. She knew how I felt about her, but she was trying to cause trouble and get me to do something stupid. And like I said I was trying to cause her to fall in love with me and switch sides. We both failed at what we were trying to do to each other.
Anyway, Gelissa and I took the bus to AVIS when something wonderful happened: Gelissa started her nasty flirting right in front of me, AGAIN, on the bus that day. I wanted to do something to make her stop doing that, but I didn’t know what to do, so I prayed this: “God I pray for the knowledge of your will for me and this nasty little flirt trying to piss me off into doing something stupid on this bus, and Father God I ask for your power to carry out what you would have me do. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!
At the next stop a very nice lady in a wheel chair who’s elevator didn’t go all the way to the top got on the bus. She was very happy but I could tell she wasn’t all there. Well anyway this sweet lady didn’t have any cigarettes so she asked me for one. At this time in my life when ever anybody asked me for a cigarette; I always gave 2, just to be nice. Well this wonderful lady was very happy when I gave her 2 cigarettes until she noticed she didn’t have a lighter with her. She looked at me and started to cry because she didn’t have a lighter; she said most people are so mean to her they won’t even give her a light and she didn’t know what to do. I just happened to have 2 lighters on me that day one was a purple Minnie Bic. I reached in my pocket pulled out the little purple Bic and I said. “It’s OK I have this extra lighter, you can have it”. She was so excited to get the lighter, she started to make a seen right there on the bus. Gelissa had stopped her nasty flirting and was looking at me with baseball size eyes. I could see something had changed about the way Gelissa saw me, but I wasn’t done with the sweet happy lady in the wheel chair; I also had some Jolly Rancher Candies in my pocket, I decided to go ahead and tip the nice lady over with one more random act of kindness. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a hand full of green Jolly Rancher Candies and give them to my new friend in the wheel chair. That did it. She fell down with joy and I think Gelissa fell in love with me at that moment. That was by far the most fun I have ever had in my life!!!!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!! = (777)
This next story is one I hope to never forget; this was AWESOME!!! Gelissa’s favorite store is Wal—Mart, my favorite thing to do is spoil Gelissa with all the money we were getting writing bad checks to pay—day loan companies. Shit, there isn’t a single pay—day loan company in Denver that I don’t owe money to. During one of our days out Gelissa and I decided to go to Wal—Mart and get her some new cloths. Gelissa was very excited because we had lots of money and she knew I was going to spend it all on her. I was listning to my favorite radio station K—Love when they started to play the news. Gelissa and I were just walking in to Wal—Mart when I changed the station to 98.5 KYGO for some country music because I didn’t want to hear the news. As we were walking into the store Gelissa starts going ape shit nuts and at the same time on the radio comes Trace Atkins the Honky—tonk—Badonkey—donk. O—M—G I looked at Gelissa’s cutie butt shaking, arms flaying, hands grabbing everything in sight, and I’m hearing she’s got it going on like donkey—Kong, owe—we shut my mouth slap your grandma, there ought to be a law get the sheriff on the phone, Lord have mercy how’d she even get those britches on. Well I fell down laughing my ass off thinking the only thing I’d change about her is the fact she doesn’t have enough air line skirts, you know, the one’s so short you can see the cock pit. And Wal—Mart is just the place where a guy can fix a problem like that. O—M—G now that’s a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life.
In the end Gelissa ripped my heart out through my throat, tossed it on the ground jumped up and down on it, pulled her panties down and pissed on it, then picked it back up and re—stuffed it back down my gullet, laughing her ass off as she did it, that really sucked!!!!!!
Gelissa: Baby I want more. Please call me! The PO—PO here in Redwood City CA. always know where I am, so call them and they will bring you right to me. Baby I miss you and I can't wait to see you again!
I haven’t seen Gelissa since July of 2007. I still think about her almost every day. She is still somewhat of an enigma, a misery raped up inside a riddle, and I still miss her. For some reason I don’t understand. I do have a gut feeling that I will see her again but only for a short time. I don’t think there is anybody that can tie that dowdy little frump down for long, but dam it, I spent all my available bad boy money on that lusty tavern wench and I deserve to have 10 toes up and 10 toes down, two asses going round and round with that little SKANK. That really is all a woman like her is good for. She is definitely NOT the marring kind that is for sure.
June 15th 2007
Ring – ring – ring———Ring – ring – ring
“Hello this is Brian Schmidt FBI”
“Brian this is Steve Hodges. Can you believe what McCall is doing now?”
“I know Steve, pretty incredible isn’t it?”
“What are we going to do about him he’s writing bad checks all over town. At last count he is approaching $10,000 in less than 2 weeks,” Steve said.
“I’m not sure we should do anything, I mean can you blame him? He is convinced he is going to jail, get killed or receive the posted bonus for finding and turning in the ANTHRAX KILLER. What would you do if you were him,” Brian asked?
“Hey Brian I have an idea. Martin is having police contact almost every day, so why don’t we put out word to keep his ID next time a cop talk’s to him. Maybe we will get lucky.”
“Steve that might just work let’s do it. He can’t write bad checks without ID.”
“OK Brian I get it done. I’ll call you when we have his ID. That should stop that ass hole from doing anymore damage.”
“Great Steve let me know when that happens.”
June 16th 2007
Ring—ring—ring———Ring—ring—ring
“Hello this is Brian Schmidt FBI.”
“Hello Brian Steve Hodges here. We got lucky last night McCall ran into the cops again, and they got his ID already.”
“Wow good job Hodges. You work fast.”
“Brian it was a complete stroke of luck. I didn’t have time yesterday to put out the capture order on McCall’s ID. The Denver Officer just forgot to give it back to McCall, and McCall didn’t ask for it back. The Officer that accidently kept his ID called me because he saw my name attached to the watch list and called me to find out just what in the hell the watch list number attached to McCall’s jacket was all about. He said he never saw anything like that before. That’s when he told me he forgot to give McCall his ID back.”
“That is great news Steve. That should put an end to McCall spending his way into prison.”
“OK Brian I’ll be in touch. Have a Blessed day Sir.”
“OK you too Steve.”
June 23rd 2007
Ring—ring—ring ———Ring—ring—ring
“This is Steve Hodges.”
“Steve, Brian here what in the hell have we done, McCall has spent $15,000 in bad checks since we took his ID. That Martin is one very impressive individual, he is telling people he is showing the ass holes following him around how it’s done. We took his ID thinking that would stop him from writing bad checks. Well the ass hole knows his driver’s license number so he just writes it on the check and people trust him and they aren’t asking him to produce his ID when he writes a bad check.
“Unbelievable, Brian what are we going to do?”
“Well Steve, I think we are going to have to do a mass mailing to every business in the greater Denver area telling them to take no checks without actually seeing the ID of the check writer.”
“Brian you’re talking about spending millions on postage to stop Martin from spending thousands writing bad checks.”
“I know Steve. Incredible isn’t it?”
“Unfrickenbelievable”
“Well Steve, you’re postal, so please, get’er done!
“Will do Brian talk to you later.”
Hey it’s me the SEER, Martin.
I do have one very cool bad check story to tell. This one blew me away, but it did happen just a couple months after the powder thing at The Warranty Group (The Company that fired me for leaving documents pertaining to my recovery lying around).
I had been given a very good idea on how to get a nice used car inventory without paying a penny for it. This is some genius ass shit, so listen up.
Banks repo cars everyday and send them to the city auction, where the reposed used car usually sells for a little less than ½ its market value. The dealers like it that way.
However, there is a better way: Why not convince banks that have some defaulted car loans to deal with, that you can make those bad loans a lot easier on them and prove to them you can bring them a return closer to 80% of their loss. That’s a lot better than the 50% loss they are getting at the city auction. What banker with less than ½ a brain wouldn’t at least listen and maybe just give the right guy a chance at reducing their losses.
Here is the genius stuff: First get the car, the bank has the key code so reposing is easy unless the car is in a locked garage. Second clean and value the car by using NADA used car value book, also check eBay, craigslist, Edmonds.com and usedcars.com to find a fair market value for the car. Third, negotiate with the bank that owns the car what price you will sell the car for. Forth, do not negotiate the price with the interested buyers. Fifth, explain to the buyers that the used cars you are selling have been repossessed, and the bank has the title. Explain that if the buyer returns with the title you will give them the keys and let them have the car.
Look you did no negotiations with your customers so you do not need a dealer’s license; you handled no money so you need no sales license. All you did was send a buyer to the bank with a check, sweet.
Here is the AWESOME bad check story. Because it was arranged for me to hear about how to get lots of used cars to sell without spending a single penny, I started to think about how to get a few things needed to start doing this for myself. I knew I was going to need a computer, camera and smart pretty girls to talk the bankers into giving me there reposed cars. First I went to Costco to get me a new computer. Yup I was planning to write a bad check for a nice one. So I went to Costco picked one out. It was a bad ass HP with Windows Vista. I went through the checkout line and wrote a rubber check. The cashier said the amount was too high and needed manager approval. I thought, shit, there is no way in hell I’m walking out with this computer and sweet Nikon Digital Camera. I figured I’d just say I’m sorry. I’m terrible with money. I’ll go to the bank and straighten out my finances and come back later. What happened next blew me away: The manager of that Costco called my bank to verify funds. She was on the phone for almost a half hour. Then she wiped here forehead and said Mr. McCall your check is good. Then she handed me my receipt, computer and camera. I just about creamed in my pants as I walked out of that store thinking someone powerful is helping me. Who in the hell can intercept a land line call from a store manager to a bank and lie for me about my funds??? Shit I still don’t know who in the hell did that one.
The next thing that happened is even better: A thought accrued to me that I should probably go to my bank and try to make right all the bad checks I had been writing. So that is what I did. I went to my bank, First Bank, the one right across the street from The Warranty Group at the Cross Roads Mall in Golden CO. I met with the bank president and proceeded to tell him my story. He got scared and left me alone in his office. When he returned he was all pasty white and sweating bullets. He didn’t look so good. Within seconds of him returning to his office here comes three Pandas asking what in the hell is going on. The Banker ass hole told the cops that I had written a bad check on a closed account for that new laptop computer I was showing off when the PO—PO arrived. Closed account I didn’t know that, so I asked him when he closed my account. He said, “Yesterday.” “Yesterday,” I said. “Then how in the hell did I walk out of Costco with this new computer just one hour ago?” I told him and the cops that the manager of Costco called my bank to verify funds before letting me leave with the merchandise. Then the cops asked me if I had a receipt for the computer. I said, Yes—Sir—E—Bob—Dixie, here it is right here. Then the Pandas told me,”Mr. McCall you need to find a new bank.” I said, “I know, this one sucks.” I packed up my computer and started to leave, but I did look back, and it was worth it to see the look on that stiff neck, carpet shoe, banker ass holes face. Shit like that started causing me to go completely ape shit nuts. Oh my GOD…
Now let me tell you what happened to that bad ass HP computer with Windows Vista: When I wrote the rubber check for a very nice computer at Costco I was staying at a very corrupt Homeless Shelter called New Genesis a working man’s shelter in down town Denver. At this shelter I met a man named David that befriended me. When he was able to move into one of the shelters apartments he told me, I could discreetly rent a room from him. He told me we had to keep my living there from the staff at New Genesis. I didn’t see any problem with that so I moved in. I called Steve Schafer and he helped me again with my things that my brother put in storage for me.
I moved all my things that I had left into David’s New Genesis apartment. Then I set up my new computer so David could use it to send some email’s he said he needed to get out. Then I left him alone with my new bad ass HP computer with Windows Vista and headed over to the shelter to get my cloths out of my locker. When I returned to the apartment David wasn’t there but Tammy, one of the staff from New Genesis was. She demanded I give her back the key David gave me and told me I was stealing an apartment from her. I told her my computer was in the apartment and I needed to go in and get it. She told me she would call the cops if I went into the apartment to get my computer. She also said nobody lived there and she was just in the place and there was no computer in the apartment. Shit, I got fucked by David and the shelter. That really hurt me and I spent my very first night on the street that night.
CHAPTER 8
Time for me to leave town
First let me explain why I think I’m under a satanic attack:
1) I failed at my attempt to make a career change and lost my beautiful wife, my wonderful son, my self —respect and everything I worked hard for my whole life!!!!!!
2) I get kicked out of my brother’s home and I move in with a guilty condemned to die in Arkansas electric chair murder, pardoned by Bill Clinton 20 years earlier!!!!!!
3) I piss him off by failing one of his recruit tests, and he tosses me out and as I’m leaving he threatens me with car loss, job loss and homelessness, and says it to me like he has the power to make it so!!!!!!
4) Guy (THE guilty condemned to die in Arkansas electric chair murder pardoned by Bill Clinton), makes good on his threat and I did lose my job, car and I became homeless. Plus Guy said he had a big stick in AA and he was going to use it to destroy me, and that started happening to me also!!!!!!
5) Every place I go including AA meetings, someone is calling the panda’s on me lying to them about me, saying I’m a sexual predator and the women are scared of me.
6) Someone is sending SCRIPTED, 27 year old, green eyed, 5’ tall, 100#, 38 D cup, 23” waist, 32” hips, split tailed, double breasted, mattress thrashers in to my life to cause me to get into deep trouble!!!!!!
7) The company I went to work for and I loved my job there, copied my embarrassing ass AA recovery documents, and fired me for leaving those papers laying around at work.
8) Shit, now The Warranty Group, my home town PO—PO, the FBI and the United States Postal Service all has a copy of my embarrassing ass AA 4th step!!!!!!
9) I get accused by my home town police, the FBI and a Federal Postal Inspector as being the person responsible for killing 5 people with ANTHRAX!!!!!!
10) Then I’m put on a wacked out watch list and I get followed around by aggressive agents from at least 4 Federal Law Enforcement Agencies, causing me to go completely ape shit nuts!!!!!!
11) The Shelter I was staying at sets me up and steal what little I have left including my very nice black leather recliner and my bad ass HP computer!!!!!!
12) It was my own family, my brother’s bitchy wife that was given a self addressed stamped package of some kind with handwriting on it that matched the deadly packages that went through the mail back in 2001 killing 5 innocent people. It was Dana McCall that actually dropped that scary little package in the mail, knowing all along it would probably land me in prison!!!!!!
13) I found out by confronting my X —wife that Nick my son was fathered by another man because my wife had an adulterous affair shortly after we were married!!!!!!
O – M – G it really—really—really most defiantly sucks to be me!!!!!!!
April 22, 2010
An old friend of mine has just died, his name is Keli McGregor. Keli was absolutely THE most successful person ever to graduate from Lakewood Sr. High. Keli and I were friends in Jr. High and part of our sophomore year in high school. I spent 6 years in school with Keli and I am sure he would remember me. Keli was always a kind person. He was a lot like Steve Schafer (my best friend) everybody loved him. We were close in Jr. High, but we went different directions in High School. Keli was a super jock and I think, a straight A student as well. I hated school and loved to party. Keli could party but I don’t remember ever seeing him inebriated. He always kept his head, and it can be said, that attitude served him very—very well.
Keli was found dead in a hotel room somewhere in Utah, and it is being reported that he died of natural causes. Shit I would really—really hate to be his personal physician right now. Wait a minute, Keli was a perfect physical male specimen, being provided the best health care money can buy, and he was as healthy as they come. He was the president of the Colorado Rockies’ for Christ sake! And now some dummy expects us to believe he just dropped dead at 48 years old from natural causes. BULL SHIT, I DON’T BUY IT!!!!!!
Here is how narcissistic I am: I think Keli caught wind of what happened to me because I have been bugging 850KOA and 630KHOW both Clear Chanel owned radio stations for the past 3 years now trying to tell as many people as possible what did happened to me and the fact that I think Bill and Hillary Clinton are responsible for the ANTHRAX Killings , because they came after me and my best friend Steve Schafer, and tried to frame us as the ANTHRAX killers but wound up exposing them self’s in the process. I think Keli heard my story and remembered me and decided to help me and wound up murdered because a voice like Keli’s in my favor would be something the Clintons would not want to deal with! That’s what I think anyway, take it for what it’s worth, you decide.
Ring – ring – ring ———Ring – ring – ring
“Hello this is Brian”
“Schmidt this is Hodges. McCall is in the hospital again he was hit by a truck riding his bicycle this time!”
“O – M – G how in the hell did that happen with all the people we have on him,” Brian asked?
“Well Brian, McCall is like the energizer bunny on wheels when he’s on that bicycle!”
“What’s the problem Hodges is the McCall job too tough for you boys over at Postal?”
“Hey Brian I don’t think we deserve ridicule like that from the Federal Bureau of Inebriates!”
“Hey Bucko, that’s Female Body Inspectors to you. Got it, good! So how bad is McCall hurt?”
“Brian, I’m starting to think that big scary gorilla is supernaturally protected. My people on the scene reported he bounced off that truck 20 feet up and 40 feet across, landed in a huge red ant pile and just laid there laughing, saying, “Thanks, may I have another.” Our people on scene told him to just lie still because that hit should have broken his neck, that man is incredible. Here is the strange part. Big fat red ants all pissed off running all around him and not a single one on his body, and he lie there at least 5 minutes waiting for the paramedics to get there, unbelievable!”
“Steve do you think somebody was trying to kill him with that truck?”
“Of cores someone is trying to kill him. Why wouldn’t they! The last two times he was in the hospital there was enough arsenic in him to kill 3 full grown male bob cats. And all McCall got was huge boils all over his head. I heard those boils were the size of an average male human fist. They lanced and drained the puss then purged his system with antibiotics both times.”
“Steve it’s going to get way to costly to protect him here, we must somehow get him to leave town.”
“Brian, how are we going to get him to leave and where should he go where he will be safe?”
“I don’t know Steve, let me work on this a minute, I’ll get back to you as soon as I figure this out”
“OK Brian, but please hurry every chance you get. I don’t want to lose him; I want a happy ending to this mess!”
“You got it buddy I’m all over it; my solution will be coming at you quick.”
Hello again it’s me Martin.
After all the terrible things that happened to me in Denver, I ran in to a guy who told me he was taking care of a girl that just ran off. I asked him where he was staying. He told me he was homeless and hungry. My heart went out to him, so we got something to eat. I could tell he was harmless so I told him he could sleep on the floor of the hotel room I had rented for the week with money my dad gave me. His name was Billy I think. He told me he was from California. Billy turned out to be a good friend with lots of good ideas of how to get things done homeless and broke. Billy believed in everything in moderation; he kept his head when partying. I was sober when I met Billy so I wasn’t drinking but Billy was, very moderately. I noticed he was a very happy person; he never talked about anything that pissed him off. He loved to say life was too short to waste time being mad. This is a clue to the cure for what is in my humble opinion mistakenly called alcoholism (I will explain this later). I learned a lot from Billy and after hearing him talk about how easy life in CA. is when you’re homeless and broke I started to make plans to leave Denver and go there.
After the week in the hotel was up, I couldn’t get any more money from my dad for rent at the hotel. I had figured out that there was some kind of sick, twisted, evil fellowship inside AA that was recruiting me, and I was thinking that Guy (the guilty condemned to die murder set free by Bill Clinton) and his fucked up fellowship was not only after me but also responsible for the ANTHRAX KILLINGS. At this time I hadn’t yet made the Clinton connection. I was thinking Clinton’s only big mistake was setting Guy free and he would go down for that only.
This is why I think is God put his finger print on this thing: I was doing a lot of writing during the time right before and after I moved out of my brother’s house. My story was 34 pages long the day I became convinced the ANTHRAX KILLERS were hiding and recruiting out of AA clubs. I called my best friend Steve Schafer and asked him if I could use his printer to print off a few copies so I could mail one to my uncle Jim, give one to the Lakewood Police Department and keep one for myself. Steve said sure come on over, so I went to Steve’s house to use his computer and printer. The day was 7/7/07!!!!!!! Steve told me I should take out all the F—bombs; I did and the document went down to 33 pages. I had collected 12 cop’s business cards and put their names and phone numbers in the story. Most people know 7 is God’s number. Jesus was 33 when he was crucified and there were 12 disciples. So I had finished my report that I gave to the Lakewood Police Department on 7/7/07, 33 pages long, with 12 cops listed!!! 7 – 33 – 12, there is no way in hell this is a fluke, I did not plan this, and I stopped believing in coincidences a long time ago; I think everything happens for a reason.
This is the make you cry part.
Before I start writing about my AWESOME homeless and broke journey which took place all over this great U.S of A.. I wish to share with you my bag of shit, as I like to call it. This started out as a letter to my uncle Jim who is in prison in N. Carolina. The reason I am willing to be an open book in this part of my story is because I whole heartedly believe I have been shown how to be healed, cured, made whole with the ability to now control and enjoy drinking. I found a permanent solution to problem drinking which is MUCH—MUCH—MUCH better than the daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of a fit spiritual condition offered as a temporary solution to “alcoholism” or problem drinking, as I call it; because the program of AA works only when you work it. I like to say it this way: The program of AA will not work for those who need it. It will not work for those who want it. It will only work for those who do it, and only for as long as they do it.
Here is the truth about the 12 steps: They will make anybody very—very—very happy when worked right, and every time they are worked right. (There is a big GD clue in that last sentence). Look at what is really happening when the 12 steps are worked right: They cause happiness, extreme happiness, and wonderful happiness, almost better than sex happiness! That sounds a lot like what happened to me in the beginning of my drinking career; alcohol was great stuff, I loved—loved—loved that shit and what it did for me even when I used it in excess: Happiness that is exactly what I was looking for. HMM —MAGIC QUESTION TIME: Why wasn’t I happy without alcohol? This is so simple it makes me sick to my stomach to realize it took me over 20 years, cost me everything I loved dearly and worked hard for all my adult life, before I boldly and defiantly figure this out!!! Here is the crushing part: This evil, demonized dis—ease from the pit of hell took me out at almost 7 years clean and sober (DRY)!!!!!!
Out of sanctified fairness I must say this: “I got this total, complete, absolute, unconditional, unlimited and supreme recovery revelation truth by working the 12 steps of AA precisely, accurately and correctly, as instructed in the Bible, the Big Book of AA and the 12 and 12 (also a program of recovery book available in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous). The following prayer holds the way out of bondage and can be found on page 99 of the 12 and 12:
The eleventh step suggestion: “Be quick to see where religious people are right.” Perhaps the hardest place to work the program of recovery as suggested in the AA literature is in the rooms of AA, but do it anyway, it’s worth it even though they will hate you when you get set free. Jesus said this:
“To be a friend to this world is to be an enemy of God.”
1) Lord, make me a channel of thy peace –
2) that where there is hatred, I may bring love –
3) that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of FORGIVENESS –
4) that where there is discord, I may bring harmony –
5) that where there is error, I may bring truth —
6) that where there is doubt, I may bring faith –
7) that where there is despair, I may bring hope —
8) that where there are shadows, I may bring light —
9) that where there is sadness, I may bring joy –
10) Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted –
11) to understand, than to be understood –
12) to love, than to be loved –
For it is by self—forgetting that one finds. It is by FORGIVING that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life in Jesus name I pray, Amen.
I’m not going to give the solution just yet; first I want you to know this about me…
CHAPTER 9
GOD I CANT DO THIS MY SELF, I NEED YOU TO UNDO WHAT I'VE BECOME!!!
My Story and this isn’t going to be very pretty either!
My Story and this isn’t going to be very pretty either!
My life problems started when I was very young. From early childhood I can remember feeling like I just couldn’t fit in. From a very young age I can remember being very unpopular in school. Best I can remember my people problems started to get really bad when I was in the 3rd grade. I was a chubby kid, and people my age were not nice to fat kids back then. I also don’t remember ever being able to get along with my mom and dad, Because of my grades; I didn’t do very well in school. By the time I got to the 4th grade I was getting picked on pretty severely by a lot of my classmates. All I wanted was to find a way to get along with everyone, and have friends. I tried to be the tough guy because I thought tough guys were popular. The only problem with that was the fact that I wasn’t very tough. So I got beat up lots. As you can imagine for a 4th grader this was very depressing and I was starting to develop lots and lots of resentments.
I do have a pretty good grade school bully story though. When I was in the 5th grade there was this kid named Jimmy Murphy. Jim was a real tough guy or at least everyone at the time thought he was. Jim and I were on the same little league football team, and one day after practice, Jim decided to give me the business. I can’t remember exactly what he said to me to get me so angry but I do remember getting really—really mad at him. I was very afraid of getting the shit kicked out of me. He had done it before. Anyway, Jim was in my face picking on me and shoving me, I didn’t know it but another kid came up behind me, and Jim gave me a good hard shove. You know what happened I fell because there was a kid behind me on all fours. I don’t know where the courage came from but I came up from the ground swinging. Jim had braces on his teeth and he wasn’t wearing his mouthpiece. I landed the best right cross right square to his shinny mouth, busted his lip wide open and he started to bleed like a stuck pig. To this day I’ll never forget how that felt to land a good one like that on one of the toughest guy’s in the school. Jim ran to his mommy just like a little baby. I FELT POWERFUL!
Jim was just one of many in my school that use to torment me, and word traveled fast about what I had done, and Jim found it humiliating that I was telling the whole school that I had kicked his butt. As you can imagine, Jim soon wanted a rematch. So the fight was on, kids at my school at that time always went to the church across the street to settle our differences, so that is where we went. Jim and I and all the rest of the school went to watch the blood bath that was about to commence. As was the custom those days someone had to through the first punch. So as Jim was taking off his coat—wamo; I let him have it Right Square in the mouth, busted open the stitches that he had from the last right cross I landed on that SOB. Jim was more popular than I was, in fact he had lots of friends I had none. And the crowd that came to witness this heavy weight bought had determined that it was not a fair fight. I smacked Jim when he had his hands behind his back. The crowd got angry with me, and decided to gang up on me and let Jim beat the hell out of me. That is what happened.
It became a daily ordeal for Jim and all his friends to chase me home from school. I had to learn all the good hiding places that were on my way home to avoid getting my ass kicked every day. The feeling I got from belting Jim in the mouth those 2 times was incredible; and I would like to add that none of the bully’s that were tormenting me back then ever tried to bully me when they were alone. In fact when I saw any of them when they were all by them self’s they were all afraid of me. I loved the way that felt.
I do have a pretty good grade school bully story though. When I was in the 5th grade there was this kid named Jimmy Murphy. Jim was a real tough guy or at least everyone at the time thought he was. Jim and I were on the same little league football team, and one day after practice, Jim decided to give me the business. I can’t remember exactly what he said to me to get me so angry but I do remember getting really—really mad at him. I was very afraid of getting the shit kicked out of me. He had done it before. Anyway, Jim was in my face picking on me and shoving me, I didn’t know it but another kid came up behind me, and Jim gave me a good hard shove. You know what happened I fell because there was a kid behind me on all fours. I don’t know where the courage came from but I came up from the ground swinging. Jim had braces on his teeth and he wasn’t wearing his mouthpiece. I landed the best right cross right square to his shinny mouth, busted his lip wide open and he started to bleed like a stuck pig. To this day I’ll never forget how that felt to land a good one like that on one of the toughest guy’s in the school. Jim ran to his mommy just like a little baby. I FELT POWERFUL!
Jim was just one of many in my school that use to torment me, and word traveled fast about what I had done, and Jim found it humiliating that I was telling the whole school that I had kicked his butt. As you can imagine, Jim soon wanted a rematch. So the fight was on, kids at my school at that time always went to the church across the street to settle our differences, so that is where we went. Jim and I and all the rest of the school went to watch the blood bath that was about to commence. As was the custom those days someone had to through the first punch. So as Jim was taking off his coat—wamo; I let him have it Right Square in the mouth, busted open the stitches that he had from the last right cross I landed on that SOB. Jim was more popular than I was, in fact he had lots of friends I had none. And the crowd that came to witness this heavy weight bought had determined that it was not a fair fight. I smacked Jim when he had his hands behind his back. The crowd got angry with me, and decided to gang up on me and let Jim beat the hell out of me. That is what happened.
It became a daily ordeal for Jim and all his friends to chase me home from school. I had to learn all the good hiding places that were on my way home to avoid getting my ass kicked every day. The feeling I got from belting Jim in the mouth those 2 times was incredible; and I would like to add that none of the bully’s that were tormenting me back then ever tried to bully me when they were alone. In fact when I saw any of them when they were all by them self’s they were all afraid of me. I loved the way that felt.
As life went on at my elementary school things didn’t really improve as far as my being able to get along or fit in with the other kids. I was still unable to make many friends. I can remember feeling very lonely at a very young age. This lonely feeling has always been a big part of my life; it was like a big empty space inside me. I was always trying to fill it with things. When I look back, nothing I ever got was able to fill that big painful empty space.
I continued to get picked on by a lot of my classmates. I remember feeling depressed most of the time. When I finished the 6th grade my parents and I decided it would be best for me, if I went to a different junior school than the rest of my class mates, so that I would at least be away from all my tormentors. I went to Lakewood Junior High, while the rest of my classmates went to Creation Junior high.
I told myself that I would somehow find a way to make friends. Over the summer I thought a lot about how I would do that. Also that summer I started to lift weights. By the time I started 7th grade I had started to go through puberty and my body had changed over the summer, I wasn’t a fat kid any more. I didn’t know anybody at my new junior high school. All I wanted was to fit in and have some friends. Back then a lot of kids were smoking and all the smokers hung out together out of sight from the faculty, I thought the smokers were so cool. Yup you guessed it I thought I would take up smoking and fit right in.
It seems to me there were only two major groups of kids in my junior school, freaks and jocks. The freaks smoked pot and cigarettes and drank alcohol, the jocks just drank alcohol. I hadn’t been in junior high long when I discovered pot, I really—really loved the way that stuff made me feel, and what do you know I’m starting to make friends OMG I think I’ve found my answer to all my problems just get stoned. It wasn’t long after I started smoking pot that I discovered alcohol. I was at a graduation party for one of my cousins, the whole family was there. All the adults were getting smashed, and I found myself drinking alcohol from the adult’s glasses that had been set down. I drank a lot and I got really drunk. Wow this alcohol was great stuff; it really made me feel great. I felt like a totally different person. I felt powerful. People thought I was funny; I became somebody totally cool. I had found my answer to all my problems. So from then on until I sobered up at 27, my life was all about the party. All I was interested in doing was finding a way to get stoned or drunk.
As you can imagine I did horrible in school I hated homework and I hardly ever studied, so my grades were terrible. Hey but at least I had some friends now, and we were all the same. We all lived to get hammered or stoned or better yet both. I had started to become quite the popular freak. I had friends. I was somebody. Oh how I loved what drugs and alcohol had done for me: Although I was not very popular with the jocks.
I continued to get picked on by a lot of my classmates. I remember feeling depressed most of the time. When I finished the 6th grade my parents and I decided it would be best for me, if I went to a different junior school than the rest of my class mates, so that I would at least be away from all my tormentors. I went to Lakewood Junior High, while the rest of my classmates went to Creation Junior high.
I told myself that I would somehow find a way to make friends. Over the summer I thought a lot about how I would do that. Also that summer I started to lift weights. By the time I started 7th grade I had started to go through puberty and my body had changed over the summer, I wasn’t a fat kid any more. I didn’t know anybody at my new junior high school. All I wanted was to fit in and have some friends. Back then a lot of kids were smoking and all the smokers hung out together out of sight from the faculty, I thought the smokers were so cool. Yup you guessed it I thought I would take up smoking and fit right in.
It seems to me there were only two major groups of kids in my junior school, freaks and jocks. The freaks smoked pot and cigarettes and drank alcohol, the jocks just drank alcohol. I hadn’t been in junior high long when I discovered pot, I really—really loved the way that stuff made me feel, and what do you know I’m starting to make friends OMG I think I’ve found my answer to all my problems just get stoned. It wasn’t long after I started smoking pot that I discovered alcohol. I was at a graduation party for one of my cousins, the whole family was there. All the adults were getting smashed, and I found myself drinking alcohol from the adult’s glasses that had been set down. I drank a lot and I got really drunk. Wow this alcohol was great stuff; it really made me feel great. I felt like a totally different person. I felt powerful. People thought I was funny; I became somebody totally cool. I had found my answer to all my problems. So from then on until I sobered up at 27, my life was all about the party. All I was interested in doing was finding a way to get stoned or drunk.
As you can imagine I did horrible in school I hated homework and I hardly ever studied, so my grades were terrible. Hey but at least I had some friends now, and we were all the same. We all lived to get hammered or stoned or better yet both. I had started to become quite the popular freak. I had friends. I was somebody. Oh how I loved what drugs and alcohol had done for me: Although I was not very popular with the jocks.
My parents weren’t all too happy with me and I was getting grounded all the time, my home life really sucked. By this time I think it is fair to say that my parents and I hated each other. My father was at his whit’s end with me, he really did not know what to do with me accept ground me and take away my privileges. This just didn’t work with me, I was not going to stop smoking cigs, pot or quit using alcohol, these things had made me the person I had always wanted to be, these things gave me power, all my friends were doing these things, I loved what these things did to me, I had become addicted.
A lot of things happened when I was in junior high most of which wasn’t very good. I discovered cigs booze and pot. I had my first love when I was in 9th grade. I recently met up with this girl 30 years later in an AA meeting I’ll tell you more about that later. I also met my best friend Steve. Steve and I stayed very close until I messed up that relationship later on in life; which I’ll also go into later. When I was in junior high we did a lot of partying smoked pot every day and got drunk every weekend. I had changed from a short fat kid into a muscled up pot—smoking beer—drinking bully.
At the end of my 9th grade year I had gotten pretty big and I had been in a lot of fights so I was now ready to face my elementary school tormentors with a vengeance. I was so looking forward to seeing those pusses’ again. I was really going to let them have it; you see I was going to be in the same high school with those punks that tormented me so terribly in elementary school. I spent the entire summer between 9th and 10th grade lifting weights getting stoned and drunk and smoking cigs. I made it my mission in life to get even with everyone of them in grand fashion. I wanted them all to know that they were all going to pay for what they had done to me; and I was going to make sure I had enough size to do it. I already had somewhat of a reputation as a brawler from some of the party fights I got in while I was in junior high. I always wanted to be the tough guy so that is what I became.
When I started High School I went after those kids one by one, sure, I won some and I lost some, but for the most part I had accomplished what I had set out to do before the first month of school was over. I felt powerful; I loved the fact that most of the other kids were afraid of me. At this young age my friend Steve was noticing that when I would drink, I would do things that I normally wouldn’t do when I was just stoned or sober. Steve was a very popular guy; he was loved by everyone. I had always treated Steve with respect and he was a very good best friend. I on the other hand was not too popular; I wasn’t liked by everyone like Steve was. Most people treated me with respect, because I was a mean SOB. I did have some friends or should I say some people who hung around me, because I could always find a way to get booze or drugs.
I didn’t get too many girl friends from my school because I was such an ass hole, so just about all my girl friends were from other schools that I would meet at bear Valley Park. This was a real cool place to hang out when I was in high school. This park was always packed with drug dealers. A guy could always find just about any kind of drug you wanted there; and every weekend there was a keg party. As I went through my high school years, as you can guess, I continued to party hearty.
After my 10th grade year I dropped out of high school. My parents had divorced and neither of them wanted me, I know I had a lot to do with my parents getting a divorce. During this time I had been arrested on many occasions, I would sneak out of the house and find a way to end up in jail. I remember always saying to my buddy’s before we went out that my mission for the night was to get laid or get in a fight, the latter usually happened.
When I was a teenager I never had any problem getting booze. There was always a liquor store somewhere that would sell to me; I guess I looked old for my age. The summer between 10th and 11th grade my mom was the one that got stuck with me. She couldn’t handle me and I wanted out of the house. I was ready to be on my own at 16.
I had a job at a gas station. I met a guy about 22 years old there at the gas station that I worked at. He seemed pretty cool. I use to buy pot and coke from him. He worked for his father at a TV repair shop just behind the gas station that I worked at. In a short time we became friends; he was looking for a roommate and I was looking for a room. I don’t remember his name but I do remember he was a lot like me, a mean SOB. He was from Las Vegas and he always talked about how cool Vegas were. We made plans to take a road trip to Vegas, and when he ripped of his dad for a couple thousand dollars we took our road trip to Vegas. We got drunk the whole way there.
When we got there we quickly went broke gambling. So there I was stuck in Vegas with no money and no place to stay. We went cruising the strip when then we saw a beautiful Vegas hooker hitch hiking on the strip. We stopped and gave her a lift. I thought she was cute, so I asked her for her number. She gave it to me; we took her to where she wanted to go and dropped her off.
We started drinking beer that I had stolen from a liquor store, we called that sprinting beer. We got drunk and started plotting ways to rip someone off for some money. We made plans to roll some old man as he came out of a casino. We made plans to roll some hooker on the street. Then we remembered that I had the hooker’s # that we had met earlier. So I called that hooker and set up a trick. We picked her up and headed out into the desert. She got scared and tried to crash the car. I was driving she was in the passenger seat. I decided to pull over, grab her purse, and through her out of the car. So we made off with her purse. There was a whopping $4.00 in that purse. What we didn’t know was; there was an unmarked police car right behind us that saw the whole thing. He had gotten our license plate # but he stopped to help the woman we through out of the car. I did stop the car before we through her out.
The next day we met this pimp in a pool hall. Another plan was to try and hustle some money playing pool. We did win some money at the pool hall. So we had a little money and no drugs. This pimp we met agreed to get us some pot from a guy he knew. So we went to his dealer’s house and waited outside for our new friend the pimp. A cop came by us real slow, and looked us over real good. We just sat there, about 2 minutes later we were surrounded by cops with their guns drawn, telling us to get out of the car with our hands on our heads.
Here I go off to jail in Vegas. I was 16 years old so I went to Vegas Juvie. We were charged with first degree kidnapping for what we had done to that hooker. A charge I later found out wouldn’t stick to the other two guys because they were over 21. But for me, they told me I was being charged with kidnapping, but what they were really holding me on was the fact it was illegal to be in the state of Nevada when you’re under 21 without adult supervision. The juvie system and my parents were in cahoots. Their plan was to scare the shit out of me. I was also told that I was going to be charged as an adult and probably get 20 years, for kidnapping a hooker.
I was very scared while I was in the Vegas juvenile hall. And I prayed to God if he would get me out of this I would straighten myself up. After 4 months in juvie, I got released. My mom had a friend in Vegas who came and picked me up, and took me to her home, and there I waited until it was time for me to get on a plane for Denver. My mom didn’t know it but her friend in Vegas that picked me up, was now a doper, and her husband too. You guessed it. I got stoned and drunk that very day with my mom’s friend and her hubby. My mom was shocked when she picked me up from the airport and I was obviously drunk and stoned. She asked me where I got the booze. I told her that I got it on the plane from one of the stewardesses.
This would have been my 11th grade year. I stayed out of school the rest of that year, partying my ass off all I could, stoned or drunk or both every day. I lived for the party. I don’t know why my mom took me back into her home but she did. She left me alone for the most part. I worked some odd jobs at this time. Just enough to keep me supplied with booze and drugs.
When the next school year started I went back to school. I hated it, but I did take a class called World or Work. This class was a course to prepare you for life out of school; its main objective was to test you for your aptitude. I at that time tested good to be a construction worker. I took that class seriously. Before I was done with the first semester, I was ready to be out of school. So I went to the teacher of that class Mr. Evans and told him I was going to drop out of high school, again. I also told him that I wanted to go to Warren Tech and learn a trade. Mr. Evans contacted Warren Tech and fought to get me in that school in the Sheet Metal class. I got in.
I learned a trade. I became a HVAC construction worker. Oh yeah I partied every day while I was in trade school and I continued to get in fights and wind up in the drunk tank or jail often. But I did manage to finish the course. I got a good job working for a residential heating and air conditioning company. And I quickly make shop Forman. I was young when they made me Forman. There was this lazy old ex marine that worked under me in that shop. He didn’t like me at all. I pissed him off really bad one day, and he walked off the job. I had gotten two DUI’s that I forgot to mention so I had no car and I was taking the bus to work. It just so happened that, the old ex marine that hated me, also rode the bus, the same bus that I took. He knew where to find me the next day after he walked off the job... He was at the bus stop the next day, and he wanted a piece of me. You guessed it, the fight was on. He gave me a shove and I landed a solid right that knocked him on his ass. I told him to stay down but he got up with a knife. This explains the scar on my face he tried to cut my eyes out but I flinched enough so that he only cut half my nose off. My employer got wind of what had happened between the two of us, so we both got fired. He did go to jail. I got 150 stitches to put my nose back on straight. I did get another job the next day, and I had quite a story to tell. Being an insane drunk is a prerequisite in most of the construction jobs that I have ever had. I think that you can find the worst of humanity working construction.
Shortly after I got my nose half cut off; I met my first wife Gina, yup, I met her in a bar. She was a college student at CSU in Fort Collins. She was a good woman. She deserved better than me, I was still a crazy drunk, and I was not going to be faithful to her. We stayed together about 5 years and wound up divorcing in 1987, I think.
I moved to California and really went crazy. I lived the fast life there spending most of my money on booze and drugs of course. I also became a coke dealer while I was there. I bought a Corvette and I thought I was king shit. But I got to tell you, I was so crazy by this time I could have walked into a whore house on a free night with a fist full of $100.00 bills, leave broke and dry. I was getting pretty disparate. I went to the bars often; but always either went home alone or got in a fight and wound up in jail. And on top of getting my ass kicked at the bar because I was always way too drunk to be able to put up a good fight. When the police got me too the jail, I was always so belligerent to the cops that they would kick my ass again.
The booze had stopped working for me. I was starting to want to stop. Every time I would get out of jail I would tell myself that I was through drinking for good. But by quitting time I was on my way to the liquor store for more, telling myself it would be different this time. It never was any better. I kept getting worse. I did finally manage to find a girl friend there, her name was “Luann,” I really liked Luann, but she saw I was a hopeless drunk; she broke my heart after about 6 months.
After Luann I came home to Colorado. I continued to drink and use drugs when I got home from CA but I was a miserable, lonely, instant asshole, just add beer. None of my buddies except Steve would have anything to do with me once I started to drink. I was missing my wife Gina, and I was starting to experience loneliness and depression. At this point in my life I really wanted to be married and settle down. I saw that my party life wasn’t so fun anymore. I wanted to stop drinking and settle down. The only problem with that was the only place I was meeting any women was at the bars, and you know what was happening at the bars; I’d get falling down drunk and no woman would have anything to do with me. So I would get frustrated and start a fight. Just like always. This would land me in either the drunken—tank or in jail.
I had been back from CA about 5 months when I finally decided to check myself into a treatment facility for alcohol and drug dependency. I thought for sure I would find a nice girl there and life would be great! I didn’t meet any girl friends in treatment. They introduced me to AA, and there were always pretty girls at the meetings. As you can guess I started to use AA the same way I used the bars, as a pick up joint. Back then AA was a singles club; it was great, except people kept telling me to stay away from women for the first year: A suggestion that I was not going to accept. I can remember sharing at a meeting once; there were a lot of old timers at that meeting. I spoke up and said that I was excited to be in AA, and I agreed with almost everything that I was being taught in the program, except one thing; I said “I’m willing to do everything that was being suggested, except one thing. I’m not going to wait one whole year to start dating.” All the old timers at that meeting had the same reaction to that statement. They all just looked at me and shook their heads. Many spoke up and said, I was not being very wise and I would probably stay sick and delay my recovery. I didn’t care, I had a young sponsor at the time who told me this: “If all you’re looking for is sex then its okay. But you must be honest with whoever you are hitting on, that you must stay out of a relationship, because you needed to work on your recovery first.” THAT IS THE ABOSULT WORST ADVICE I HAD EVER GOT IN AA.
One day I was at an AA meeting, and this big busted woman my age sat down next to me before the meeting started. We started to talk. She was kind of cutie, and I was hoping for a little 13 step action if you know what I mean. I was sober 3 months and my libido was running strong as hell. So after the meeting we went out for coffee.
We hadn’t known each other 2 hours when she invited me for a frenzy of pagan lust at her cabin up at the big lake in Nebraska. Now I knew exactly what to tell her. My sponsor had taught me well. I told this woman, “I’m only 3 months sober, and I can’t be in any relationship with any woman right now. But I am attracted to you, and if you’re feeling the same as me, and all you want is sex, then I’m okay with spending the weekend with you up at your cabin.” She said, “I’m only nine months sober and my sponsor told me the same thing. Sex is all I’m looking for right now also.”
So off we went, for a nice weekend full of lots of sex. After the weekend was over she dropped me off at my place and took off for her place, I thought. 30 minutes later there was a knock at my door. I answered the door and there she was with flowers in her hand. She wanted more of what we had over the weekend. I was tired and I just wanted to be alone. So I thanked her for the flowers and told her I needed to get to sleep. She left a little upset. I felt kind of bad for shoeing her off like that. I could tell she was hurt a little. But honestly I really didn’t want to see her again.
One thing I had learned about women is this, if a woman is easy for me she will be easy for anyone, and another problem I had back then was, I always wanted what I couldn’t have. So it seemed to always happen if a woman wanted me I wasn’t interested unless she was drop dead gorgeous. But I never really had too many drop dead gorgeous women in my life. This woman had changed her mind about only wanting sex. She wanted a relationship with me, and she made it clear to me if I didn’t give her what she wanted she was going to be hurt, and it would be my entire fault. I figured I had hurt enough people in my life and I didn’t want to hurt her, so I let her hang around. Another insane decision that I made on my own, I was still living my life ran on sell will.
A month went by, and I was out of work and out of money, and I was getting kicked out of my crib. I didn’t know where to go. This woman that I was letting hang around had room for me in her home, and she wanted me to move in with her. I really didn’t want to move in with her, but I didn’t want to be on the street either, so I moved in with her. By this time I really didn’t want to be with her. Hell I didn’t even like her. But I was willing to use her in order to keep from being a homeless and broke Hobo person.
Yup, badaboom—badabang she got pregnant. So there I was 6 months sober and about to be a father. OH how I prayed that the kid would turn out to be somebody else’s.
A lot of things happened when I was in junior high most of which wasn’t very good. I discovered cigs booze and pot. I had my first love when I was in 9th grade. I recently met up with this girl 30 years later in an AA meeting I’ll tell you more about that later. I also met my best friend Steve. Steve and I stayed very close until I messed up that relationship later on in life; which I’ll also go into later. When I was in junior high we did a lot of partying smoked pot every day and got drunk every weekend. I had changed from a short fat kid into a muscled up pot—smoking beer—drinking bully.
At the end of my 9th grade year I had gotten pretty big and I had been in a lot of fights so I was now ready to face my elementary school tormentors with a vengeance. I was so looking forward to seeing those pusses’ again. I was really going to let them have it; you see I was going to be in the same high school with those punks that tormented me so terribly in elementary school. I spent the entire summer between 9th and 10th grade lifting weights getting stoned and drunk and smoking cigs. I made it my mission in life to get even with everyone of them in grand fashion. I wanted them all to know that they were all going to pay for what they had done to me; and I was going to make sure I had enough size to do it. I already had somewhat of a reputation as a brawler from some of the party fights I got in while I was in junior high. I always wanted to be the tough guy so that is what I became.
When I started High School I went after those kids one by one, sure, I won some and I lost some, but for the most part I had accomplished what I had set out to do before the first month of school was over. I felt powerful; I loved the fact that most of the other kids were afraid of me. At this young age my friend Steve was noticing that when I would drink, I would do things that I normally wouldn’t do when I was just stoned or sober. Steve was a very popular guy; he was loved by everyone. I had always treated Steve with respect and he was a very good best friend. I on the other hand was not too popular; I wasn’t liked by everyone like Steve was. Most people treated me with respect, because I was a mean SOB. I did have some friends or should I say some people who hung around me, because I could always find a way to get booze or drugs.
I didn’t get too many girl friends from my school because I was such an ass hole, so just about all my girl friends were from other schools that I would meet at bear Valley Park. This was a real cool place to hang out when I was in high school. This park was always packed with drug dealers. A guy could always find just about any kind of drug you wanted there; and every weekend there was a keg party. As I went through my high school years, as you can guess, I continued to party hearty.
After my 10th grade year I dropped out of high school. My parents had divorced and neither of them wanted me, I know I had a lot to do with my parents getting a divorce. During this time I had been arrested on many occasions, I would sneak out of the house and find a way to end up in jail. I remember always saying to my buddy’s before we went out that my mission for the night was to get laid or get in a fight, the latter usually happened.
When I was a teenager I never had any problem getting booze. There was always a liquor store somewhere that would sell to me; I guess I looked old for my age. The summer between 10th and 11th grade my mom was the one that got stuck with me. She couldn’t handle me and I wanted out of the house. I was ready to be on my own at 16.
I had a job at a gas station. I met a guy about 22 years old there at the gas station that I worked at. He seemed pretty cool. I use to buy pot and coke from him. He worked for his father at a TV repair shop just behind the gas station that I worked at. In a short time we became friends; he was looking for a roommate and I was looking for a room. I don’t remember his name but I do remember he was a lot like me, a mean SOB. He was from Las Vegas and he always talked about how cool Vegas were. We made plans to take a road trip to Vegas, and when he ripped of his dad for a couple thousand dollars we took our road trip to Vegas. We got drunk the whole way there.
When we got there we quickly went broke gambling. So there I was stuck in Vegas with no money and no place to stay. We went cruising the strip when then we saw a beautiful Vegas hooker hitch hiking on the strip. We stopped and gave her a lift. I thought she was cute, so I asked her for her number. She gave it to me; we took her to where she wanted to go and dropped her off.
We started drinking beer that I had stolen from a liquor store, we called that sprinting beer. We got drunk and started plotting ways to rip someone off for some money. We made plans to roll some old man as he came out of a casino. We made plans to roll some hooker on the street. Then we remembered that I had the hooker’s # that we had met earlier. So I called that hooker and set up a trick. We picked her up and headed out into the desert. She got scared and tried to crash the car. I was driving she was in the passenger seat. I decided to pull over, grab her purse, and through her out of the car. So we made off with her purse. There was a whopping $4.00 in that purse. What we didn’t know was; there was an unmarked police car right behind us that saw the whole thing. He had gotten our license plate # but he stopped to help the woman we through out of the car. I did stop the car before we through her out.
The next day we met this pimp in a pool hall. Another plan was to try and hustle some money playing pool. We did win some money at the pool hall. So we had a little money and no drugs. This pimp we met agreed to get us some pot from a guy he knew. So we went to his dealer’s house and waited outside for our new friend the pimp. A cop came by us real slow, and looked us over real good. We just sat there, about 2 minutes later we were surrounded by cops with their guns drawn, telling us to get out of the car with our hands on our heads.
Here I go off to jail in Vegas. I was 16 years old so I went to Vegas Juvie. We were charged with first degree kidnapping for what we had done to that hooker. A charge I later found out wouldn’t stick to the other two guys because they were over 21. But for me, they told me I was being charged with kidnapping, but what they were really holding me on was the fact it was illegal to be in the state of Nevada when you’re under 21 without adult supervision. The juvie system and my parents were in cahoots. Their plan was to scare the shit out of me. I was also told that I was going to be charged as an adult and probably get 20 years, for kidnapping a hooker.
I was very scared while I was in the Vegas juvenile hall. And I prayed to God if he would get me out of this I would straighten myself up. After 4 months in juvie, I got released. My mom had a friend in Vegas who came and picked me up, and took me to her home, and there I waited until it was time for me to get on a plane for Denver. My mom didn’t know it but her friend in Vegas that picked me up, was now a doper, and her husband too. You guessed it. I got stoned and drunk that very day with my mom’s friend and her hubby. My mom was shocked when she picked me up from the airport and I was obviously drunk and stoned. She asked me where I got the booze. I told her that I got it on the plane from one of the stewardesses.
This would have been my 11th grade year. I stayed out of school the rest of that year, partying my ass off all I could, stoned or drunk or both every day. I lived for the party. I don’t know why my mom took me back into her home but she did. She left me alone for the most part. I worked some odd jobs at this time. Just enough to keep me supplied with booze and drugs.
When the next school year started I went back to school. I hated it, but I did take a class called World or Work. This class was a course to prepare you for life out of school; its main objective was to test you for your aptitude. I at that time tested good to be a construction worker. I took that class seriously. Before I was done with the first semester, I was ready to be out of school. So I went to the teacher of that class Mr. Evans and told him I was going to drop out of high school, again. I also told him that I wanted to go to Warren Tech and learn a trade. Mr. Evans contacted Warren Tech and fought to get me in that school in the Sheet Metal class. I got in.
I learned a trade. I became a HVAC construction worker. Oh yeah I partied every day while I was in trade school and I continued to get in fights and wind up in the drunk tank or jail often. But I did manage to finish the course. I got a good job working for a residential heating and air conditioning company. And I quickly make shop Forman. I was young when they made me Forman. There was this lazy old ex marine that worked under me in that shop. He didn’t like me at all. I pissed him off really bad one day, and he walked off the job. I had gotten two DUI’s that I forgot to mention so I had no car and I was taking the bus to work. It just so happened that, the old ex marine that hated me, also rode the bus, the same bus that I took. He knew where to find me the next day after he walked off the job... He was at the bus stop the next day, and he wanted a piece of me. You guessed it, the fight was on. He gave me a shove and I landed a solid right that knocked him on his ass. I told him to stay down but he got up with a knife. This explains the scar on my face he tried to cut my eyes out but I flinched enough so that he only cut half my nose off. My employer got wind of what had happened between the two of us, so we both got fired. He did go to jail. I got 150 stitches to put my nose back on straight. I did get another job the next day, and I had quite a story to tell. Being an insane drunk is a prerequisite in most of the construction jobs that I have ever had. I think that you can find the worst of humanity working construction.
Shortly after I got my nose half cut off; I met my first wife Gina, yup, I met her in a bar. She was a college student at CSU in Fort Collins. She was a good woman. She deserved better than me, I was still a crazy drunk, and I was not going to be faithful to her. We stayed together about 5 years and wound up divorcing in 1987, I think.
I moved to California and really went crazy. I lived the fast life there spending most of my money on booze and drugs of course. I also became a coke dealer while I was there. I bought a Corvette and I thought I was king shit. But I got to tell you, I was so crazy by this time I could have walked into a whore house on a free night with a fist full of $100.00 bills, leave broke and dry. I was getting pretty disparate. I went to the bars often; but always either went home alone or got in a fight and wound up in jail. And on top of getting my ass kicked at the bar because I was always way too drunk to be able to put up a good fight. When the police got me too the jail, I was always so belligerent to the cops that they would kick my ass again.
The booze had stopped working for me. I was starting to want to stop. Every time I would get out of jail I would tell myself that I was through drinking for good. But by quitting time I was on my way to the liquor store for more, telling myself it would be different this time. It never was any better. I kept getting worse. I did finally manage to find a girl friend there, her name was “Luann,” I really liked Luann, but she saw I was a hopeless drunk; she broke my heart after about 6 months.
After Luann I came home to Colorado. I continued to drink and use drugs when I got home from CA but I was a miserable, lonely, instant asshole, just add beer. None of my buddies except Steve would have anything to do with me once I started to drink. I was missing my wife Gina, and I was starting to experience loneliness and depression. At this point in my life I really wanted to be married and settle down. I saw that my party life wasn’t so fun anymore. I wanted to stop drinking and settle down. The only problem with that was the only place I was meeting any women was at the bars, and you know what was happening at the bars; I’d get falling down drunk and no woman would have anything to do with me. So I would get frustrated and start a fight. Just like always. This would land me in either the drunken—tank or in jail.
I had been back from CA about 5 months when I finally decided to check myself into a treatment facility for alcohol and drug dependency. I thought for sure I would find a nice girl there and life would be great! I didn’t meet any girl friends in treatment. They introduced me to AA, and there were always pretty girls at the meetings. As you can guess I started to use AA the same way I used the bars, as a pick up joint. Back then AA was a singles club; it was great, except people kept telling me to stay away from women for the first year: A suggestion that I was not going to accept. I can remember sharing at a meeting once; there were a lot of old timers at that meeting. I spoke up and said that I was excited to be in AA, and I agreed with almost everything that I was being taught in the program, except one thing; I said “I’m willing to do everything that was being suggested, except one thing. I’m not going to wait one whole year to start dating.” All the old timers at that meeting had the same reaction to that statement. They all just looked at me and shook their heads. Many spoke up and said, I was not being very wise and I would probably stay sick and delay my recovery. I didn’t care, I had a young sponsor at the time who told me this: “If all you’re looking for is sex then its okay. But you must be honest with whoever you are hitting on, that you must stay out of a relationship, because you needed to work on your recovery first.” THAT IS THE ABOSULT WORST ADVICE I HAD EVER GOT IN AA.
One day I was at an AA meeting, and this big busted woman my age sat down next to me before the meeting started. We started to talk. She was kind of cutie, and I was hoping for a little 13 step action if you know what I mean. I was sober 3 months and my libido was running strong as hell. So after the meeting we went out for coffee.
We hadn’t known each other 2 hours when she invited me for a frenzy of pagan lust at her cabin up at the big lake in Nebraska. Now I knew exactly what to tell her. My sponsor had taught me well. I told this woman, “I’m only 3 months sober, and I can’t be in any relationship with any woman right now. But I am attracted to you, and if you’re feeling the same as me, and all you want is sex, then I’m okay with spending the weekend with you up at your cabin.” She said, “I’m only nine months sober and my sponsor told me the same thing. Sex is all I’m looking for right now also.”
So off we went, for a nice weekend full of lots of sex. After the weekend was over she dropped me off at my place and took off for her place, I thought. 30 minutes later there was a knock at my door. I answered the door and there she was with flowers in her hand. She wanted more of what we had over the weekend. I was tired and I just wanted to be alone. So I thanked her for the flowers and told her I needed to get to sleep. She left a little upset. I felt kind of bad for shoeing her off like that. I could tell she was hurt a little. But honestly I really didn’t want to see her again.
One thing I had learned about women is this, if a woman is easy for me she will be easy for anyone, and another problem I had back then was, I always wanted what I couldn’t have. So it seemed to always happen if a woman wanted me I wasn’t interested unless she was drop dead gorgeous. But I never really had too many drop dead gorgeous women in my life. This woman had changed her mind about only wanting sex. She wanted a relationship with me, and she made it clear to me if I didn’t give her what she wanted she was going to be hurt, and it would be my entire fault. I figured I had hurt enough people in my life and I didn’t want to hurt her, so I let her hang around. Another insane decision that I made on my own, I was still living my life ran on sell will.
A month went by, and I was out of work and out of money, and I was getting kicked out of my crib. I didn’t know where to go. This woman that I was letting hang around had room for me in her home, and she wanted me to move in with her. I really didn’t want to move in with her, but I didn’t want to be on the street either, so I moved in with her. By this time I really didn’t want to be with her. Hell I didn’t even like her. But I was willing to use her in order to keep from being a homeless and broke Hobo person.
Yup, badaboom—badabang she got pregnant. So there I was 6 months sober and about to be a father. OH how I prayed that the kid would turn out to be somebody else’s.
I had taken a job that took me to Pueblo CO.. I was so happy to get away from that insane woman I had been living with. But I didn’t break up with her just yet. She was pregnant and I told her I would see her on the weekends. The job provided me with a motel room up in Pueblo. So I no longer needed her.
While I was up there I met a very attractive slut at the diner I ate at every night. This woman was in my opinion the definition of a nymphomaniac. She was a lot of fun, but not exactly the marring kind if you know what I mean. The other woman that I had knocked up paid me an unexpected visit one night up in pueblo, while I was having fun with this new girl I met at the diner. I was caught, and my pregnant girl friend that I really did not like at all, was devastated. I did feel bad for her but I wanted that relationship to be over. So I stopped seeing the pregnant one and kept on seeing the tramp from pueblo. This woman in pueblo was just as nutty as I was but she could not be happy with just one man and I knew it, so after a few months with this nut, I ended that relationship as well and moved back to Denver. The job I had in pueblo was finished.
I got a job in Denver and got my own place. I was sober almost 2 years now and my son Scott was about to be born. I had no girl friend at this time, and I was trolling AA meetings for women… I wasn’t having much luck though, and I was starting to get lonely and depressed. There was a little diner near my place that I moved into in Wheat Ridge, I ate there often.
One Saturday morning I was their having breakfast when I noticed a pretty young woman across the room. She was smiling at me. Then I prayed to the wrong god and I asked if he would send that pretty little thing over to me with her name and phone #. I couldn’t believe it, in a few minutes she came over to me; her name was Angela she gave me her phone #. I called her later that day and made a date for that night. Angela was very attractive and built very well. We went to a movie that night and she wanted to come over to my place and talk later that evening. Well, there wasn’t much talking going on back at my place, if you know what I mean. And 2 days later she moved in with me. My son Scott was born. I was really hoping he wasn’t mine. Angela and I were married one month later. She was gone two months after that.
This insane relationship I had with this woman, Angela, when it ended it broke me and I was hurt pretty bad when she left. I became lonely and depressed again. Also I made the mother of my son (Shelly) prove with blood tests that my son was mine. This really pissed her off. Shelly made it her mission in life to hurt me over good.
Shortly after my 2nd wife left me I became willing to do anything to get better. I met my 2nd sponsor Don C. he is a Christian and he was the most happy man I had ever met. I wanted that. So I asked him to take me through the steps.While I was up there I met a very attractive slut at the diner I ate at every night. This woman was in my opinion the definition of a nymphomaniac. She was a lot of fun, but not exactly the marring kind if you know what I mean. The other woman that I had knocked up paid me an unexpected visit one night up in pueblo, while I was having fun with this new girl I met at the diner. I was caught, and my pregnant girl friend that I really did not like at all, was devastated. I did feel bad for her but I wanted that relationship to be over. So I stopped seeing the pregnant one and kept on seeing the tramp from pueblo. This woman in pueblo was just as nutty as I was but she could not be happy with just one man and I knew it, so after a few months with this nut, I ended that relationship as well and moved back to Denver. The job I had in pueblo was finished.
I got a job in Denver and got my own place. I was sober almost 2 years now and my son Scott was about to be born. I had no girl friend at this time, and I was trolling AA meetings for women… I wasn’t having much luck though, and I was starting to get lonely and depressed. There was a little diner near my place that I moved into in Wheat Ridge, I ate there often.
One Saturday morning I was their having breakfast when I noticed a pretty young woman across the room. She was smiling at me. Then I prayed to the wrong god and I asked if he would send that pretty little thing over to me with her name and phone #. I couldn’t believe it, in a few minutes she came over to me; her name was Angela she gave me her phone #. I called her later that day and made a date for that night. Angela was very attractive and built very well. We went to a movie that night and she wanted to come over to my place and talk later that evening. Well, there wasn’t much talking going on back at my place, if you know what I mean. And 2 days later she moved in with me. My son Scott was born. I was really hoping he wasn’t mine. Angela and I were married one month later. She was gone two months after that.
This insane relationship I had with this woman, Angela, when it ended it broke me and I was hurt pretty bad when she left. I became lonely and depressed again. Also I made the mother of my son (Shelly) prove with blood tests that my son was mine. This really pissed her off. Shelly made it her mission in life to hurt me over good.
I was two years sober and more insane than I was when I came in to the program. Today I know that I was suffering from untreated alcoholism. It is now my mission to help people who find a way to stay sober but get sicker from alcoholism, while not drinking. This condition I’m speaking of is called untreated dry alcoholism. I believe with all my heart that this condition is 100% fatal; I’ll go into this condition in depth later. I still have more insanity to discuss.
I think I was a little over 2 years sober when I started to hate my chosen profession as a HVAC Sheet Metal Construction Worker, but I liked the money, so I kept on keeping on. Don C. and I were working steps, going to meetings, going to church and having bible studies. I was still lonely and depressed but I was working on a plan to finally get what I wanted, a wife.
Somehow I managed to stay away from women for I think about one year. I worked the steps, went to meetings, talked to my sponsor, and tried to help others, just like the book of AA tells us to do. I started to get better. My son Scott was starting to grow up, and his mother and I were not speaking to each other. When my son Scott was about 9 months old, it was time for the blood test to prove paternity. Yup, he is mine. I was becoming what seemed like to everyone in my family, a good Christian man. And I decided to do the right thing as far as my son was concerned. I started to ask Scott’s mother if I could see my son. She would have none of that. So the court battle began. What I believe this woman wanted from me, was all the money she could get, and for me and to never have the right to see my son. This was unacceptable to me. My battle with this woman over visitation lasted a very long time and became very ugly and extremely expensive.
I’m coming up on 3 years sober and I’m attending church often, it’s a large church and I love the results of working the steps and making use of what is offered there at the church. I’m okay with who I am now, and I’m starting to be at peace. Best of all, I’m single and okay with that. I have a new relationship with my higher power and I’m starting to love life.
Then one Wednesday night at church I saw the most beautiful woman in the world. She was looking at me and we smiled at each other. Man her beauty really took hold of me. I didn’t talk to her right away; I just hope I would see her again. About 1 week later I did see her again in church. She was sitting right behind me. My heart started to do flip—flops and I was hoping I would have the guts to talk to her after church that Wednesday night. I did talk to her, her name is Sheri.
I think it was a week later when I asked this beautiful woman out for a cup of coffee. I could tell she was something wonderful and I wanted to get to know her. Sheri did not have a problem with booze or drugs, and she didn’t have a problem with my alcoholism. She had no kids nor was she carrying any terrible relationship baggage. I thought she was perfect, and I fell in love with her. After a couple of months I asked Sheri to marry me. You see, this woman and I had started to share the same values as far as sex went. We wanted to wait until after we were married to have sex. This is the Christian way.
My battle with Shelly my son’s mother was still going on, but I knew I would eventually get to see my son Scott. However at one of my court hearings, I got nailed pretty hard with an almost $700.00 a month CS payment. Wow, I was shocked. Now I had to tell Sheri. I was afraid that when she found out about this, Sheri would end the relationship. She did not. However I later found out in our marriage that she was not honest with me the day she found out that I was going to have to pay $700.00 a month in CS. I’ll go into that a little later.
Sheri and I made our plans to get married. No sex tends to cause fast marriages... So before we knew each other one year we were married. God had started to bless me with what I wanted out of life. As my life started with Sheri, I started to notice that she did not approve of me attending AA meetings, so I stopped attending meetings, but I kept on going to church. AA has no monopoly on God right. I did however keep in touch with Don C. my sponsor. But eventually I did stop calling him.
My battle with Shelly my son’s mother was still going on, but I knew I would eventually get to see my son Scott. However at one of my court hearings, I got nailed pretty hard with an almost $700.00 a month CS payment. Wow, I was shocked. Now I had to tell Sheri. I was afraid that when she found out about this, Sheri would end the relationship. She did not. However I later found out in our marriage that she was not honest with me the day she found out that I was going to have to pay $700.00 a month in CS. I’ll go into that a little later.
Sheri and I made our plans to get married. No sex tends to cause fast marriages... So before we knew each other one year we were married. God had started to bless me with what I wanted out of life. As my life started with Sheri, I started to notice that she did not approve of me attending AA meetings, so I stopped attending meetings, but I kept on going to church. AA has no monopoly on God right. I did however keep in touch with Don C. my sponsor. But eventually I did stop calling him.
It wasn’t long after we were married when I came home one night and Sheri told me we were pregnant. I was very happy to hear that I was going to have a child with the woman I loved.
Sheri and I never really talked about our past; in fact she does not know most of what I’m telling you now. I never wanted to know about her X boyfriends and how many men she has had sex with, so we never talked about that stuff. I started living life as though none of the insanity I had been through had ever happened. I was starting to dislike my chosen profession but I did what I had to do to provide the best lifestyle I could for her. Although, I was starting to wish I could find some other kind of work. God was in charge of my life, and I was more than willing to go along for the ride. I had stopped going to meetings but I very much enjoyed my church. I had really taken hold of the bible and my prayer life was fantastic. I was doing everything right and having a great time.
Sheri is a PK (Preachers Kid); she had never been drunk, arrested, been in a fight, got a DUI or ever done any of the insane things that I had gone through. She is a good woman. A little high maintenance, but at the time I was willing to do anything for her. Her father was a pastor of a real small church full of very old people. There were no people our age there, I always thought that her father’s church was a dead church. I never told Sheri that. She loved her father and I would never say anything derogatory about him or his church. Her father wanted us to attend his church, so we did. I never liked going there. The church I met Sheri at, was a mega church. I think back then that church had a congregation of about 5000 people. Sheri’s father’s church had about 20 people. My spiritual life began to disappear. It’s not Sheri’s fault I started to backslide nor is it her father’s fault. I was the one that had stopped preying, calling my sponsor, going to church, going to meetings, helping others or doing anything else I needed to do to keep in fit spiritual condition. I was about 4 years sober and the insanity was starting to come back.
Sheri and I never really talked about our past; in fact she does not know most of what I’m telling you now. I never wanted to know about her X boyfriends and how many men she has had sex with, so we never talked about that stuff. I started living life as though none of the insanity I had been through had ever happened. I was starting to dislike my chosen profession but I did what I had to do to provide the best lifestyle I could for her. Although, I was starting to wish I could find some other kind of work. God was in charge of my life, and I was more than willing to go along for the ride. I had stopped going to meetings but I very much enjoyed my church. I had really taken hold of the bible and my prayer life was fantastic. I was doing everything right and having a great time.
Sheri is a PK (Preachers Kid); she had never been drunk, arrested, been in a fight, got a DUI or ever done any of the insane things that I had gone through. She is a good woman. A little high maintenance, but at the time I was willing to do anything for her. Her father was a pastor of a real small church full of very old people. There were no people our age there, I always thought that her father’s church was a dead church. I never told Sheri that. She loved her father and I would never say anything derogatory about him or his church. Her father wanted us to attend his church, so we did. I never liked going there. The church I met Sheri at, was a mega church. I think back then that church had a congregation of about 5000 people. Sheri’s father’s church had about 20 people. My spiritual life began to disappear. It’s not Sheri’s fault I started to backslide nor is it her father’s fault. I was the one that had stopped preying, calling my sponsor, going to church, going to meetings, helping others or doing anything else I needed to do to keep in fit spiritual condition. I was about 4 years sober and the insanity was starting to come back.
I was really starting to despise my work, and I was falling in to depression. I wasn’t very happy and my worst character defect laziness was taking hold of me. Sure I went to work every day and I did what I had to do to provide for my family but I was becoming a dry drunk. I went along like that for about 2 years no spiritual life and not drinking, until the day came that I drank again.
This was in 1995; we were at her moms wedding party. I had a couple of glasses of wine. Then I noticed no craving. I was able to have a couple of drinks and not get out of control. I thought either I was not an alcoholic or God had healed me. So I started to drink moderately. This lasted a couple of months, so I was convinced I made too big a deal about my drinking. Plus I didn’t go back to the drugs; drugs never became a part of my life back then.
Now here is where I didn’t get it. I had heard it said in meetings many—many times that when an alcoholic goes back to drinking they pick up where they left off. This was not the case for me. I didn’t go back to the bars. I wasn’t getting my ass kicked all the time. I didn’t go back to the drugs; I was just having a couple beers after work. I was I thought drinking like a normal drinker. This moderate drinking didn’t last very long; soon I was starting to get drunk every night. Sheri was miserable and scared. I did not know the insanity part of alcoholism is the disease, the drinking is just the symptom, sure I heard that many—many times but I just didn’t get it. I thought that since I wasn’t doing the things I was doing a few years back that I must not have been an alcoholic or I had been healed.
Then I decided to start my own heating and air conditioning business this was my first attempt to change my career. I hooked up with my best friend Steve and we started a business selling air conditioning system to homeowners. We started of real good, and I thought I was on my way to riches. Then came the fall; the air conditioning business comes to a screeching halt around here in the fall. It’s like someone turns off a switch about August 20th or so. Steve and I didn’t make enough money to start up a heating side of the company, so after our first season of air conditioning we went back to our regular jobs. I was very depressed that I seemed to have failed. Steve and I drank a lot together that summer, and Sheri was very disappointed in me, I felt like a loser.
My drinking became worse as time went on, and it seemed that I was depressed all the time, but I kept on keeping on with my life as a HVAC construction worker. Soon that winter was over. Steve and I decided to try another summer on our own doing the air conditioning thing again; my drinking was pretty bad by now. Like I said I never went back to the bars or got back into drugs, but I was drunk every night. Steve and I tried again to make a go of it selling air conditioning. Another summer went by and another failure, the same result as the year before.
Only this time Steve and I had had some bad falling outs and Steve didn’t like me very much after that summer. I was a jerk to him that summer, I had ruined a very special friendship, I still to this day am very upset with myself for the way I treated Steve that summer. And again I had to take another HVAC construction job. I was really depressed about that. I did not want to do that kind of work any longer, but I was trapped in that field because we needed me to make lots of money in order to have the lifestyle that we had. So I kept on keeping on doing something I hated to do…
I had charged up a lot of credit cards back then during the summer of 1997. Sheri and I could not pay all the bills. We had to file for bankruptcy. I was working my trade and getting drunk every night and hating every minute of it. Sheri was very unhappy and my marriage was about to be over. We had been married 7 years, and our son Nick was 6 years old.
Then I came home one day from work back in 1999, and I found Sheri in the basement crying. She told me she couldn’t take it anymore and that she wanted out of the marriage. She also told me something that I have had a hard time living with ever since. She told me that the day I told her about the $700.00 CS payment Scott’s mother was awarded in court before Sheri and I got married, made her want to end our relationship, but she didn’t want to hurt me, so she went ahead with our plans to get married.
She wanted to end our marriage, but at that time I was not going to let that happen to us. I knew exactly what to do. That night I took off for an AA meeting, I got a hold of Don C. and I told him everything. I jumped back into the program full speed. Don and I started to work the steps, about a week later I went to Sheri crying begging for forgiveness and promising to change, and make her life what she deserved. I promised I would get sober, lose weight, buy her a house, I promised her I would stop being a rude ass hole when we went out for dinner. And I made a few other promises that I don’t remember right now.
I was back at meetings, Sheri didn’t mind me going to meetings, now that she had lived with a drunk, and we started to attend church again. I was working steps and I got better. I made good on all the promises I made to her. I found a way to buy her a house, I lost weight, and I took her out and did not embarrass her. I muscled up at the gym; I got a good job making lots of money working as a HVAC construction supervisor.
Life was good again for us. I found myself having everything I ever wanted, beautiful wife, wonderful son, nice house, nice cars, nice furniture, and best of all a good solid relationship with my God, I had it all, I was successful. I’ve heard it said in AA meetings that the only thing an alcoholic hates more than failure is success. I rode that pink cloud for a good two years; these were the best years of my life. I still hated my work as a HVAC construction supervisor, but it wasn’t as bad as it was about to get.
Just like always, I stopped going to church, stopped calling my sponsor, stopped going to meetings, stopped reading my bible and started to become miserably depressed. But there was hope; one thing I had always dreamed about was working with my brother ever since he became a mechanical engineer. My brother let me know he was going to buy a HVAC business from a man who was looking to retire. I knew he would hire me and let me help him run things. That did happen. After a couple of years of me being dry and insane, I became a terrible burden to my brother. He was struggling to keep the business alive. I was a terrible employee for him. I should have quit putting him out of his misery, but I was selfish and I hung around. My brother would not fire me like he should have because he loves me. I don’t know why some people love me when I’m such a ass hole but he did and I guess I’m extremely fortunate to have the family that I do have. They have bailed this stupid, insane ass hole alcoholic out, many —many times.
I started to see the writing on the wall for my brothers business; I just knew he wasn’t going to make it. This was about a year before it happened. And all of a sudden I was struck with the worst depression I had ever experienced. I hated my life as a HVAC construction worker. I loved my wife and son very much. I was starting to see what was coming down the pike. I had lost all faith, and I just knew I was going to lose everything. I became suicidal; I started to not be able to sleep. I was whining to Sheri everyday about how much I hated my job as a HVAC construction worker, and how much I hated not being able to sleep, and I was wearing her down.
I don’t want to underscore how seriously sick I was. I actually was going to work in my brother’s sheet metal shop everyday with a death wish. I was starting to string up a noose, when I was the only one there, which was the case most of the time back then. I was setting up a ladder and putting the rope around my neck, trying to get the courage to kick the ladder out from under me. This bout with untreated alcoholism and the depression that comes with that condition was horrifying, and very serious. This behavior went on and on for a very long time.
Sheri did everything she could think of to get me to the doctor to get some help, but I knew that a doctor could not fix the fact that I hated my life as a HVAC construction worker and that was, I believed, my only problem, that I was trapped in a profession that was unbearable for me. So unbearable in fact that I wanted to end my life over it. This is in my humble opinion insane.
This was in 1995; we were at her moms wedding party. I had a couple of glasses of wine. Then I noticed no craving. I was able to have a couple of drinks and not get out of control. I thought either I was not an alcoholic or God had healed me. So I started to drink moderately. This lasted a couple of months, so I was convinced I made too big a deal about my drinking. Plus I didn’t go back to the drugs; drugs never became a part of my life back then.
Now here is where I didn’t get it. I had heard it said in meetings many—many times that when an alcoholic goes back to drinking they pick up where they left off. This was not the case for me. I didn’t go back to the bars. I wasn’t getting my ass kicked all the time. I didn’t go back to the drugs; I was just having a couple beers after work. I was I thought drinking like a normal drinker. This moderate drinking didn’t last very long; soon I was starting to get drunk every night. Sheri was miserable and scared. I did not know the insanity part of alcoholism is the disease, the drinking is just the symptom, sure I heard that many—many times but I just didn’t get it. I thought that since I wasn’t doing the things I was doing a few years back that I must not have been an alcoholic or I had been healed.
Then I decided to start my own heating and air conditioning business this was my first attempt to change my career. I hooked up with my best friend Steve and we started a business selling air conditioning system to homeowners. We started of real good, and I thought I was on my way to riches. Then came the fall; the air conditioning business comes to a screeching halt around here in the fall. It’s like someone turns off a switch about August 20th or so. Steve and I didn’t make enough money to start up a heating side of the company, so after our first season of air conditioning we went back to our regular jobs. I was very depressed that I seemed to have failed. Steve and I drank a lot together that summer, and Sheri was very disappointed in me, I felt like a loser.
My drinking became worse as time went on, and it seemed that I was depressed all the time, but I kept on keeping on with my life as a HVAC construction worker. Soon that winter was over. Steve and I decided to try another summer on our own doing the air conditioning thing again; my drinking was pretty bad by now. Like I said I never went back to the bars or got back into drugs, but I was drunk every night. Steve and I tried again to make a go of it selling air conditioning. Another summer went by and another failure, the same result as the year before.
Only this time Steve and I had had some bad falling outs and Steve didn’t like me very much after that summer. I was a jerk to him that summer, I had ruined a very special friendship, I still to this day am very upset with myself for the way I treated Steve that summer. And again I had to take another HVAC construction job. I was really depressed about that. I did not want to do that kind of work any longer, but I was trapped in that field because we needed me to make lots of money in order to have the lifestyle that we had. So I kept on keeping on doing something I hated to do…
I had charged up a lot of credit cards back then during the summer of 1997. Sheri and I could not pay all the bills. We had to file for bankruptcy. I was working my trade and getting drunk every night and hating every minute of it. Sheri was very unhappy and my marriage was about to be over. We had been married 7 years, and our son Nick was 6 years old.
Then I came home one day from work back in 1999, and I found Sheri in the basement crying. She told me she couldn’t take it anymore and that she wanted out of the marriage. She also told me something that I have had a hard time living with ever since. She told me that the day I told her about the $700.00 CS payment Scott’s mother was awarded in court before Sheri and I got married, made her want to end our relationship, but she didn’t want to hurt me, so she went ahead with our plans to get married.
She wanted to end our marriage, but at that time I was not going to let that happen to us. I knew exactly what to do. That night I took off for an AA meeting, I got a hold of Don C. and I told him everything. I jumped back into the program full speed. Don and I started to work the steps, about a week later I went to Sheri crying begging for forgiveness and promising to change, and make her life what she deserved. I promised I would get sober, lose weight, buy her a house, I promised her I would stop being a rude ass hole when we went out for dinner. And I made a few other promises that I don’t remember right now.
I was back at meetings, Sheri didn’t mind me going to meetings, now that she had lived with a drunk, and we started to attend church again. I was working steps and I got better. I made good on all the promises I made to her. I found a way to buy her a house, I lost weight, and I took her out and did not embarrass her. I muscled up at the gym; I got a good job making lots of money working as a HVAC construction supervisor.
Life was good again for us. I found myself having everything I ever wanted, beautiful wife, wonderful son, nice house, nice cars, nice furniture, and best of all a good solid relationship with my God, I had it all, I was successful. I’ve heard it said in AA meetings that the only thing an alcoholic hates more than failure is success. I rode that pink cloud for a good two years; these were the best years of my life. I still hated my work as a HVAC construction supervisor, but it wasn’t as bad as it was about to get.
Just like always, I stopped going to church, stopped calling my sponsor, stopped going to meetings, stopped reading my bible and started to become miserably depressed. But there was hope; one thing I had always dreamed about was working with my brother ever since he became a mechanical engineer. My brother let me know he was going to buy a HVAC business from a man who was looking to retire. I knew he would hire me and let me help him run things. That did happen. After a couple of years of me being dry and insane, I became a terrible burden to my brother. He was struggling to keep the business alive. I was a terrible employee for him. I should have quit putting him out of his misery, but I was selfish and I hung around. My brother would not fire me like he should have because he loves me. I don’t know why some people love me when I’m such a ass hole but he did and I guess I’m extremely fortunate to have the family that I do have. They have bailed this stupid, insane ass hole alcoholic out, many —many times.
I started to see the writing on the wall for my brothers business; I just knew he wasn’t going to make it. This was about a year before it happened. And all of a sudden I was struck with the worst depression I had ever experienced. I hated my life as a HVAC construction worker. I loved my wife and son very much. I was starting to see what was coming down the pike. I had lost all faith, and I just knew I was going to lose everything. I became suicidal; I started to not be able to sleep. I was whining to Sheri everyday about how much I hated my job as a HVAC construction worker, and how much I hated not being able to sleep, and I was wearing her down.
I don’t want to underscore how seriously sick I was. I actually was going to work in my brother’s sheet metal shop everyday with a death wish. I was starting to string up a noose, when I was the only one there, which was the case most of the time back then. I was setting up a ladder and putting the rope around my neck, trying to get the courage to kick the ladder out from under me. This bout with untreated alcoholism and the depression that comes with that condition was horrifying, and very serious. This behavior went on and on for a very long time.
Sheri did everything she could think of to get me to the doctor to get some help, but I knew that a doctor could not fix the fact that I hated my life as a HVAC construction worker and that was, I believed, my only problem, that I was trapped in a profession that was unbearable for me. So unbearable in fact that I wanted to end my life over it. This is in my humble opinion insane.
So here is what happened to me; several years ago I became unwilling to do HVAC construction work. I knew I needed to provide for my family so I carried on everyday wishing that I could find a new profession, because I simply despised the HVAC industry. I started looking online for a new career, but I was not able to find anything that would pay enough to support my family’s life style. My hatred for my job just grew stronger, but I kept on keeping on. As you know I started to experience depression over the fact that I felt trapped in my profession. The depression kept getting worse until it got so bad that I was unable to sleep at all. Then I became suicidal and I just wanted life to be over. This condition lasted for about 2 years. Sheri my wife kept demanding that I see a doctor for my depression. I did not believe that a doctor would be able to help me with my depression, so I resisted going to a doctor. Sheri got the family involved and together they convinced me I really needed to go. So I started to go to a doctor for my depression, this is when I started to think that I was bipolar and I became convinced that I needed to be on bipolar med’s.
I still needed to make a career change and I was starting to consider becoming a car sales man, a fact that I’m so embarrassed about. I really don’t like to tell people that I use to sell cars. However when I first started to sell cars I did very well; out selling every other sales man at the dealership my first month. And I was making more money selling cars than I ever made in the HVAC construction business. I was happy again I became convinced that selling cars would provide a much better lifestyle for my family.
Then I did something very stupid, I leased two new cars one for Sheri and one for me. This is probably the stupidest thing I have ever done.
I still needed to make a career change and I was starting to consider becoming a car sales man, a fact that I’m so embarrassed about. I really don’t like to tell people that I use to sell cars. However when I first started to sell cars I did very well; out selling every other sales man at the dealership my first month. And I was making more money selling cars than I ever made in the HVAC construction business. I was happy again I became convinced that selling cars would provide a much better lifestyle for my family.
Then I did something very stupid, I leased two new cars one for Sheri and one for me. This is probably the stupidest thing I have ever done.
As time went by, and selling cars became difficult, because I was starting to get a lot of grief from management over what they called brooming customers, brooming customers is letting customer’s walk of the lot without letting a manager talk to the customer before they leave. Brooming customers is a big no—no in the car business. I started to become uncomfortable taking up’s. My sales dropped like a rock, and the depression came back worse than ever.
I started to realize I might have made a very big mistake becoming a car sales man. Plus I knew I was not going to be able to pay for everything on what I was now making selling cars. This only made the depression worse. Out of desperation I quit the car business and went back to the HVAC business. I still hated that line of work, and I found myself working at a very slow pace. I knew that my new employer would not tolerate this long. Before one month had gone by, they fired me for being too slow.
At this point I was considering killing myself again. It was so bad that one night I got out of bed at 2:00 in the morning loaded up my shot gun and spent 2 hours outside on my back patio with a loaded shot gun in my mouth and my finger on the trigger. My beautiful wife and son were sleeping up stars. I told Sheri about that and she got me to a mental health facility. My depression was severe. I’m not too impressed with the help I got at that mental health facility. There really isn’t much help for us alcoholics that also suffer with mantic depressive disorder. This condition is mentioned in the big book of AA in the doctor’s opinion, it says: “There is the manic —depressive type, who is, perhaps, the least understood by his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.” They left that chapter out. I believe I may fit into this category; I was stinking thinking I’m most likely Bipolar and an untreated dry alcoholic. I at that time believed that this duel diagnosis is about one of the most terrible conditions that a person can suffer with. It was almost fatal for me…
After I got out of the hospital Sheri had gone to the dealership where I use to work and told them everything that was going on with me. The people at the dealership decided to help us, by trading us out of those two expensive new Nissans that we leased. This was very therapeutic for me, and a tremendous burden was lifted from off my shoulders. The dealership management also wanted to give me a 2nd chance as a car sales man... This was in August of 2005.
I returned to the dealership and began selling cars again, and I was feeling good again. I had also learned how to get the fresh up’s to talk to a manager before they walked off the lot. I once again thought I would be okay, I was selling as good as anyone else at the dealership. Then came the winter of 2005, the car business really slows down in Nov, Dec, and Jan. I saw that I had failed again, and the depression came back just as bad as it had ever been, I wanted life to be over, again. In Nov 2005 I made all of about $60.00 and in Dec 2005 I made a whopping $40.00... There were no presents under the tree for our son Nick. On Christmas Eve 2005 Sheri had had enough and she asked me for a divorce.
I was devastated; I had not been able to sleep in months. I was sure that life would be over soon. I let Sheri take everything we had. I didn’t care about anything; I did want to get some sleep so I went to my Dr to see if he would give me some strong sleeping medicine to help me sleep. I was planning to use the sleeping pills to end my life. My Dr. Saw how depressed I was, so he was not willing to give me any strong sleeping medicine out of fear that I would try and hurt myself. This was in Feb, of 2006. I had been sober for almost 7 years at this point.
So the thought accrued to me that some Jack Daniels whisky would help me get some sleep. I went to the liquor store and bought a quart. My plan was to take 3 shots and go to sleep. So that is what I did. I took 3 shots and lay down to go to sleep. I laid there for a while and I was not able to go to sleep, so I took 3 more shots, still no sleep. 3 more and on and on I went. I drank myself into a black out. I did things I do not remember doing. The morning after I noticed my head was now completely bald, there was an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on my nightstand, there was an empty 6 pack of beer in the trash, and there was a full 6 pack of beer in the fridge. I found myself a completely broken man; everything I had was gone. I was all alone and I wanted life to be over.
So there I was all alone in a nice empty house with nothing to do but lay in bed, no TV, no computer, no furniture except the day bed and a nice leather recliner that Sheri left me with. I thought I would be dead soon…
Lucky for me my family intervened, my brother wanted me to move in to his home. My mom had decided to get me to a better doctor. This was very therapeutic for me when I first moved in to my brother’s home. I was starting to feel better. I still did not know what I wanted to do when I grew up, but I was willing to try just about anything. It wasn’t long and I had managed to get a job at Qwest. I was excited to get the job with Qwest, the pay wasn’t that good but the benefits were fantastic. They told me when I got the job at Qwest that the job was very complicated and not for everybody. I was sure that I would be able to do the job well. Also at this time I had ran into the woman that was my girl friend when I was 15 years old. Her name is Wendy and we started to see each other. Wendy was my first love. She broke my heart at 15 years old. Wendy did it again to me when I was 45. Wendy Sucks.
Anyway, the job I had at Qwest was proving to be very difficult. The computer system I had to use to do my job was very cumbersome, daunting and complicated, and the phone systems for business these days are also very confusing and complicated. It was my job to understand the phone systems of the customers that were calling in. Plus the phone system I worked with at my desk was terrible. I also had a $22,000.00 per month sales quota I had to meet in order to keep my job at Qwest. On top of all the difficult and complicated things I had to deal with at Qwest, I think the worst part of the job is this, 99% of the calls I got at Qwest as a Customer Service Rep. fell into two categories; the customers were calling in angry because there phone’s weren’t working; or they were calling in confused because of something to do with their bill. I was not able to sell anything under those circumstances, so I got fired from Qwest because I was unable to meet the $22,000.00 sales quota.
I found myself very depressed and unemployed again. Not knowing what else to do, I went to a HVAC contracting company and I took another job in the HVAC industry. The depression was back, and again I wanted to die. I was not able to perform at a pace that was acceptable to my new employer. I spent my days cursing the day I was born hating the fact that I was back in an industry I despised. I kept thinking that if I would have been able to love the HVAC industry, I would not have lost my family and everything else I had. I was completely miserable and very depressed. After about 2 ½ months I was fired again for being too slow. This happened in Jan 2007. I found myself unemployed and suicidal, again. To make things worse my brother wants me to move out of his home. I no longer have any insurance to pay for the $800.00 a month in bipolar med’s that I ‘m prescribed for happiness and sleep. I’m in worse shape now than I was when I first moved into my brother’s home. My brother and his bitchy wife are at their whit’s end about what to do with me. They have still not yet kicked me out on the street.
My luck has changed recently. I got lucky and found a good job that pays pretty well. I feel good about the job that I was lucky enough to get. It is interesting how I managed to get this job. I had been looking online for a new job not knowing what the hell I was looking for. I was avoiding the HVAC category and looking at everything I could think of. I must have sent my resume out to well over 1000 companies. I was not getting any responses from any of them. So as you may have guessed I had become very depressed, again. Then one day in Feb 2007 the thought accrued to me that maybe I could find something related to the HVAC industry but not working in the field. As I was looking for jobs categorized as HVAC I found one listed from a company called “The Warranty Group.” They were looking for people with a HVAC background to be able to negotiate terms with the contractors that provide services to Home Warranty customers. Another part of my job is taking claim calls from homeowners that are having mechanical failures in their homes. When this happens I document everything about the breakdown and send a contractor to the home to repair or replace the equipment / appliance. The computer system is very easy compared to what I had to work with at Qwest, plus I have not yet had to deal with an angry customer. There is no sales quota to meet and I’m able to do this job perfectly. Please pray for me that this is a job that I will be able to live with.
As I write everything I’ve been through, I’m asking myself where God is in all this. I know I have made some terrible mistakes in all this, and I also believe God still loves me in spite of me and all my character defects. Yes, I do want to live with God’s blessings on my life, but I can tell I’m not willing to do anything to keep everything together. Like work HVAC construction work. I’m stubborn, and I have put my foot down, I have said, “I will never go back to working construction ever again.” I mean if I’m going to spend my days with a death wish because I’m unhappy with my job: I need to find a new job right. But for me everything I have been through is the result of living my life ran on self will. It has been proven to me that the big book of alcoholics anonymous is absolutely correct. “Any life ran on self will can hardly be a success.” To me it’s obvious that God wants us all to be happy, joyous, free, blessed, highly favored and empowered to prosper. I may be wrong, but I think God’s will for us all is to enjoy this life and give him praise for all he has given us.
I started to realize I might have made a very big mistake becoming a car sales man. Plus I knew I was not going to be able to pay for everything on what I was now making selling cars. This only made the depression worse. Out of desperation I quit the car business and went back to the HVAC business. I still hated that line of work, and I found myself working at a very slow pace. I knew that my new employer would not tolerate this long. Before one month had gone by, they fired me for being too slow.
At this point I was considering killing myself again. It was so bad that one night I got out of bed at 2:00 in the morning loaded up my shot gun and spent 2 hours outside on my back patio with a loaded shot gun in my mouth and my finger on the trigger. My beautiful wife and son were sleeping up stars. I told Sheri about that and she got me to a mental health facility. My depression was severe. I’m not too impressed with the help I got at that mental health facility. There really isn’t much help for us alcoholics that also suffer with mantic depressive disorder. This condition is mentioned in the big book of AA in the doctor’s opinion, it says: “There is the manic —depressive type, who is, perhaps, the least understood by his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.” They left that chapter out. I believe I may fit into this category; I was stinking thinking I’m most likely Bipolar and an untreated dry alcoholic. I at that time believed that this duel diagnosis is about one of the most terrible conditions that a person can suffer with. It was almost fatal for me…
After I got out of the hospital Sheri had gone to the dealership where I use to work and told them everything that was going on with me. The people at the dealership decided to help us, by trading us out of those two expensive new Nissans that we leased. This was very therapeutic for me, and a tremendous burden was lifted from off my shoulders. The dealership management also wanted to give me a 2nd chance as a car sales man... This was in August of 2005.
I returned to the dealership and began selling cars again, and I was feeling good again. I had also learned how to get the fresh up’s to talk to a manager before they walked off the lot. I once again thought I would be okay, I was selling as good as anyone else at the dealership. Then came the winter of 2005, the car business really slows down in Nov, Dec, and Jan. I saw that I had failed again, and the depression came back just as bad as it had ever been, I wanted life to be over, again. In Nov 2005 I made all of about $60.00 and in Dec 2005 I made a whopping $40.00... There were no presents under the tree for our son Nick. On Christmas Eve 2005 Sheri had had enough and she asked me for a divorce.
I was devastated; I had not been able to sleep in months. I was sure that life would be over soon. I let Sheri take everything we had. I didn’t care about anything; I did want to get some sleep so I went to my Dr to see if he would give me some strong sleeping medicine to help me sleep. I was planning to use the sleeping pills to end my life. My Dr. Saw how depressed I was, so he was not willing to give me any strong sleeping medicine out of fear that I would try and hurt myself. This was in Feb, of 2006. I had been sober for almost 7 years at this point.
So the thought accrued to me that some Jack Daniels whisky would help me get some sleep. I went to the liquor store and bought a quart. My plan was to take 3 shots and go to sleep. So that is what I did. I took 3 shots and lay down to go to sleep. I laid there for a while and I was not able to go to sleep, so I took 3 more shots, still no sleep. 3 more and on and on I went. I drank myself into a black out. I did things I do not remember doing. The morning after I noticed my head was now completely bald, there was an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on my nightstand, there was an empty 6 pack of beer in the trash, and there was a full 6 pack of beer in the fridge. I found myself a completely broken man; everything I had was gone. I was all alone and I wanted life to be over.
So there I was all alone in a nice empty house with nothing to do but lay in bed, no TV, no computer, no furniture except the day bed and a nice leather recliner that Sheri left me with. I thought I would be dead soon…
Lucky for me my family intervened, my brother wanted me to move in to his home. My mom had decided to get me to a better doctor. This was very therapeutic for me when I first moved in to my brother’s home. I was starting to feel better. I still did not know what I wanted to do when I grew up, but I was willing to try just about anything. It wasn’t long and I had managed to get a job at Qwest. I was excited to get the job with Qwest, the pay wasn’t that good but the benefits were fantastic. They told me when I got the job at Qwest that the job was very complicated and not for everybody. I was sure that I would be able to do the job well. Also at this time I had ran into the woman that was my girl friend when I was 15 years old. Her name is Wendy and we started to see each other. Wendy was my first love. She broke my heart at 15 years old. Wendy did it again to me when I was 45. Wendy Sucks.
Anyway, the job I had at Qwest was proving to be very difficult. The computer system I had to use to do my job was very cumbersome, daunting and complicated, and the phone systems for business these days are also very confusing and complicated. It was my job to understand the phone systems of the customers that were calling in. Plus the phone system I worked with at my desk was terrible. I also had a $22,000.00 per month sales quota I had to meet in order to keep my job at Qwest. On top of all the difficult and complicated things I had to deal with at Qwest, I think the worst part of the job is this, 99% of the calls I got at Qwest as a Customer Service Rep. fell into two categories; the customers were calling in angry because there phone’s weren’t working; or they were calling in confused because of something to do with their bill. I was not able to sell anything under those circumstances, so I got fired from Qwest because I was unable to meet the $22,000.00 sales quota.
I found myself very depressed and unemployed again. Not knowing what else to do, I went to a HVAC contracting company and I took another job in the HVAC industry. The depression was back, and again I wanted to die. I was not able to perform at a pace that was acceptable to my new employer. I spent my days cursing the day I was born hating the fact that I was back in an industry I despised. I kept thinking that if I would have been able to love the HVAC industry, I would not have lost my family and everything else I had. I was completely miserable and very depressed. After about 2 ½ months I was fired again for being too slow. This happened in Jan 2007. I found myself unemployed and suicidal, again. To make things worse my brother wants me to move out of his home. I no longer have any insurance to pay for the $800.00 a month in bipolar med’s that I ‘m prescribed for happiness and sleep. I’m in worse shape now than I was when I first moved into my brother’s home. My brother and his bitchy wife are at their whit’s end about what to do with me. They have still not yet kicked me out on the street.
My luck has changed recently. I got lucky and found a good job that pays pretty well. I feel good about the job that I was lucky enough to get. It is interesting how I managed to get this job. I had been looking online for a new job not knowing what the hell I was looking for. I was avoiding the HVAC category and looking at everything I could think of. I must have sent my resume out to well over 1000 companies. I was not getting any responses from any of them. So as you may have guessed I had become very depressed, again. Then one day in Feb 2007 the thought accrued to me that maybe I could find something related to the HVAC industry but not working in the field. As I was looking for jobs categorized as HVAC I found one listed from a company called “The Warranty Group.” They were looking for people with a HVAC background to be able to negotiate terms with the contractors that provide services to Home Warranty customers. Another part of my job is taking claim calls from homeowners that are having mechanical failures in their homes. When this happens I document everything about the breakdown and send a contractor to the home to repair or replace the equipment / appliance. The computer system is very easy compared to what I had to work with at Qwest, plus I have not yet had to deal with an angry customer. There is no sales quota to meet and I’m able to do this job perfectly. Please pray for me that this is a job that I will be able to live with.
As I write everything I’ve been through, I’m asking myself where God is in all this. I know I have made some terrible mistakes in all this, and I also believe God still loves me in spite of me and all my character defects. Yes, I do want to live with God’s blessings on my life, but I can tell I’m not willing to do anything to keep everything together. Like work HVAC construction work. I’m stubborn, and I have put my foot down, I have said, “I will never go back to working construction ever again.” I mean if I’m going to spend my days with a death wish because I’m unhappy with my job: I need to find a new job right. But for me everything I have been through is the result of living my life ran on self will. It has been proven to me that the big book of alcoholics anonymous is absolutely correct. “Any life ran on self will can hardly be a success.” To me it’s obvious that God wants us all to be happy, joyous, free, blessed, highly favored and empowered to prosper. I may be wrong, but I think God’s will for us all is to enjoy this life and give him praise for all he has given us.
This entire chapter was a letter that I sent to my uncle Jim who is in prison somewhere in North Carolina. After I wrote this thing I felt a lot better and I went on a mission to figure out what in the hell is wrong with me and how in the hell do I get better. This is when I prayed this. “God, I came to you for help many times. How come I got no help?” I got an answer to that prayer in the form of a wee small voice in my head that said to me this: “Martin I’m sorry I didn’t have anyone.”
CHAPTER 10
The cure
STOP THE MADNESS
The problem is madness the solution is happiness. Work the steps everyday for the rest of your life to get there or forgive everybody yourself first!
October 16th 2010—A letter to my Uncle Jim
Dear Uncle Jim:
Where do I start here, hmmmmmm – OH, I know let me just through this out there: What the hell R U trying to do here, comparing my AWESOME novel with rags like “The Count of Monte Cristo,” “Don Quixote,” and “War and Peace.” My book is going to do more good for mankind than all three of those FICTIONAL catastrophes put together! Mine is FACTUAL!!!
Jim, I was in Raleigh NC. For about 3 months… I wrote to U on day 2 of my being there. I was using the Wellington street shelter as my address… I showed up their everyday until the day I left almost 3 months after I got there and asked the shelter workers to check mail for me. I’m sorry. I assumed U was ignoring me, like the rest of my fucked up family.
Jim what I went through was intense, insane, UN—fricken believable, and totally AWESOME too. I did the best I could to find the blessing in what has happened to me, I don’t think I deserved that much bad to come at me because of the way I lived my life. I don’t think I was a person with lots of bad karma owed to me because of bad living… Is that what U think about me? If U were God would U be mad at me, and punish me??? If so Uncle Jim, please tell me what sin I need to repent of. Please tell me and I will repent…
I also want to thank U for reading my book; I worked hard writing that thing… Sure I would be happier if U had enjoyed my work, but U did not… That sucks, but oh well, I hope it at least made U think. It is the best I’m going to be able do, I may reprint it with the rest of what I now have finished, because I needed to tie up some of the loose ends in it. Writing “Suicide by Politician” did not serve me well, nothing like I had hoped for anyway. In fact trying to tell that story is extremely difficult to do without getting a very negative reaction from almost everybody that I tell it to. I think it’s the best and the hardest story to tell ever told.
Please Uncle Jim, whatever you’re criticism of my work is, good or bad, would U please be more specific. I have no instruction from U what so ever concerning how I could improve my writing skills. What part of my incomplete thoughts was U unable to draw the obvious conclusion? My work is designed by me to cause U to think and figure it out (the way I want U to), all by yourself.
Jim I want to tell U and anybody that is willing to listen to me, that I love my AWESOME Creator GOD in Heaven with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I’ve been hurt, losing my beautiful wife and son, my family and everything else I had in this world was devastating to me: Though I do understand that U R in a much uglier situation than I was. My heart goes out to U Uncle Jim. I don’t want to through U away like I was thrown away. I want to be a blessing to U. I know U doesn’t have much in this world right now, so I’m sending U some commissary cash with this letter… I know envelope’s, stamps, paper, pencils and smokes are valuable items for U. They cost money. I’m sure U would be able to use some. Consider it a peace offering, I’m hoping it will help soften you’re heart a little, and maybe U could help me with that powerful peanut between your ears to figure out just how to tell this story in a way that would be marketable.
Jim you are not my or anybody else’s judge. U R a sinner just like the rest of us… U R in my opinion wrongfully incarcerated; I may be wrong about that, but I don’t think so, and I am the only one in the family that believes U should not be there…
The Gay sex happens in prison, is probably the smallest point I was trying to make with that book. The reason I will never go to prison is because I know I am the type of person that would be ganged up on and raped in a hell whole like the place U live. Nothing U can say is going to change my mind about that. Men get abused in prison, the system is designed like that to detour men from breaking laws that land men in places like that… So I think U should just stop saying things like gay sex does not happen in prison because I’m pretty GD sure it happens every day.
I cleared up several of my incomplete of thoughts as I continued to write “Suicide by Politician.” The rest my story goes like this:
CHAPTER 11
A Hobo’s guide to living well.
I am a writer. In fact, if I had been smart enough to listen to a High School teacher who pleaded with me to be a writer; I never would have wound up a Hobo… But, since I didn’t listen, it happened to me at 46 years old. My biggest fear in life had always been to wind up homeless and broke, surviving on the street. I Thank GOD ALMIGHTY my personal AWESOME GOD for his Good – Orderly – Direction… Since I have faced and walked through my biggest fear in life, and I was defiantly successful at it, because it was His plan all along! I can now say: I am an OVER COMER and, I would not trade my homeless and broke experience for a Harvard PHD. Not that a Harvard PHD is worthless; that is not what I am trying to say. It was never GOD’S will for me to do anything like that. My life is GOD’S it always was. I am the last dart in the quiver!
I want to say because I went through this broke as the Ten Commandments homeless, Hobo experience; I think I am now as good as I can get, perfect (I am not getting any better than this. I can’t be improved). You can’t improve or change me. I can’t change or improve me. So, I am flawed, DUH— we all are. Everybody thinks perfection is a person, place, thing or situation that is flawless; EVERYBODY IS WRONG… My definition of ‘’PERFECTION” is—someone, something or someplace which can’t be improved. So if you can’t make something better then that something is in my humble opinion—perfect!!!
My battle is no longer against flesh and blood; especially my flesh and blood. Here is why: I am just too GD tough! I can’t change me; you can’t change me, only GOD can change me! He has changed me, and I am NOW the result of his good work. I hope with all my heart that you like what you now see in me, but I am sure some people do not. After all, it is written in the good book:
Jesus said, “To be a friend to this world is to be an enemy of GOD”. And this, “Great is you’re reward in Heaven when they persecute you for my names sake. Know this, what you will see them do to me; they will do to you also”.
If I didn’t want the affections of a good woman in my life; I am now sure that I could have survived well, for the rest of my life as a homeless and broke Hobo. The only thing I wanted that I could not find as a Hobo, is the love of a good woman. HMM—come to think of it I have NEVER known the love of a good woman, EVER… I have known the love of women just not a good one. Is there any such thing as a good woman? I want to believe there is such a thing, and for my own sanity I will continue to believe there is such a thing as a good woman. But know this; King Solomon the son of King David said this in the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 7— 27 “This is my conclusion,” says the Teacher. “I discovered this after looking at the matter from every possible angle. 28 Though I have searched repeatedly, I have not found what I was looking for. Only one out of a thousand men is virtuous, but not one woman! 29 But I did find this: God created people to be virtuous, but they have each turned to follow their own downward path.”
The bible calls King Solomon the wisest man to ever live. At the end of his life he wrote the book of Ecclesiastes and in it he says he could not find one virtuous woman… This sinner had all the prettiest women in town as his wife or concubine. Shit, this guy had 300 wives and 700 concubines. Then this ass hole made eunuch out of the biggest and strongest men in town to watch over and keep his girls away from other men. A eunuch is a man that has been castrated. That way must not have worked very well, if it had worked well we would still have it that way!!!
Anyway done well homeless and broke is lots of FUN—FUN—FUN. It’s a lot better than being stuck like chuck in a profession that you despise and can’t get out of because of a lifestyle and responsibilities that require a large income. Changing professions and keeping the lifestyle the same is a real pressure, stressor, depressor, this is for sure.
GOD’S will for us all is to be happy, joyous, free, blessed, highly favored and empowered to prosper. The world’s will for me is to be grumpy, sad, enslaved, cursed, highly despised and sentenced to poverty. However achieving GOD’S perfect will has a cost; that cost is EVERYTHING!!! !!!
Jesus said, “For it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of GOD!”
Christmas Eve 2005
I told three guy’s at the Nisan dealership I was working at, that I would not trade my worst day married for my best day single! Later that evening, when I got home my beautiful wife walked in the room, looked at the Christmas tree with no presents under it for our son, and then she looked at me in disgust and said. “I want a divorce…” I was devastated! I knew she was serious and it was over between the two of us. We were one week short of our 14th wedding anniversary… I had been with this beautiful woman everyday for almost 15 years. She was my reason for living I loved her with all my heart, mind, soul and strength!!! !!! She was my higher power and I did not want to, or know how to live without her!!!
I did not deserve this; I was and still am a good man… However, a little over 18 months later I was homeless, broke and willing to go to any length to gain victory over all my shortcomings and be rid of all my character defects. I didn’t like me and I wanted to be somebody else, or dead! Because nobody liked me, nobody has ever liked me, and I was convinced, nobody was ever fricken going to like me…
Now after living, sleeping and surviving well on the street for 36 months, I know who and what I am… I am the guy you could drop off naked at the South Pole, then 7 hours later, I will show up in Bangkok with a fresh high and tight flat top hair cut, wearing a brand new tuxedo, dancing with the prettiest girl at the party. I got some MAD SKILLS, so sit back and keep reading, I want to tell you all about them, you’re gona love this…
CHAPTER 12
FEAR SUCKS
The first rule to living well as a Hobo homeless and broke is, loose the fear. Here’s why: Faith and fear do not mix, you cannot have both!!! Please trust and believe me on this one, you will do a lot better with the good and perfect help that comes from The AWESOME Creator GOD in Heaven to those who love Him. Most people say, “I will believe it when I see it” I say “I’ll believe it until I see it…”
The second rule is to make it your goal to make through every day without being rude or angry to anybody all day, especially the COP’S. I suck at this, but I tried anyway and with practice, I was able to get a lot better at it, just don’t give up, this can’t not work. Please be cognoscente of the fact that The All Mighty Creator wants everybody to be happy, joyous, free, blessed, highly favored and empowered to prosper. So don’t hurt anybody because that does not help them to be the way GOD wants them to be. Do your best to do no harm. The third rule is to make your needs and wants one and the same; don’t waste time trying to find and get things that you may want but don’t need…
Anyway, know this; if you find yourself homeless and broke, you will have lots of police contact. COP’S know if you are a Hobo you have only 3 sources of income, beg, borrow and steal. Begging is being made illegal everywhere, you will quickly run out of people to borrow from, and you will eventually be caught and jailed for stealing. Again, trust me on this one too, the COPS are watching you if you are living on their streets. You are going to need their help. Listen, when the Pandas roll up on you: Keep—It—Simple—Stupid (KISS) pucker up and start kissing… Wise up dummy, the PO – PO are the toughest guys in town. Do your best to make them you’re friends, they are people too and I think Fuzzy friends are good to have.
So what’s a person that finds them self homeless and broke as the Ten Commandments suppose to do? The answer to that question is what this book is all about. Living well as a Hobo? Jail blows, so use stealing as a last resort and only steal what you need to survive, and don’t steal from the little guy. If you must steal become principled to do as little harm as possible. Besides, if you steal something you can’t eat, trust and believe me on this one; you don’t get to keep the things you steal.
Let me make sure you know the 3 rules of surviving well as a homeless and broke Hobo:
1) – Loose the fear
2) – Be nice
3) – Want needs ONLY
Here are your 3 most important needs:
1) – Where am I going to eat?
2) – Where can I get cleaned up?
3) – Where am I going to sleep?
Believe it or not but the rest of my story is even better! So here it is:
CHAPTER 13
Spiritual Correctness
I want to tell you what my inspiration for doing this is: One day Nick, my son and I took off on our bikes to go see Grandpa Bob. Nick was 7 years old. We hadn’t been at Grandpa’s house long, when I felt a strong wind coming out of the east. I told Nick that I thought it was going to start storming on us, so we had better get home before we got stuck.
Nick and I took off back for our home. Before we got out of Grandpa’s neighborhood, the storm hit us hard. We rode our bicycles into the wind that was coming out of the east driving 1/4” hail stones hard in our faces. We rode our bikes on 128th. When we got to the bottom of the hill that goes over I-25, I told Nick this sucks but we have no choice but to get home. Nick told me he was OK and he could make it. I started up the hill. When I got to the top of the hill I stopped and looked back. Nick was still at the bottom of the hill, but he was peddling. So I waited for him. The lightning, wind, rain and hail were intense. A fast bike rider zipped past Nick. When the fast rider got to where I was, she told me Nick was not doing well and I should go back for him. Nick kept peddling, so I waited. As Nick got closer, I could see he was crying and screaming at the top of his lungs. Nick was scared, wet, cold, and miserable and determined to make it to the top of that hill. He made it. When Nick caught up with me the wind and lightning stopped, but it was still rain mixed with hail. Nick wiped the tears out of his eyes, he looked me in the eyes and said “Dad if I try my best I can do anything!” I knew he was right. So I want to tell you the same thing Nick told me: If I try my best, I too can do anything!
The Book of Job in the Bible, I think answers life’s most difficult question: How could a loving GOD allow scary, tragic, awful and terribly cruel things to happen to those who try hard to live a life worthy of receiving GOD’S best BLESSINGS? That’s what we all want; isn’t it? And living a virtuous life is how we are supposed to have it, right? If that were an absolute truth then bad things wouldn’t happen to good people; and good things wouldn’t happen for bad people… Am I right?
I mean we all believe in the Law of Reciprocity, (reaping and sowing, what comes around goes around, karma ect… ect…).
Let me dissect the Book of Job: The first thing that caught my attention is GOD having a conversation with Satan in Heaven. What’s up with that? I think GOD has a big stick, and I’m wondering why in the hell HE hasn’t slapped nasty old Beelzebub upside the head with it, yet. (I think I figured it out. I’ll explain later).
Next GOD asks the serpent if SHE has considered Job; HIS finest. Then the Accuser of men claims Job to be righteous only because of GOD’S hedge of protection. So GOD removes his hedge of safety from around Job, and allows the evil one have HER way on all Job has.
Next old Beelzebub just lets Job have it, and removes all Job has, including his children; OH man—it just doesn’t get any worse than that, now does it? However, Job passes the test and does not curse GOD to his face; like Satan said he would if all Job’s possessions were removed.
Next Job’s wife tells him to “CURSE GOD AND DIE!” HMM—that is just what the devil wants, and look who is helping HER to achieve Lucifer’s goal; Job’s own wife, (that’s a huge GD clue as to the nature or gender of Satan).
Next the devil says: “Flesh for Flesh and Bone for Bone curse his body and surely he will cures you to your face”… So, GOD allows Nimrod to take Job’s health and cause nasty boils all over Job’s body; to the point where Job is scraping Boils off his own body with a broken piece of pottery… I’ll bet it really sucked to be Job when that happened. However, Job passed that test as well; he did not curse GOD to his face. So, there’s Job homeless and broke and scraping boils off his ass, out there in the open right in front of everybody… Not very pretty now is it?
Look; because of the prevalent belief in the Law of Reciprocity, (You shall reap what you sow). Everybody alive at that time in world history was thinking and saying the same thing, “Job you are a sinner! Just get the sin out of your life and GOD will automatically bless you…”
Next, Job is visited by 3 of his friends, and they all try hard as hell to convince Job that what he is experiencing is the result of living a sinful life. They all say the same thing to Job, “GET THE SIN OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU ONCE AGAIN.” This was then and still is today awful advice, it doesn’t work, it has never worked and it will never, ever work.
In the Book of Job chapter 21; Job shows his wisdom, and he says: “Your premise is all wrong! I know lots of evil vile men, and I will have nothing at all to do with them. You know who they are; they all say why we should not worship GOD. We have everything we want and need. We need not your GOD!” Job was right then and this wisdom is still correct today. Why do the truly wicked go UN—punished?
I believe I know the answer to that magic question as well: Selling your soul to Satan, grants you immunity from the Law of reciprocity. Job will not do that and neither will I…
As the story of Job comes to an end, GOD intervenes. GOD has some magic questions for Job; Let me sum them up for you. GOD asks Job, “Where were you, when I created everything that is seen from what could not be seen?” Then Job says, “I am vile I shall speak no more.”
Next GOD compares Job to the Behemoth and the Leviathan, (Dinosaurs, in my opinion). This answers a very tough life question: How could a loving GOD allow Satan to beat the living hell out of a virtuous man like Job?”
Here’s what I think: Because God allowed Satan to kick the shit out of a good man named Job: Job is now at this time made as tough as the Behemoth and the Leviathan. WOW that is tough; and now GOD can use Job in a mighty way. I am convinced that because of the trials Job had to endure, He was left without any FEAR and full of FAITH!
Next, God puts a unique calling on Job’s life: God tells Job to dress up like a man and humble the proud, kick them low and bury them in the dust… GOD tells Job to fear not because HIS own right hand (Jesus) can save you…
Next God tells Job to pray for his friends posing as lousy counselors, because they did not represent GOD correctly as Job did. Then The All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven blesses Job with twice as much as he had before the Beast took everything from him. Job passed the test and was blessed.
Here is the wisdom in this story: Because everybody alive at the time of Job saw him homeless, broke and scraping boils off his ass, to one of the richest men ever: People, think about the principal of attraction over promotion: Don’t you think everybody alive at the time wanted what Job had. And, I’m also sure they all were curious to find out exactly how in the hell Job went from homeless and broke scraping boils off his ass; to the richest man on planet earth.
Here is the moral to the Job story: Thousands upon thousands of souls are in Heaven now; because GOD allowed Lucifer to stomp the shit out of a good man named Job.
I think there is an AWESOME Creator GOD in Heaven. However the god I heard about in every single church I ever attended is in my humble opinion mostly FICTION. Preachers are sinners just like the rest of us, and their churches have become feel good clubs full of like minded, extremely judgmental people. They wouldn’t even let my Jesus in, they would kick him out with guns and badges then give him a restraining order and a no trespassing order; especially if he turned their water into GOOD wine. They don’t have anything I want. Because of my Hobo homeless and broke experience I no longer believe in The Father, Son and Holy Spirit! I KNOW THEM!!! !!!
GOD is not mad at me, he never was. My life is GOD’S, it always was. There is a Devil, she is evil, and she always was. I make mistakes, I always do. GOD loves me, HE always has. GOD sent his Son to purchase me. His Son sent his Spirit to comfort me!
My conception of the nature and character of my AWESOME GOD has changed. I now have an understanding that is AWESOME! After I lost my wife and family, then the spooky powder thing at the company that fired me, losing my car, job and becoming a homeless and broke as the 10 commandments Hobo, and being threatened with the above mentioned catastrophes’ by a criminally insane, convicted, and condemned to die in Arkansas’ electric chair, murderer, a killer named Guy; pardoned by Bill Clinton: I had absolutely no choice but to give my targeted ass, life and soul to my AWESOME GOD!!! Well, thank GOD I did so. I think it is now obvious to all spooks and cops watching me, that The AWESOME Creator GOD in Heaven—JEHOVAH is helping me with this thing. I can’t control this. My steps are ordered by GOD. This is an AWESOME thing; to be called and chosen by the All Mighty Him Self. There is no reason for me to fear, this is HIS fight. HE will win. No demonized devil out of the pit of hell can curse what my GOD has blessed!
The Apostil Paul said this: “Work out you’re salvation with fear and trembling”
Hmm—why would The Apostil Paul tell us to be scared and trembling in our attempt to work out our salvation from a loving GOD? Maybe, the bestselling book out there right now “God and His Demons” has some scriptural merit. I think my GOD created this world and everything in it; including EVIL. That’s right; I think GOD is ultimately responsible for the EVIL in this world… GOD did it and he has the power to stop it; but he doesn’t. WHY NOT?
Magic Question Time—why would anybody want to worship a GOD that put EVIL in this world, has the power to stop it, and won’t? This is in my humble opinion life’s most difficult question! GOD also tells us to purge the evil from among U… People don’t even know what evil really is because they don’t want to know. There are books that should have been included in the Bible that was left out because people that were in the know of what was going on didn’t want to give others any ideas. It is that simple…
Jim do U know why Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy and poverty in order to become a priest? Here’s why: At the end of the crusades people were sick of the evil done in the name to GOD, by evil men. People trust there priest or pastor. The evil rulers knew that the people would blindly follow their men of GOD, because they believed them to be good and trust worthy. The men of GOD, the Priests had stuff, wives and children. The men of GOD were no match for the King’s and all the trouble a ruler could bring on a man of GOD, or any man for that matter. If the priest’s didn’t preach what the powers that be wanted them to teach; well I’m sure U gets the picture now. Hence the precept of celibacy and poverty was instilled into the Catholic hierarchy. Again, this is not common knowledge because the fewer people that knows this; the less chance of it happening again… Powers that be don’t want to give anybody any ideas!
During the time of the Crusades’ the Bible was only available in Latin. Only the priests could read, speak and understand Latin. Priests controlled by the powers that be, told the masses what the scriptures said and caused the grossest atrocities in the history of man to occur. Rulers need an ARMY to hold onto the power they love to abuse. Controlling the men of GOD by threatening to kill there wife’s and kids and take all there worldly possessions from them, is how they got the men of GOD to do exactly what they are told to do, or else! What was going on then is happening now. Only we call the puppets politicians not priests. It’s the same old game with different words, same outcome, evil men covet power and men most always abuse it.
It is now time for me to explain something to U Uncle Jim: Some of us come into this world with a strange knowledge. I was there when The All Mighty Creator spoke this universe into existence; we all were; accepting those not conserved in the womb. (That’s how man can eliminate and replace GOD, Just make all baby’s the scientific way. For them, there is no GOD… They have no soul). What is hell?” Separation from GOD” is the best definition of hell that I know.
Here is the knowledge that I came into this world with: There was a meeting in Heaven before this universe was made. We were all there: All of us with soul’s anyway. GOD wanted to deal with our selfishness. We didn’t even know what selfishness was; we need nothing in Heaven. We argued with The All Mighty, he spoke this universe into existence: Yes it was a big bang that scared the shit out of us all, and this universe was created. A day in Heaven is 1000 years here on earth. If I live to be 80 that’s 2 hours of Heavenly time… Right now with a life expectancy of just about 80 years, I have only 2 hours of heavenly time to prove to GOD that I can overcome my selfishness. GOD is separating the wheat from the chaff. The stakes are extremely high, we are talking eternity here. This life is my only opportunity to get out of myself and give to someone else in need. GOD has angles disguised as humans testing each and every single one of us. This is no joke. On Judgment day I want to hear, “well done my good and faithful servant;” I don’t want to hear, “get away from me I did not know U. U saw me naked and U did not give me clothes, U saw me hungry and U did not feed me. When U did that to them U did it to me also!” Therein lays our reason for being here, the meaning of life. Over come your selfishness and prove it to GOD in 2 hours or we are done.
GOD did not make this easy: It is written, Lucifer is GOD’s most beautiful created thing. Hmm—what is GOD’s most beautiful thing? Duh—it’s woman. Lucifer was kicked out of heaven because she wanted worship, Hmm—what is it that men are worshiping here on planet earth? Duh—women! I think she has it all figured out… When I fell in love with Sheri she became my GOD, and it took every penny I could possibly get to keep her. When I ran out of pennies, she was gone! Man cannot worship both GOD and mammon (WOMAN)! That pretty little thing we men love to fuck will see to it there are no penny’s left to help anybody, therefore failing the test.
There are multiple examples of GOD Destroying large populations of people throughout the Bible, I always wondered what specifically it was that those people were doing to make The All Mighty so MAD that he wanted to kill them all. When the Hebrew’s were about to enter the promise land; GOD told the Hebrews to kill all the inhabitants of the land, because there wickedness was great. GOD wanted them all dead; women and children included. The Hebrew’s couldn’t do it, and let some of the inhabitants of the promise land live… GOD was pissed, and he cursed Israel for not doing what GOD told them to do… GOD said: “Because U did not listen to me and do as I instructed U to do, and kill all the inhabitants of this land: They shall be a thorn in your side forever. Jim, look at the history of Israel; GOD was right they should have listened.
All religious beliefs are a fractional truth but mostly fiction, I’m talking atheism (there is no God), Christianity, (Jesus is God) ect… ect… I will say this: “You probably don’t want to know about this, but I think it’s time everybody is made aware because this changes everything.” Let me give you this clue: Half the children born in Iraq during Sodom Husain’s reign are his kids: This is not pretty; Children are naturally good at what their fathers are good at, this is predictable. Try to imagine one million people good at what Sodom Husain was good at. Not very pretty is it? Genesis Chapter 6—(Nephilim)—these were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown. The sick twisted evil fat bastards from our past saved their sperm. Some women have since before the time of Noah, been unknowingly artificially inseminated with demon seed from the worst despots of all mankind. The Bible says that God knew me when I was conceived in the womb. There is more than one way to make babies: There is the fun way and the scientific way. Which way do you think is more prevalent? And how long do you think man has known how to do this? I think this is what Hitler was doing to create a super race. We captured that technology at the end of WW II. Our scientists fell in love with this technology and got a whole lot better at it. This sucks; I don’t think God knows those not conceived in the womb.
I have read the end of the Book; things don’t look so good for that mean nasty old lady bitch Devil, Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Nimrod, Serpent, Snake ect… ect…, that descended from the line of Cane, who’s father came straight out of the pit of hell. That’s right Cane had a different father than Able his brother; who Cane killed. There are two lines of humanity the line of Cane and the line of Adam. The original sin was an adulterous affair between Eve the Serpent and Adam. Sounds kind of like a threesome, and I think Cane was the result of the original sin. This makes since to me, that’s why they covered there loins instead of their mouths, as would be the case, if eating something could possibly make the All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven MAD. Eating fruit could not now, then or ever do that…
I think the connection between man and GOD takes place at conception in the womb only. So, I think only babies made the fun way are connected to the Creator. Artificially inseminating women with demon seed; sometimes without the permission, knowledge and consent of the women is exactly what was going on in the days of Noah. This is what really makes GOD MAD! There is nothing new under the sun, history merely repeats itself. GOD sent a flood when this was going on in the days of Noah.
Jesus said, “As in the days of Noah so shall it be when the Son of man returns.”
When the nasty old accuser, the Devil—Satan starts trying to make me feel bad by putting my many mistakes from my past up in my face: I return the favor by reminding Lucifer of her future; I win in the end bitch—WAHOO!
I think it’s time for me to define Spiritual Correctness. Let me keep this very simple: Faith that Works well is what I would call Spiritual correctness. This isn’t rocket science; this is very easy to figure out. Just look at what is out there that works well. Does anybody want to go to Saudi Arabia for a vacation? HMM—is it even possible to give away a free round trip ticket to Iran? I don’t want one. Do you? OK life sucks real badly over in the Middle East and nobody wants to go there. Am I right? I think I am right. Muslims run the place and people must pay a heavy price for violating even minor Muslim law, like no drinking, or preaching “Jesus Christ is Redeemer.” No such thing as a slap on the whist for anything over there. Plus this ugly little fact about those mad Muslims: Every September 11th in the Middle East for the past 9 years, you can find a crazy party of Muslims going ape shit nuts celebrating the mass murder of thousands of innocent citizens of the once great US—of—A… I don’t want to see that, and I thank GOD they stopped showing video’s of it on the news every night. It makes me MAD… I don’t want to waste my time being MAD!!! Do you?
According to my understanding; there are two sins that will keep my soul out of Heaven, and they go hand and hand. The first sin causes the second: First is bitter UN—forgiveness. Jesus said if I won’t forgive then I won’t be forgiven. That means if I’m not forgiven, then I’m also not saved. The second sin that will keep my soul eternally separated from my Creator is; blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. HMM—nobody knows exactly what that one is. But I think it can be figured out with a few magic questions. First magic question: What is the remedy for sin? DUH—Repent. Second magic question: Is there any sin that I can’t repent of? There is only one; SUICIDE, can’t repent of that one.
My worst character defect was self loathing. God showed me this in a very cool way. I know I’m right about this one. There are a lot of haters attending churches, being blindly lead by preachers, preaching from the altered word of God that Heaven is a free gift, and all we have to do to get there is give our lives to Jesus and we are saved and headed for Heaven. Bull shit, I don’t by it. I don’t think it’s that easy. Haters don’t get in, even if the only person I hate is me. And I don’t think there is any such thing as a death bed conversion either.
Here is the biggest problem of all: People are not being taught how to forgive. There is only one book with instructions of exactly how to forgive; the Bible. This is what makes me an over comer. I got it done. And I think I did it under the most difficult circumstances possible. I will explain this later.
I think Jesus said that no one marries in heaven. HMM—could that mean we are genderless next time around? I think so.
OH those poor Muslims’, 72 virgins in exchange for a suicide mission? Again, a fractional truth, painfully, mostly fiction: I think there are virgins in heaven, but they are going to stay that way. OH shit, suicide is the only UN—forgivable sin—OOPS!
Please allow me to explain something… I think I should have told everybody this from the start; this is something that is very understandable coming from my point of view. How many GD times have you men said to yourself that boy is either the smartest or stupidest person ever created? I think I am neither the smartest nor am I the stupidest person ever created. In fact I think Redwood City is probably robbing Denver of its Idiot! Here is how simple minded I am: GOD promised me in the Book of Isaiah 54, 17No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.
This means the more weapons formed against me the more opportunities you Pandas have to catch them trying to cause me harm. I am more than completely convinced that every single cruel attempt at causing me harm will blow up in their faces. I believe I am supernaturally protected, just like Israel. No weapon formed against Israel will ever prosper either. I Believe I am called and chosen to do the thing I am now doing. So, since I believe I am chosen to do this thing then Isaiah Chapter 54, 17 is for me: Here is the best part of that verse; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD. I am either going to prove this in front of everybody or look like the biggest fool ever to walk the face of this earth trying to do so!
This means the more weapons formed against me the more opportunities you Pandas have to catch them trying to cause me harm. I am more than completely convinced that every single cruel attempt at causing me harm will blow up in their faces. I believe I am supernaturally protected, just like Israel. No weapon formed against Israel will ever prosper either. I Believe I am called and chosen to do the thing I am now doing. So, since I believe I am chosen to do this thing then Isaiah Chapter 54, 17 is for me: Here is the best part of that verse; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD. I am either going to prove this in front of everybody or look like the biggest fool ever to walk the face of this earth trying to do so!
Here’s why: This thing I am stuck in; trying to destroy Clinton’s legacy and network of pardoned thugs and recruited friends of those gangsters. Convince as many people as possible to split their vote so we always have a 50/50 margin of power in our two party system. And remove the pardon privilege from wacked out megalomaniac, despotic, panhandling, bum rushing—beggars posing as politicians; is one very lofty goal… Wouldn’t you agree? I thought so! So do I; I’m not stupid! I know this is an impossible lofty, haughty, completely unattainable goal, I can’t do it; nobody can. Only the All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven can get all this done, and only if he wants to, and only if HE is real. Here is the wisdom in all this: If this is a GOD thing and not a Martin Allen McCall thing; it will be done. Shit sometimes I think I’m trying to stop this thing with all my stupid mistakes. Here is my point: I can’t stop this, you can’t stop this, if you or I could stop this, then GOD is not in it. So please go ahead and try your best to stop this. But know this; I don’t like to be picked on and if this is GOD’S thing and HE has called and chosen me to do this; then when you rise in judgment against me. GOD is going to let me condemn you. So whatever your 100% is, bring it, and let’s test this thing. I am not scared!! !!!!!!!
I was doing some tam dinking; this is what I figured out about Ass Holes... There are only three things you need to know about Ass Holes in order to rise above them. First thing to know about Ass Holes is, they are always in charge... Second thing to know about Ass Holes is, all they do is shit; that is the only thing they do: But, just try to live life without your Ass Hole doing the only thing it does; life really sucks when that happens. Third and most important thing to know about Ass Hole is; Ass Hole is usually never stupid. Ass Hole knows a good man will make him or her look bad, so in order to make sure the Ass Hole is always in charge, since she or he is the one in charge of promotions; Ass Hole promotes only another Ass Hole out of fear for the good man. The chicken shit Ass Hole stays in charge by holding the good man down, and promoting only another Ass Hole to replace him or her. This protects Ass Hole’s legacy as well. Ass Hole is in charge. Ass Hole has always been in charge. Ass Hole sees to it that only another Ass Hole replaces him. Ass Hole is always going to be in charge. Work sucks!
CHAPTER 14
The Rest of the Story:
Now you know where I sit and where I stand, you know what I believe and a little about how I think. I hope you like this story so far.
So let’s get back to the story:
July 14th 2007
Where was I? OH, I remember, I was just about to leave Denver… I was feeling great. I had convinced myself that I was going to be getting the posted reward, for finding and turning in the person responsible for killing 5 people with weapons grade ANTHRAX: Guy the guilty Killer pardoned by Bill Clinton. I knew I was still being followed, or should I say baby sat, by federal law enforcement and Homeland Security people. None of this spooky shit scared me; I enjoyed it all. I knew I was putting on a show. I was born for a situation like this… I loved it!
It was the middle of July, 2007, hot and wild in Denver. I was completely broke just like the 10 Commandments. I was about to find out if a homeless and broke Hobo could make it from Denver to San Francisco traveling from truck stop to truck stop. The thought of, what was I going to do if I was wrong about all this, never crossed my mind.
The intensity of the evil attack on my life had me convinced I was very much in the right about what had happened to cause me all this trouble. I suspected that Guy was the person responsible for killing 5 people with ANTHRAX. I knew the Clintons would want this thing covered up because setting a Guy free from death row then having that sick prick kill people with weaponized ANTHRAX, would destroy Hillary’s chances of being elected as president in the upcoming 2008 election. Perfect, I don’t want Hillary as my president anyway.
I couldn’t see how the people that came against me could possibly successfully cover up this mess with all the good people involved in this thing, this still perplexes me. There are a lot of good men that know this story; and it doesn’t appear to me, they are doing anything about this. And so far no one has been able to convince me that I’m wrong…
I made up my mind as I left Denver in July of 2007 that I had one hell of a story to tell, and I was going to do just that to anybody that would listen to me, until they silenced me, or until I win. A cover up would not serve me well at all. Here’s why: even if I lie down, move on, get on with my life and never talk about this ever again to anyone; Clinton’s network will keep coming after me until I’m no longer a threat to their pardoned thugs and their precious legacy.
I want SAFETY, and wining this thing is the only way I believe I will ever have it. That’s why I’m still fighting with my only weapons; the way I think, my ability to write, and my big fricken mouth, that I believe is about to get a whole lot fricken bigger!
Ring—ring—ring——Ring—ring—ring
“Brian FBI.”
“Brian this is Martin McCall. How are you today sir?”
“McCall I’m going to kick your ass!”
“OH shit that’s not good, but you better bring back up. I suggest 7; I might fight back…”
“Perfect McCall, that’s 3 Crown Vic’s full of great big scary guys with guns and Badges, coming at you.”
“Hey Brian why are you mad at me. Didn’t I help you?”
“McCall this is the FBI here. We don’t need your help!”
“Brian, the day I met You, Chris and Steve: Steve Hodges asked me if I would help you. The next day when I met with you and Mr. Hodges I agreed to help you. Don’t you remember”?
“No McCall, I don’t! If Hodges over at postal wants your help then why don’t you call him…”
“Brian, I can tell you’re having a bad hair day. I’m going to let you go now. OK.”
“Good McCall, now leave us alone and never call back!”—Click…
Wow, that was a strange reaction from Brian. I wonder what the hell I did to piss him off, I thought to myself.
Now is a good time to tell you about one other FBI Special Agent, that also showed up at my room the day my world got rocked; her name is Chris. Yup you guessed it; another hottie with a body, only this one has a gun and a badge. Chris is drop dead gorgeous. If you haven’t guessed already, I just had to try my luck and start hitting on her. That’s what innocent, single, sexy and crazy guy’s do when they meet a super sexy FBI Special Agent: isn’t it?
Chris must be Brian’s girl friend. I didn’t figure this out until after Brian Schmidt told me he was going to kick my ass. That is the only thing I was doing that would make a guy threaten somebody with an ass kicking; isn’t it?
When I figure something out, I like to test my conclusions. So I sent Chris a funny little txt message:
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
“Chris, please tell Brian that I will arm—wrestle him for U”.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Time for me to; “Make a new plan Stan, get on the bus Gus”.
I wanted to start my journey at a famous truck stop called Johnson’s Corner. I checked the bus schedule and the closest I could get to Johnson’s Corner taking the bus was the town of Loveland, CO., so that is where I went. The bus dropped me off in the middle of town right in front of a little bar, and it was karaoke night. I figured AHH what the hell I might as well have a little fun before I headed out of town, and who knows I might get lucky and get a ride from a pretty girl over to Johnson’s Corner.
I was still sober then, but my favorite fun thing was and still is to go to the bar and be sober around inebriated females.
Now is a good time to teach you drinking rules # 1, # 2, and # 3.
1) – Start late
2) – Drink slow
3) – Get her drunk
This works and smart men have been doing this since the beginning of time. The last thing a woman wants is to be with a stinking drunk. So learn how to moderate. Harm Reduction is a far more attainable goal than total abstinence. Here’s why:
The Alcoholics Anonymous success rate is almost 0%. There is no such thing as total abstinence from chemical peace of mind. 25% of the people attending meetings are just plain old liars, they are drinking claiming to be sober, another 25% are taking prescription drugs for their alcoholic symptoms, 25% are on the marijuana maintenance program, and 15% are spiritually intoxicated from working the steps. The last 10% are like I was, dry drunks feeling absolutely miserable “Restless (no sleep), Irritable (Mantic) and discontent (Depressed). The truth is people stand a better chance of getting hit by lightning than making it to long term sobriety.
AA birthdays are celebrated at the beginning of every meeting. The person claiming the most time since their last drink is the most respected at every meeting. I find it all so incredibly comical. Having been around the AA program for over 20 years, I can honestly say “there isn’t a soul claiming long term sobriety that has anything I want”! So, since the success rate is so disastrously nonexistent: Why in the hell is total abstinence long term the goal? As I have tried to explain, self loathing is the root cause of the chemical imbalance which causes the uncontrollable craving in the first place. The worst I have ever been treated in AA was coming back to the rooms after relapsing. This just caused a deeper level of self loathing.
AA birthdays are celebrated at the beginning of every meeting. The person claiming the most time since their last drink is the most respected at every meeting. I find it all so incredibly comical. Having been around the AA program for over 20 years, I can honestly say “there isn’t a soul claiming long term sobriety that has anything I want”! So, since the success rate is so disastrously nonexistent: Why in the hell is total abstinence long term the goal? As I have tried to explain, self loathing is the root cause of the chemical imbalance which causes the uncontrollable craving in the first place. The worst I have ever been treated in AA was coming back to the rooms after relapsing. This just caused a deeper level of self loathing.
It has been said by I think Carl Marx that religion is the opiate of the masses. I understand that because of what happened to me and countless others in recovery… It is fair to say that what is called “The Pink Cloud” in early recovery is really no more than “Spiritual Intoxication!” The Pink Cloud is often followed by a nasty long lasting hang-over called “The Dry Drunk”! This hang—over has symptoms identical to bipolar disorder; Depression, Mania and no sleep. And here are the symptoms of Alcoholism restless (no sleep), irritable (Mantic), and discontent (Depression).
It is my humble opinion that the mental health system has become nothing more than a network of drug pushers for the pharmaceutical industry. I am convinced that those poor sympathetic pill pushing head shrinks are now just a part of a large money making scam preying on people who are just simply mad as hell and can’t find a way out of their misery. Listen to how stupid all this really is: I went to a doctor with a serious clinical depression. This problem I had, I would not wish on my worst enemy. My doctor told me I need drugs to be happy. What a concept and, WHY IN THE HELL DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT! I learned that the drugs the doctors have are very expensive and they really suck. They don’t do shit. The drugs I can get on the street cost ½ as much and make me twice as happy. Drugs of any kind cannot and never will solve my problem which was MADNESS. The problem was madness, the solution is happiness! MY DOCTOR TOLD ME, “TAKE THESE DRUGS AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY!” He lied! HMM – The drug pushers on the street say the same thing! Drugs can numb the pain but not, STOP THE MADNESS!!!
What is alcoholism? One definition of an alcoholic can be found in the Doctors Opinion which is considered by most to be the first chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The problem in this chapter is described as a mental obsession coupled with an uncontrollable craving for more alcohol once an alcoholic has the first drink.
I am a person who experienced alcoholic binge problem drinking from the first time I took a drink and during most of my drinking; I most always drank for effect. I now have what is considered to be impossible for an alcoholic; the ability to control and enjoy my drinking. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. It is generally accepted by everybody that this statement is a non disputable fact. This statement makes Alcoholism a problem to big for The All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven. This statement means the problem of Alcoholism is permanent and the solution is temporary. The Big Book of AA says this: “All we have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our fit spiritual condition”. This is true only because Alcoholism is not understood by very many people. Here is the truth: The symptoms of Alcoholism restless (no sleep) irritable (mantic) and discontent (depression) are caused by ANGER—HATE—BITTER UNFORGIVENESS—RESENTMENTS—SELF LOATHING… These things which I shall now call MADNESS are the cause of the mental illness or chemical imbalance which causes the phenomenon of craving. The Program of AA has no mention of FORGIVENESS and how to do it. This is what keeps the program just a hair’s breathe away from perfection, and stuck in the never ending cycle of progress. I have gone through the process of forgiving first myself then everybody else that has ever hurt me. And now I’m not mad anymore, and therefore I can now control and enjoy my drinking. This is so simple: NO MADNESS = NO CRAVING! I am healed! I am no longer powerless over alcohol! I now have a Permanente solution and a temporary problem! This more accurately reflects the POWER of my AWESOME GOD! I AM CURED!!! No one is ever going to take this from me, and I shall now make it my mission in life to try and get this mystery of the Gospel truth out to as many people as possible!
I am a person who experienced alcoholic binge problem drinking from the first time I took a drink and during most of my drinking; I most always drank for effect. I now have what is considered to be impossible for an alcoholic; the ability to control and enjoy my drinking. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. It is generally accepted by everybody that this statement is a non disputable fact. This statement makes Alcoholism a problem to big for The All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven. This statement means the problem of Alcoholism is permanent and the solution is temporary. The Big Book of AA says this: “All we have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our fit spiritual condition”. This is true only because Alcoholism is not understood by very many people. Here is the truth: The symptoms of Alcoholism restless (no sleep) irritable (mantic) and discontent (depression) are caused by ANGER—HATE—BITTER UNFORGIVENESS—RESENTMENTS—SELF LOATHING… These things which I shall now call MADNESS are the cause of the mental illness or chemical imbalance which causes the phenomenon of craving. The Program of AA has no mention of FORGIVENESS and how to do it. This is what keeps the program just a hair’s breathe away from perfection, and stuck in the never ending cycle of progress. I have gone through the process of forgiving first myself then everybody else that has ever hurt me. And now I’m not mad anymore, and therefore I can now control and enjoy my drinking. This is so simple: NO MADNESS = NO CRAVING! I am healed! I am no longer powerless over alcohol! I now have a Permanente solution and a temporary problem! This more accurately reflects the POWER of my AWESOME GOD! I AM CURED!!! No one is ever going to take this from me, and I shall now make it my mission in life to try and get this mystery of the Gospel truth out to as many people as possible!
OK back to the story. When I walked into the bar that night; I must say that most of the people in there were acting very strange. It seemed to me that they were all there for me: Several of the partiers there that night seemed to know all about me. I felt like the whole night was design for my benefit. I know I’m starting to sound like a wacked out meth monster; they all think their being followed around and watched. The big difference here is; I wasn’t using meth, and I really am being followed around, watched and babysat by aggressive Spooks from at least 4 federal law enforcement agencies: When the Fed’s accuse a person of killing 5 people with Weapons Grade ANTHRAX. They’re going to watch and follow you after something like that. HMM—why in the hell do I sound absolutely MAD, certifiably insane and completely ape shit nuts out of my mind telling people this story? I think I’m doing the right thing here. I can testify that this old proverb is a life reality: “No good deed ever goes unpunished.” And, “A lie can travel half way around the world before truth gets its shoes on.” Here is why I think those two old proverbs are the truth: People really don’t want the truth. In situations like this, it is always the best liar that wins. Life sucks!
Remember the funny txt message I sent super sexy Chris, the female FBI Special Agent, hottie with a body; asking her to tell her boy friend Brian that I wanted to arm—wrestle him for her. Within an hour of my being at the bar, I find myself arm—wrestling every guy in the club, and none of them cam beat me. At the end of the night I asked a pretty girl for a ride over to Johnson’s Corner. She said she would pay for a cab to take me there. Not exactly what I was looking for, but I wasn’t going to say no. So, that is how I got out of Denver and started the best dam homeless and broke Hobo adventure story ever told.
I made it to Johnson’s Corner at about 3:00am; I fell down by the side door and went to sleep under the stars. It was a beautiful warm summer night. I slept like a baby chain saw.
July 14th 2007
Ring—Ring—Ring———Ring—Ring—Ring
“Hi there, G—man.”
“Good morning Chris.”
“OH Brian, good job getting the Gorilla to leave town.”
OH boy: That was the strangest thing the FBI has ever seen. And we thought we were good at intimidation.”
I don’t know Brian; I’m going to miss that big scary Gorilla. I mean if you’re going to fight back Martin is surely doing it the right and American way… Wouldn’t you agree?
“Hell No, Chris that man is completely certifiably ape shit nuts insane!”
OH my. I think I’ve found his button, Chris thought to herself.
“Brian you’re starting to sound a little jealous.”
“Chris; please don’t flatter yourself; it’s not very professional…”
“OK G—man. Not while we are at work. I can tell you don’t like McCall. But Brian here is something you need to know about me.”
“What’s that Chris?”
“I never flatter myself!”
OOPS—I think that was a mistake, Brian thought to himself…
“Chris, I’ve got some work I need to get done I’ll call you later. Want to meet up for cocktails’ after work?”
“OH No—I’ve got plans for later. Call me tomorrow G—man.”
“Alright Chris talk to you tomorrow.”—Click…
I was told early on at Johnson’s Corner that getting across country this way is a lot harder than it was 10 years ago. It seems 9/11 messed up truck stop travel for Hobos: Now we broke bums can only travel on Gray Hound to get across country. I didn’t have any money for a bus ticket, so I decided to go for it anyway. I didn’t know this when I started my journey across this Nation; but getting rides from Truckers these days is almost impossible. There aren’t that many independent Drivers out there. Most of the Big Riggs on the road now are owned by Fat Bastard Corporate America; with strict rules against giving rides to unregistered travelers. The penalty for giving a hitch hiker a ride is pretty bad. These rules are enforced by State Police all across this Nation. I was told by a Truck Driver that if the Cop’s caught him with me in the truck somewhere in Podunk Wyoming: We would both be removed from the truck along with our personal belongings’ right there in the middle of nowhere. Then the Cop would take the keys, lock the truck and leave us there no matter where we were. That would suck; but I knew I was going to make it to California and write my story. Nothing was going to stop me. I was, and I still am determined to do this.
I learned that a clean look, honest face and friendly attitude go a long way at some of these truck stops across this country. I stopped mostly at Flying J truck stops. They all have good food in there restraints, clean showers, friendly people and a nice TV lounge.
July 17th 2007
Ring—Ring—Ring———Ring—Ring—Ring…
“Hello this is Steve Hodges.”
“Steve, Chris here. How are you?”
“Chris it’s so nice to hear from you. How can I help you?”
“Steve, I think we need to get Brian off the McCall case.”
“I noticed Brian seemed more than a little hostile, bordering on antagonistic aggression on the phone the other day. I had no Idea what would cause such a reaction from Brian at Mr. McCall. Chris do you know what might have caused Brian to act that way?”
“Steve, please don’t ask me to explain my reasons for needing Brian off this case. Just do it, based on your own concerns from what you witnessed.”
“Chris I think Brian wants off this one anyway. He knows there isn’t much we can do to those responsible for all this, and that bothers him; in fact that bothers me too.”
“Steve! Don’t cave in just yet. There are still good people in this department. In fact there are a lot of us. There are still things we can do. We have a lot more liberty these days since the Patriot Act. Don’t give up just yet Steve. It’s not over until the fat lady sings around here.”
CHAPTER 15
Ape Shit Nuts Crazy
It’s me Martin, again. Never in my life, have I felt as free as I was leaving my home town. However, I must say this was the beginning of a delusional psychosis, which must have been a blast for the sick prick feds watching me. What a sick world we live in. People responsible for keeping us all safe would rather pick on a sick person trying as hard as I could to save my own life, than do the right thing, and go after the politician responsible for killing innocent people with pardoned thugs, ANTHRAX, Character Assignation, and GOD knows what else these evil fat bastards are doing to kill people and advance their own selfish ambitions for power and more power.
Let me ask a magic question here: If you were a politician responsible for killing people with ANTHRAX and pardoned killers, and you messed up and exposed yourself by coming at someone and missing; what would you do to protect yourself?
I don’t know the answer to that question; but here is what happened to me after I was put on a watch list and followed around and fucked with by GOD only knows who and how many. But I survived well, and I think I won this battle too!
OK back to the story: I obviously made it here to California, that’s how I met Brad Johnson (my hero)… This is also a great story, but I’m saving it for the happy ending.
I learned very fast that just asking permission for the things I needed, like food, showers and rides, was all I needed to do to make it from Denver to San Francisco… Steve Schafer was right; just being nice got—err—done, and well done I did it!
If you would like to live vicariously through delusions’ of grandeur; just keep reading, and I’ll show you how to do that too, better than anybody…
It took me exactly 7 days to make it from Denver to San Francisco traveling from truck stop to truck stop. I found that all I needed to do to get food, showers and smokes is just ask for what I needed, until I got it. This works so much better than panhandling for money. People don’t like to give money to strangers; but allowing people to help me out with the things I needed, worked efficiently well: I didn’t have to waist huge globs of time begging for money to get shit… I just asked straight up, nice and honest, for what I needed. I could tell even the people I asked for help using this technique respected me, and responded favorably, helping me to make it to where I was going. I loved this part of my journey, and I hope you do too…
I swear to GOD All Mighty, I believe I was helped along by some very cool and spooky people: I couldn’t tell who it was that scripted and put these truck driving spooks in my life that got me from Denver to Redwood City CA., maybe I was going crazy, I can’t say for sure they were Fed’s, Cop’s, Homeland Security people, Christians being led by GOD. I could just tell they were there for me, and I felt very safe, free and secure as I traveled across this great country as a broke as the 10 Commandments homeless Hobo with the best dam story ever told.
Here is how I kept clean, fed and entertained traveling from Truck stop to truck stop: Truck stops have showers but if you’re not buying fuel they charge between $5.00 and $10.00 for one. I didn’t have any money so here is how I got them: I just went to the counter and said, “I’m broke as the 10 Commandments traveling across country and I could really use a shower. Is there any way I could do a little work around here to pay for my shower? The first person I asked at all the truck stops I stopped at, just printed a shower ticket gave it to me And said don’t worry about it bro…
Getting a good meal was just as easy as getting a shower. The same line about traveling across country broke as the 10 Commandments worked in the truck stop restraints as well. I did not go hungry.
For entertainment, the lounge in every truck stop has TV with movie channels. Hanging out in the lounges is how I met people, asked for and got rides, and smokes…
I think some of our best country men and women are truckers, what you see, is what you get with most of these people: I respect that… Hard to figure out people are in my opinion phony, with way too many skeletons in their closet. Shit that’s me. My hope is that by the time I’m done with this fractional truth fictional novel, all my skeletons will be out of my closet, and gone from me for good.
Sometimes a crazy show is the best defense…
Something about us problem drinkers; or alcoholics as some people refer to us weirdo’s that sometimes drink too much. Is that people in this class never seemed to grow up: Sure we look old as we age, but we still act like we are stuck in high school?
When I got here to California the drama intensified… These people put on me, by only GOD knows who, are everywhere, plus they are intercepting some of my phone calls, and listening to my every word, and tracking me. Friendly people that to me obviously knew things about me kept coming around. They usually came in peace, but turned on me later; just like Melissa, my scripted little split tailed, double breasted, mattress thrasher that gutted me back in Denver before I left…
The first thing I did after I arrived here in Redwood City CA., was get to an AA meeting. I found a nice club in San Carlos. After the meeting I immediately went to work looking for homeless services, food stamps, shelter, shower’s, food, out of the way places to sleep outside.
I was a little leery about checking into the county shelter because of what happened to me at “New Genius” the homeless Shelter I stayed in back in Denver. The day was July 21st 2007, the weather here is the best on planet earth; just a little chilly at night but not too bad.
By the time I arrived here in Redwood City CA., I was becoming aware of just how much evil I was really taking on. Here’s the list:
· The Clinton’s
· The Warranty Group (the company that fired me)
· Alcoholics Anonymous
· The Pharmaceuticals Industry
Those are four great big fricken evil industries: Wouldn’t you agree? I thought so! I think it is also common knowledge that all four of these evil empires are the type’s that fight back, when their interests are threatened.
OK let me throw in some common since here: If I were a politician and I messed up and exposed myself as the only person involved in this thing that could possibly get my hands on WEAPONIZED ANTHRAX; I’d be looking for all the help I could get to keep this thing quiet…
The most painful part of this mess for me is strangely hilarious: My brother and his bitchy wife are two of the biggest Rush Limbaugh fans alive today. It was my own family, my brother and his wife that actually dropped that scary powder filled package in the mail that arrived at TWG, (the company that fired me). O—M—G how funny is that; Bill &Hillary got huge Rush Limbaugh lovers to do their dirty work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous is just about the only game in town where people who want to get and maintain sobriety can find fellowship with others that share the same goal.
I now think AA is organized to the extent that they are well trained and equipped with the tools to do plenty of wrong things to see to it nobody can come out against that organization.
Alcoholics Anonymous will see to it that there organization maintains anonymity at the level of press radio and film. AA is hands off, and has the power to smash anybody coming out against their program of recovery. Remember it is conceivably plausible that the 12 step program is the brain child of Hitler because Hitler saw the consequences to a society when Alcohol is made illegal. When you take away alcohol from society you will see a great depression. This is for sure!
The Pharmaceuticals industry has also gone after people threatening their interests. Right now there are approximately 2.5 million people prescribed psychiatric drugs for their alcoholic symptoms. The Mental Health profession has only pills for symptoms. And for me those pills SUCKED… I hated them; they seemed to keep a person stuck in depression. Then I found out what those drugs do is prevent mantic episodes. HMM—if I had my choice I and I could choose to stay stuck in either my mantic times—which I always enjoyed, or stuck in depression—that I always hated… I’m pretty sure I would choose my mantic times: Minus purchasing those two, bran new, very sweet Nissan’s; that was stupid, but other than that, I enjoyed my mantic times. I had fun; I didn’t break any laws or hurt anybody.
What became clear to me from writing my story is; when my life turned around and positive enjoyable circumstances came my way; I was religiously living a Christian spiritual life. And when my life sucked; I was living in a backslidden condition.
Oh I almost forgot something: I haven’t explained the Adolph Hitler connection to all this. If you research the establishment of Alcoholics Anonymous; trust me, this stuff is not hard to find. You will see Bill Wilson, the Founder of AA, was approached by German spies involved with the Oxford Group, the Rev. Frank Buchman and Samuel Shoemaker. They loved Adolph Hitler.
Here is why Hitler devised the 12 step program; with the help of Yessir Areafart’s predecessor, a Palestinian called The Mufti. Hitler saw how MAD the Muslims are. Hitler knew Muslims’ used their religion to keep sober. Hitler saw Prohibition in America followed by “THE GREAT DEPRESSION”. I think Hitler laughed his ass off, and said let’s do that again.
CHAPTER 16
Genius
It’s time for me to tell how I was able to stop my madness, and be cured of problem drinking. I figured this out while I was in jail, solitary confinement in Pinellas County Florida. Let me tell U all about it.
It was the middle of October 2007. The rain came early that fall. My spot under the bridge sucks when it rains. The creek comes way up and washes everything into the San Francisco Bay. So it was time for me to move.
I started to think maybe I overstayed my welcome in San Mateo. I was thinking my Father would help me. He lives in Clear Water, Florida. I made plans to leave California and go to Florida to see my Father.
I learned that The Society of St Vincent de Paul would help a guy like me, Homeless and broke as the Ten Commandments; get to anywhere Grey Hound went. So I went to see Tom at St. Vinnie’s San Mateo on “B” St.
Tom was able to give me a voucher good for a one way ticket to Clear Water Florida.
It was a long trip from San Francisco to Clear Water Florida but I did enjoy it. However Florida sucked. I no sooner got off the bus in Florida and things went from bad to worse…
My dad let me have a room in one of his rentals but he put me out on the streets after only one night. I could tell as soon as I saw my father that he was not happy to see me. He treated me with complete contempt and disrespect. I really did not know how to respond to him. He did not want me there and he did not want to help me either.
I do want to say that this is when I became convinced that my problem of self loathing was caused by my parents. This is when I became aware of the cause of my problem. I know some of U reading this now is thinking that I am just looking for someone to blame, instead of accepting responsibility for my own actions. This is the meat of my mission: I am going to attempt to articulate my main point and my main reason for doing this. I am going to do this by telling how I was relieved of my MADNESS.
First I must tell everybody that I had taken responsibility for my actions. I had done more work on me than just about anybody I know. I have documented in this story how many times I went into the rooms of AA, got a sponsor and did the work of the 12 steps. My life always got better when I did so. However I think I made myself crystal clear. The program only works when I work it. The affect on me of working the steps was just like what drugs women and alcohol had done for me. The steps, women, things, drugs, alcohol and money all make me happy. But nothing lasts very long. Same thing with my church involvement, when I made use of what was offered in church, my life improved and I got happy. The only thing out there designed to help people who suffer like I was suffering; the drugs the shrinks have really sucked and did nothing for me at all, not even at first. Those psyche drugs did me absolutely no good at all, what a rip off scam that is.
Magic Question Time:
Why was it that nothing out there that I tried had a permanent positive effect on me? What is missing here?
The way I came to the understanding that I had a real Forgiveness issue to deal with and how to deal with this is profound but very simple. I have sat through many—many church services and I have never once heard a preacher teach this. I find it so hard to believe nobody has seen and dissected what Jesus did as his last act.
Here is what I noticed as I read through the Bible the last time: I am a person who believes actions speak better than words.
The very last act of Jesus is that while he was being tortured, mocked and publicly humiliated. Jesus had been abused, whipped, bruised and spat upon. He was bleeding and in agonizing pain. Look at what he did with His last breath; He prayed for those who were right there doing it to Him; and he did that right there on the tree they hung him from.
Now, who on earth has a problem with Jesus and what he did? Answer: No one has a problem with Jesus and what he did. If U ask anybody who wants nothing to do with Church People: You will notice they all have a problem with those who claim to have made the big change and are now just like Jesus was…
Here is the best sirloin top choice cut of beef I have… Here’s the Beef: I became so MAD after my father put me out on the street in his town that I only wanted to get smashed to take the intense edge off my temperament. I was MAD and I wanted to be happy, can you guess what I decided would work? Yup U guessed it; Good Old John Barley Corn, Sour Mash Whiskey. That stuff cost’s money, I had no money. I decided to take up shoplifting from Cost Co, and then sell the ill gotten gains for liquor money. I got caught. That’s when I landed in Pinellas County Jail in Clear Water Florida. I think it’s fair to say I was completely ape shit nuts at this point in my journey all across this once great, US—of—A
I was completely broken at this point. All alone, in Jail, homeless broke as the Ten Commandments, stuck like Chuck, down on my luck and in a Jail full of bad men, with no girls to fuck. Yeah this really did suck…
My behavior gave the Sheriff in Pinellas County the idea that I should probably be in solitary confinement. I did over 130 days in Pinellas county Jail—Solitary Confinement…
Here is my strong testimony: It was, I think my own family that actually dropped that scary power filled package in the mail that went to the company that fired me, (TWG—The Warranty Group). My family had no idea that the hand writing on the package or envelope, given to them by someone, somehow matched the hand writing on the real deadly powder filled envelope’s that went through the mail back in 2001, and killed 5 innocent people with Weaponized ANTHRAX…
It was the winter of 2007; I was in solitary confinement Pinellas County Jail. None of this crap would have happened to me if my family had only done the right thing, and went to the police with that scary, stamped, self-addressed little package that someone gave to them. I wanted REVENGE! My mind was consumed with visions of their demise, haunting me 24/7. I think it is safe to say I had resentment, and it was killing me, not them… For me, holding resentment is like me taking poison, hoping they die. My resentments are my demons. I was hungry, angry, and lonely and tired, (HALT).
This is when I learned the mechanics of Forgiveness; the how to do it instructions: Look at Jesus dyeing last act. He prayed for the ones that crucified him, He did that with his dyeing breath, and he did it while they were doing it to him, right there on the cross with everybody watching.
It was when I was in Jail that I came to the realization that it must be none other than Bill & Hillary Clinton that were after me. It was in jail, when I looked at all the institutions that were involved in this thing: That fact alone makes it completely unfathomable that Guy, Clintons “Assassin” is the one causing me all this trouble. It must be somebody a whole lot bigger with an awful powerful network of thugs playing makes the monkey jump with me. Again who is involved in this thing that could get my family, my church, alcoholics anonymous, the Denver Police Department, The FBI, The Warranty Group and all the rest too corporate? Duh—the Clintons…
I decided to try what Jesus did with his last breath, to relieve myself of my demons—resentments. The list of people I’m angry at is long and distinguished. So I decided while I was in solitary confinement to pray to my GOD: That He would do for them what I wanted Him to do for me; and to do that until my emotions to forgive caught up with my decision to forgive. I call that the eighteen inch drop; from the head to the heart. For me making that 18” drop was a son—of—a—bitch… But it worked, and I received a great blessing in return for doing so… I simply was not mad anymore. The personal result of following in Jesus steps to forgive is that I was cured of problem drinking. I was given the ability to control and enjoy my drinking. I can now drink responsibly… what a huge blessing. No more meetings, no more trouble from drinking too much, no more chemical imbalance in my brain causing me to drink alcohol uncontrolled.
I chased away my demons on my knees, praying for all that had caused me harm, and doing it in solitary confinement while they were doing it to me and watching me on cam 24/7.
CHAPTER 17
Justification
There ya go Uncle Jim; now U should be able to tell what the hell I was trying to do by writing this AWESOME Novel… I believe it will be a success someday, probably after I’m dead. I know in my heart that I was doing exactly what my AWESOME Creator GOD in Heaven wanted me to do.
There are a couple more points I wanted to make by telling more of my story. Points like my Alcoholism or Problem Drinking as I like to call it, was caused by self—loathing; my self—loathing was caused by what I like to call Multi—Generational—Bruising… Multi—Generational—Bruising is bad parental discipline. Parents that discipline their kids with malice and cruelty will make a problem drinker or Alcoholic every time!
Jim my mom and dad hated me my whole life. When I did bad things that most kids were doing back in my day; I was just trying to fit in. I had always been told by both my parents that I was a bad person… Here’s what happens when parents do that to their young impressionable children: I believed them also just like U did when U heard the terrible character assignations’ spewed out about me almost every place we went… They were so fucking cruel; they would talk shit about me right in front of me. My whole life I wanted to be somebody else. Therein lays the root cause of just about all alcohol and drug addiction. I didn’t like me, and I wanted to be somebody else: Guess what’s going to work? I was mad and I wanted to be happy: Again, guess what’s going to work? Between 3:00 and 6:00pm all over this country bars are having Happy Hour 2 for 1: I think the bars have us figured out; they know what we want.
The main points I am hoping to make are these:
· Power is something men cannot be trusted with: More of them that have it will abuse it.
· The way to keep power away from sinners is to separate the powers so no sinner can have absolute power over the masses.
· The reason my faith concerning what I am doing is so strong is because of all the numerical coincidences that kept coming up as I wrote this thing…
· Life is going to suck real bad for all of us here in America, if Bill and Hillary Clinton are who I think they are, and then if so, not stopped.
· I think I found a cure for Alcoholism or Problem Drinking, and I think that is a very profound discovery that all men should know about.
· The truth about my serious problem is UGLY and embarrassing for all in our family; but the problem needs to go away, and stopping my Madness is what cured me of that nasty self—destructive dis—ease I was dying of.
· I don’t have the ability, or the power that it will take to stop evil men from finding ways to abuse our once great system; for their personal desire for power and more power. But I do have a big fricken mouth and I believe there are a lot of good men reading my blog and hoping, just like I am, that evil men will be stopped, so that the prophecy in the book of Isaiah will manifest, instead of the dreaded prophecy in Revelation: Yes I do believe that mankind has a choice. I don’t believe we are doomed to live through the disasters prophesied in Revelation. Stop the Madness is exactly what Jesus was preaching, and he was crucified for preaching like that.
· There are literally millions of people just like me, suffering horrifically with symptoms caused by hate. I found a way out, so naturally I feel an AWESOME responsibility to tell my story of how I got out, so many others can find the same freedom I now have. I believe I must give away what has been freely given to me, in order to keep what I now have…
· I lived through a very powerful attack on my life, and the people that came against me, used my own family to do their dirty work. I want to tell the whole word my story because I think my story told the right way will help millions of suffers find a way out, and be afforded the same inner peace I now have…
· The knowledge I now have has cost me everything, this life lesion is valuable to me. I would like a lot of good to come out of my life experience. I would like to think I went through all this for a good reason; like helping The Almighty with his good purpose: “Souls in Heaven”.
· I think I clearly documented in my story, that I knew something was wrong with me. I wanted to be well. I was sick enough to go to any length to find victory over my problems. I had tried everything we have out there to help people with my kind of suffering. I now know my solution is happiness through Forgiveness. Jesus’ best preaching and teaching is on the topic of forgiveness. Everybody knows that! I thought I made myself perfectly clear, and my main point of the whole thing is “STOP THE MADNESS”!
· It says in the Bible that as a believer I can lay hands on the sick, and see them recover. Magic Questions—I’m a believer and I have been for a long time now; so how come I’ve never seen the sick recover? In fact I laid hands on a sick friend and he died… Boy I felt let down and stupid after that one… Was it my lack of faith, or my sick friend’s lack of forgiveness that prevented the recovery? Or is that scripture at the end of the Gospel of Mark, just a bunch of bull shit and most likely altered Scripture and does not apply to today’s believers???
How can U, Uncle Jim, disagree with that line of thought? I believe U R a person that is 100% sold out to Christ… Tell me Jim: Where is my error in thinking??? U can’t find any error in what I’m trying say here. Can U? U doesn’t like my style and some of the bad words in this thing… I’m right aren’t I???
Please tell me Jim, why am I the one that is in the wrong, and accused by almost everybody (accept professionals capable, tested and approved to make a legal judgment concerning a person’s “Soundness of Mind”), of being crazy, by telling my story??? Can U easily offer plausible explanations, as to who it was that sent that scary package to the company that fired me: Then tried to make it look like I did it??? And does U think I am over reacting to an accusation by a Federal Special Agent of the FBI as being the person responsible for killing 5 innocent people with WEAPONIZED ANTHRAX? I was there when that happened; U was not… I am sure he was not playing games with me… Just what have I done to cause U to not give me the benefit of the doubt?
Last but not least, Jim, I want to explain something to U… I think it is fair to say; I believed I was given something of Biblical Significance to do by the All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven. It took every ounce of strength I could muster up, to hold on to that belief; I was, and I am still, all alone on that one: Which is exactly the way it was, for just about every single one of GOD’s Profits and Seer’s, written about in the bible. GOD is the one His own people reject every time. Here’s why: Some truth is Brutal, ugly, strange, sounds more like fiction than fiction itself. People really don’t want to know some truth… The problems exposed in the wickedest of the wicked doings of the Serpent and his kids, Requires an awful solution. Men can’t do it… “The truth is not in them. They are of their father the devil” Jesus said that, not me; I think using the same words as Jesus in the same context of the original story, is using good discernment: U do it all the time Uncle Jim. I think U R just a bit jealous because U doesn’t like anybody that’s better at it than U R. Well get use to it Jim… That’s right Uncle Jim I think I’m better. That’s why I’m still alive and kicken and still trying; though not as hard as B4 to tell my story… How about U???
Shalom…
CHAPTER 18
My Blessing
March 27th 2010
I must make use of my computer time today to say thank you to some very good people! I recently received a huge blessing thanks to the Redwood City Police Department, especially Officer Brad Johnson.
I owe a debt to the next good man who finds himself in my situation, to make sure I don’t screw this up. And I promise you I’ll not do anything that will cause me to wind up as a special project of the RWCPD. Officer Johnson stuck his neck out, went to bat for, and got me a dream job. As part of my compensation package I will be living in a 3 bed room 2 full bath rooms 1350sq —ft home with new everything, this place is AWESOME!!!!!!!
My first assignment at my new job was to clean the bathrooms, kitchen, laundry and floors of my new crib. The boss lined me out with everything I needed to do the job and left me alone to get it done. I went straight to my new bed room fell to my knees and tearfully offered up praises and thanks to my AWESOME GOD!!!
Now this is a story worthy of reporting, cops get way to much negative publicity and not enough praise for the fine work they do.
Thank you KTVU Channel 2 News. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/14/police-officer-brad-johns_n_537451.html.
O—M—G Officer Brad Johnson is the recipient of the 2010 highly coveted “Police Officer of the year” award. Brad got the desirable honor for helping me; very cool…
I have nothing bad to say about this fine city I found myself in 34 months ago. I’m going to say Redwood City is in my opinion the absolute best place on earth to find good competent people working very smart and hard for a county organization called, Shelter Network of San Mateo County. Their workers are not corrupt taking advantage of homeless people, like you will find just about every place else in this country. There system is as close to perfect as humanly possible. I think they have the highest success rate in the nation, God knows they sure work smart and hard enough towards that end.
Again to Officer Brad Johnson and the Redwood City Police Department, THANK YOU!!! I will not let you down; you have my word which is all I have left.
CHAPTER 19
Mad Skills
My claim to fame isn’t much, but it is my claim to fame… my claim to fame is: I did homeless and broke as the Ten Commandments better than anybody ever, in the history of man. Here’s how I did it…
I never missed a meal. Here’s how… Finding food is the easiest thing there is for a Hobo to do. There are many ways to get free food. There are soup kitchens in all big American cities. I always found them first. What I found as I traveled all across America is that there is at least one free meal, 6 days a week, everywhere I went. The problem is getting to them. I always found a way to get a bicycle. And I was pretty good at working bus drivers for free rides to AA meetings. I wasn’t really going to an AA meeting at this point, because I think someone high up in the political side of AA, is trying to keep me homeless and broke and discredited. I believe AA will maintain anonymity at the level of press radio and film. That’s one of their traditions. Anyway just simply telling the Bus driver that I was homeless and broke, and I needed to get to an AA meeting, worked every single time I used it. So for me getting around in every city I found myself in was free and easy.
Asking for a chore at an eatery in exchange for a plate of food, also worked almost every time I tried it. When it did fail; it was because I was not in an area where there were several restaurants’ close together. To be successful with this, I made sure I was on a block where there were lots of greasy spoons to beg from. Some of the best meals I ever had in my whole life, I got this way. And here is the best part: Those eating places that fed me when I asked, “work for food” not once would they let me labor for my supper; it was free every time it worked.
Sampling in the big grocery stores is another effective and harmless way to get free food. Remember the # 1 important things about me were my pride and pleasure in the way I looked; I never let my appearance match my circumstances. I was a homeless, broke as the Ten Commandments Hobo, but U could not tell that by looking at me. So I never let myself get stinky and nasty just because I was living on the streets. If you look like a Hobo almost any store you walk into is going to, #1 watch you, #2 have security remove you from there store if they see you sampling and #3 catch you for sure if you are shop lifting. I kept my self clean (clean = Holy) so my food menu was almost unlimited…
There are some food chains that have leftover food that they toss in the trash when they close. I found a few of those, and sometimes I just went there at their closing time, and waited by the back door. When someone came out, I told them I was homeless and hungry and I asked the worker closing, if he had any good leftover food he was going to through away, and if so could I please have it… They always said yes, and the pizza was usually still warm.
Cost Co is another great place to get free food. That chain has lots of sample stations set up and the portions are bigger. The problem is this: You need a Cost Co membership card to get in the door. I didn’t have a Cost Co membership card. Do you think that stopped me? Nope, it did not. There are lots of ways to get around that little problem. Here’s a few: When I walked up to the person checking for cards I would just say, “I’m sorry I dropped my wife off at the curb while I parked the car. She has our card and I forgot I would need it to get in. That one always worked. Sometimes I would just tell the person checking for cards that I wanted to sign up, and ask where I go to do that. Then once in, well you get the picture.
Here are some not so innocent ways to get food; remember it always boils down to 3 sources “beg, borrow or steal.” Sometimes I would go to the big chain grocery stores, grab a buggy and start filling it, munching on stuff as I was going through the aisles. I kept the wrappers. When I went through the check out and it was time to pay; I simply said; “oops I left my check book in the car. I’m sorry I’ll be right back.”
I never missed a shower; here’s how: Part of the reason I decided to do most of my homeless and broke Hobo experience here in Redwood City CA., is because of the ease of getting a nice hot shower every day. Keeping clean = holy is real easy here because of the efforts of The Society of St. Vincent de Paul: They give shower vouchers out to the homeless good for two showers a week at Red Morton Community Center. Those vouchers are easily copied anywhere, so getting more than two showers a week is easy. Plus at Red Morton they don’t care if a homeless person puts his own lock on a locker: I had two lockers, one for clean and one for dirty clothes. So I was not carrying all my things with me all the time; that is a homeless badge and it is a lot easier to get around without carrying all my stuff with me.
While I was living under the bridge in San Mateo CA; the stream was full of clean water. Sometimes I would just take a soap and water bird bath in the creek I slept next to.
The public restroom at the train station has a sink with a tall goose neck faucet and plenty of hot water. It is best to get there early in the morning before anybody else; because all the homeless people in San Mateo know about that place to clean up, and some of the other homeless aren’t very neat about how they leave that bathroom when they are done.
One day a thought accrued to me; “hmm—I wonder what the person working 24 hour fitness is doing at four in the morning.”
Answer: Sleeping!
This one was my favorite and I got away with it for almost 3 months. I would simply go to 24 hour fitness at 4:00am, and just quietly walk past the sleeping attendant. Then once I was in the place; why not use the whole facility? That’s right I muscled up at 24 hour fitness for free. Taking a shower there was the best. I used the sauna, steam room and hot tub also. Since it was so easy to use 24 hour fitness to clean up, at four in the morning, I also had a locker there to keep my things in.
Keeping me in clean clothes was easy here in California too; here is how I did that: The wonderful and AWESOME St. Vincent de Paul organization in San Mateo will do laundry for anybody that is homeless and broke. Just show up at 8:00 am Monday—Friday and ask them for laundry help. They will take you across the street to “Mr. Bubbles” and pay for soap, washing and drying, two loads max in the medium size machines. They will also give out clothing vouchers, under where and socks, plus one hair cut per month. I would also get hot soup and a sandwich there five days a week.
I traveled this entire Nation flat broke the whole time; here’s how I did that: Getting a voucher from St. Vincent de Paul always worked, but you must have someone in the city you want to go to so that St. Vinnie’s can call. They will not send a homeless person to a city without having a friend or family member there to vouch for you.
Flying a sign that said something like this; “I’M HOMELESS. MY MOM JUST DIED. I NEED TO GET HOME PLEASE HELP!” This one always worked. Within one hour, someone would pull over, take me to the bus station and buy me a ticket to anywhere.
One time I went to a big church and asked the pastor to help me get home. That worked too…
Any way U wants to shake this, travel is fun. I did lots of it; all of it straight up broke as the Ten Commandments with credit so bad people barley took my cash when I had it.
I was on a mission to tell as many people as possible what happened to me when I figured out that killer (Guy) that Bill Clinton set free, was probably responsible for a lot of the dead people around the Clintons. My chosen audience was mostly Cops, here’s why: If a big scary Gorilla, homeless and broke like me, shows up in a community with a story like mine; trust me, the cops are going to watch and investigate a person like that… Perfect, I needed police protection and lots of it. I’m pretty sure just about all the police men in this Nation know my story now… After all, I am still alive; and seeing to it cops knew all about me is probably the main reason I’m still breathing, and trying to get my story out there. I collected as many Police Officers email addresses as possible. I think I have something like 150 Cop emails from cities all across this Nation in my contacts. I sent this story to them all. I did all the writing in my first attempt to tell this story in libraries all across this country. I’m pretty sure computer use in libraries is monitored, so my story was looked at by those people as well. Perfect, more readers…
Sneaking in to a movie house is so easy for a clean cut, big scary old Gorilla like me… In fact, I now know so many ways to sneak in; I’m embarrassed to pay for a movie. I do pay now because I can; but the temptation is still strong to sneak in because I know I can… I am however a principled man. Sneaking into a movie because others were doing plenty to keep me homeless broke and discredited was my justification for all the stealing I did while I was on the street. I will say that sneaking into a movie on a rainy day, was a great way for me to live vicariously through the action on the big screen.
I spent a lot of time in libraries during my Hobo experience not all of it writing a lot of my time in there was spent reading; so I became quite the reader. I had learned that writing was something I enjoyed doing, so I read lots to teach myself the “Scribe’s Craft.” I read a lot of good books while I was out there; I think this made me better.
Getting good liquor was done the old fashion way; I boosted or pan handled for it… I never allowed myself to drink the rot gut cheep Vodka the other Hobo’s were drinking. That shit was nasty and I think designed to kill the Hobo’s… This is an old trick from way back in the Wild West days. Back in the day, if a new comer came into town and went into the bar; if the people didn’t like the new comer; the bar tender would get em drunk, and then switch their drink to turpentine. This would kill the new comer ass hole dead for sure…
Collective wisdom tells most community leaders nowadays that the homeless undesirables, will pan handle or recycle plastic and aluminum until they have just enough to get their desired amount of rot gut vodka. So why not add just enough turpentine to kill the bums a little bit faster. I know this sounds just a bit cruel, but I’m pretty sure this is going on. That is what I believed, so I stayed away from the cheep booze and drank only top shelf; and I drank it very responsibly.
It was and still is rare for me to get inebriated. I have learned that anger and alcohol don’t mix well. I’m not mad anymore, this is how I can now control and enjoy my drinking… What choice did I have anyway: My mission in life was, and still is to get my story out there; Alcoholics Anonymous is full of haters that will do bad things to stop me, because AA doesn’t look so good in this story? Remember anonymity at the level of press radio and film will be maintained to protect that evil nasty Idol worshiping, religion from the pit of hell away from any and all negative press. Evil always operates in the shadows; I’m trying my best to turn on the lights so I can watch the cock roaches scatter.
I smoked the best California green bud (Granddaddy Purp), here’s why: I still can get angry. I don’t yet have closure for my ugly situation, and I probably never will. Now instead of going for the bottle when I’m upset, I smoke a little weed.
If I went to a Doctor with my anger problem: I would be given pills for my madness symptoms. Those pills suck. I don’t want to take them. Weed is the perfect drug for hot heads… Just ask anybody who knows anything about weed smokers. We don’t cause any trouble. Weed mellows the spirit. When was the last time U saw on the news that a weed smoker got stoned and hurt somebody? You’ve never seen that because it doesn’t happen. Weed is a much safer drug than alcohol; everybody knows that.
My testimony is: “Sober sucks—everything in moderation is good.” Here’s why: There is no such thing as total abstinence from chemical peace of mind… All recovery available these days involves one form of intoxication or another… Those who like me managed to stay away from all mood changing mind altering substances, wind up the ugliest, hot head haters out there. I will never go there ever again.
Finding shelter under a bridge is easy… Everybody on the street quickly finds shelter under bridges. A lot of power struggles happen under bridges between the homeless. Other homeless people, cops and neighborhood thugs all check under bridges; and nobody knocks when they come by. Living under bridges involves a lot of drama: I really got tired of it. That is when I decided to find other places to sleep.
My bed of magic soft—bricks:
The main reason I stayed here in Redwood City CA is because it is just so easy to be homeless here. Easy to get a shower and a locker, easy to find free food, easy to find, out of the way places to sleep and stash my bedding during the day, are the reasons I stayed here.
I found a safe place to sleep right outside the traffic court building in down town Redwood City. My spot was covered so I stayed dry when it rained. However the bricks I slept on were hard and uncomfortable… One night I was lying on the covered brick sidewalk where I fell down. My back was hurting from laying on that hard surface every night. So I tearfully prayed this: “Father GOD I’m hurting from this hard surface I sleep on. Is there anything U can do to help me? If so, please do it… In Jesus name I pray. Amen.” Within 30 minutes of that prayer, I felt those hard bricks get squashy underneath me. Every night thereafter those bricks got soft. So I called it my bed of magic soft bricks…
CHAPTER 20
The people I met and their stories.
People with great stories live on the street; here’s just a few of my favorites:
Keve Soul—AKA—Cool Breeze, Alfonzo
There was a Cool Breeze in the morning but it got Windy in the afternoon, and she blew real hard.
Keve is the epitome of a free spirit. Not much bothers him, so it seems; until he starts drinking his cheep rot gut vodka. When that happens, everything about him changes, and not for the good. Cool Breeze is great to be around when he is sober or at least not on a week’s long bender. This man can drink the hard stuff and lots of it. He is the only man I have ever seen drink a whole quart of Tequila before noon and still has the ability to walk, He’s not talking so good at this point but he can still walk and not fall down.
Keve Soul is a reader. I think he has read every book in the Redwood City library. Cool Breeze told me when he was young; his grandmother would give him $200.00 every time he read the Bible, from start to finish. I think he learned to read fast that way; I know I for sure would have. Alfonzo said he bought dope with his Bible reading money that his grandmother gave him.
When I got to know Breeze, I learned there is only one person on GOD’s green earth that he’s mad at: KEVE SOUL. He knows he hates himself, but sadly he does not want to ever change that. I don’t know anybody that will say one single bad thing about Keve. When he wasn’t drinking too much I enjoyed spending time with him. He can talk about almost any topic. He is deep, far from being intellectually challenged.
He really just doesn’t give a dam anymore. He has given up on a normal life in a home earning money. I think he is simply waiting to die; and he has chosen the slow burn that comes from abusing King Alcohol.
Alfonzo told me that once he had a great job. He worked as a Butler for a very wealthy family in Atherton CA. I think the richest of the rich fat bastards live in Atherton. Keve still contacts his old employer once a month or so to get money. The family he once worked for will sometimes give him a couple thousand dollars. When that happens, everybody is drinking, Keve’s buying.
It’s because of this money and the crazy street girls Cool Breeze loves, he is now kicked out of every bar and motel here on this peninsula.
Keve told me he married a crazy raging problem drinker when he had his totally awesome job in Atherton. One day this crazy bitch showed up at the Mansion Breeze worked at. She was out of her head drunk. She got in a fight with the Lady of the house and accused her of sleeping with Keve. That was the end of his employment in Atherton. Alfonzo has been a Homeless and broke mess ever since.
Bank Ferns—AKA—Sonny
What is important to know about people is some are just plain evil, like Bank Ferns. This old man told me one of the saddest story’s I have ever heard. Sonny is a total mess, and after he told me his story, I thought I understood why.
Here’s the story Bank tells everybody he meets:
The day I met Sonny he told me that he was once a Coronel in the Army. He told me he married a Surgeon who worked out of Stanford Hospital. They had a son. Bank told me he came home one day and found his wife doing home surgery on their son. Bank Ferns told me his son died that day and his wife was arrested for murder, and she has been locked up ever since.
Bank gets several thousand dollars every month and he buys his friends with it. Everybody on the street in Redwood City knows and loves Sonny. He is always very generous with his money. His generosity coupled with all the sympathy from his sad story makes Sonny the most popular Hobo in Redwood City. I have learned it is always wise to be cautious of this kind of person.
Sonny is a fake; entirely. The story about the home surgery gone bad that he loves to tell anybody that will listen can be verified. However, there is something else about Bank Ferns.
A Redwood City Police Officer told me a story about one of the homeless people in Redwood City. This Officer would not tell me the name of the homeless man he was telling me about; but he was trying to give me a heads up, or a warning to watch out.
The Cop told me there was a homeless man in Redwood City that everybody on the street loves because he will be very generous with his money. He will give people money; buy them things and pay for all the booze. The Police officer told me to watch out because this person was one of a few death row inmates released in 1972 when California did away with the death penalty. He told me this person was a rapist and a murderer of a very young girl that he chopped up after he was done to try to hide the body. He was set free from death row because he was a model prisoner.
Hmm—Bank Ferns story about the home surgery gone bad can be verified. So that is a true story. Hey wait a minute… Sonny was guilty of rape, murder and dismembering his victim; tried, convicted then sentenced to death, then later set free… O—M—G can our politicians really be that bad? I think so… Don’t you agree that if Bank Ferns was responsible for one raped murdered and dismembered person: Isn’t it logical to think that maybe his story is not what really happened? Think about it. If a politician sets a criminal free and that criminal repeats his crime; which they always do. How’s that going to look for the politician that let the evil prick escape the justice he had coming? Not very pretty now is it.
I tried hard to verify what the Cop told me about Sonny. However, it seems information about criminals who had their sentences commuted, granted clemency or received a full pardon is not available to the public. Not even through the Freedom of Information Act. I know this because I tried. Here is a copy of the response I got form our Government concerning my request for information.
RE: Electronic FOIA (E-FOIA) Request Form | |||||||||||||
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To: | mccall465@comcast.net | ||||||||||||
Cc: | "Shoko Hair" <Shoko.Hair@fcc.gov>; "Patricia Quartey" <Patricia.Quartey@fcc.gov> | ||||||||||||
Dear Mr. McCall:
This is in response to your Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request electronically submitted to the Federal Communications Commission on August 22, 2010 seeking "a comprehensive list of all the names of all "guilty," person's granted full pardons, clemency, or had their sentences commuted."
The Federal Communications Commission is a regulatory agency which is responsible for regulating interstate and foreign communications. Thus, the records that you seek are not within the Commission's jurisdiction.
Please note also that there is no central office in the government that processes FOIA requests for all federal agencies. Each agency responds to requests for its own records. The records that you seek may be in the possession of the Department of Justice.
For your convenience, I have provided below the principal FOIA contact for the office which may possess the records that you seek. Please direct your inquiry accordingly.
Department of Justice, Room 115, LOC Building Washington, DC 20530-0001
(301) 583-7354, (301) 341-0772 fax
Sincerely,
Benish Shah
Office of Managing Director
Federal Communications Commission
-----Original Message-----
From: Martin A. McCall [mailto:mccall465@comcast.net]
Sent: Sunday, August 22, 2010 9:17 PM
To: FOIA
Subject: Electronic FOIA (E-FOIA) Request Form
Date of Request: 08/22/2010
Martin A. McCall Requests:
I want a comprehensive list of all the names of all "guilty," person's granted full pardons, Clemency, or had their sentences commuted. Weather those person's were pardoned, granted Clemency or had their sentences commuted by a President of the United States of America or a Governor of any State: Between January 1, 1970 through January 1 2010.
------------------------------------------------------------
Maximum Fee: 100.00
Is the requester entitled to a restricted fee assessment? No
If Yes Give Reasons for Inspection:
Any Additional Information and/or Comments:
Pardons are not free. I am going to, so help me GOD, publish the names of all pardoned thugs that any and all sick, twisted despotic, wacked out, megalomaniac, beggars posing as politician's set free from the justice they had coming; so that the sick prick politician that set the guilty free could advance their own personal, evil addenda's using such pardoned thugs to scare people into contributing large sums of money. Some Beggars (Politicians) have perfected the BUM RUSH AND THIS MUST STOP NOW!
Server protocol: HTTP/1.1
Remote host: 76.102.65.204
Remote IP address: 76.102.65.204
After I received that response to my request, I decided to drop the issue because I really don’t think it’s wise to pursue this any further. I was upset because Sonny started buying loyalty from some of the other homeless people on the street to come against me. That’s right Bank Ferns was orchestrating a bum rush against me, and I found out about it before he could complete his evil plan to cause me harm. The All Mighty protected me once again… I wonder what the chances are for a person to meet two pardoned murderers; and then to have them both come after me… Slim to fricken none is what I think. I don’t believe in coincidence and this sure as hell isn’t one.
Jike Mulian—AKA—ZZ, Lucifer the Bad Angle
The day I met Jike was strange to say the least. He told me he was Lucifer and that he had been around forever. It was at the library in down town Redwood City, July 2007. Then he said to me. “The cops were just here looking for you.” I said to him. “The cops know where I am at all times. If they were looking for me they don’t need to ask you.” He then told me that he was under a 24/7 surveillance condition also… Hmm—I could certainly relate to a situation like that, I thought to myself.
I didn’t have a single thing I needed to do that day, so I decided to listen a bit to ZZ tell me his story.
Jike told me about something’s I’m pretty sure I really did not want to know. I’m sure there is more to ZZ than most people recognize…
Lucifer the Bad Angle told me a story about how he was made. According to Jike, he is a product of our CIA; and that is why he has a 24/7 surveillance condition. Security knows who he is. Jike claims he is from a long line of people with a pure blood line all the way back to Cane. ZZ was not made the fun way. He claims to be one of the first people made the scientific way in the United States of America with technology captured from the Nazis’ at the end of WWII. If he is telling the truth, then that kind of breeding has got to be messing up the gene pool and pissing off the All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven…
ZZ told me that he believes all babies are made that way and have been for a very long time. He said it is rare for babies to be made the fun way anymore, and most of the babies that are made the fun way are aborted these days anyway.
I at that time thought he was completely out of his mind. What he is saying is this: Powerful evil men saved their sperm so that they can keep coming back (Cloning). The Bible does say in the book of Ecclesiastes this: If a man can think of something that sounds new; it is not new. In fact, not only has it been thought of before; it has been done before. There is nothing new under the sun history merely repeats itself.
ZZ mentioned cold storage as being necessary for this kind of science to be possible. I argued that cold storage is a recent invention of man; I at that time believed ancient man lived in an unrefrigerated society. Without cold storage evil rich fat bastards could not save their sperm for very long. So his theory was impossible for the earliest societies. ZZ laughed and said. “Society can’t exist without cold storage. As long as there have been cities, there has been refrigeration. It was just accomplished differently and a whole lot smarter back then.”
I asked Jike to please explain this to me, so he did. Jike Mulian asked me just what I thought the pyramids were built for. Immediately I understood where he was going with this. The only way to make the inside of a pyramid cold is to dump water on the top and let it run down the sides. Trust me this will work. If you add water to the top of a pyramid in the middle of a dry hot desert anything inside the pyramid is going to freeze. Evaporative cooling works extremely well in a desert: Proof that the Egyptians were doing this is the water damage on the Sphinx. If you look at a topical view of the Pyramids and Sphinx it becomes obvious that the old spinky was a swimming pool. Here is the deal with the Pyramid’s and the Sphinx: The Pyramids were ancient refrigeration units, and the Sphinx was a water heater. I know what the hell I’m talking about. I worked in heating and air conditioning for almost 30 years. I am qualified to say this will work.
The climate has not changed in Egypt; it’s a desert, it has always been a desert and it will always be a desert. However the Nile is very close to where the pyramids are. It’s not farfetched to think that water was diverted to the pyramid’s, pumped to the top and let run down the sides. In the process of evaporating the water traveling down the slope of the pyramids, cooling takes place not only inside the pyramids but the water itself will be made cold. So the ancient Egyptians had to find a way to heat the water coming off the pyramids before letting it go back into the Nile. If they didn’t the cold water would chase away the fish the Egyptians needed for food. So warming the water at the sphinx made the fish attracted to the area and lots of them came, so the food supply was supplemented with this technology. Pretty cool I think… So why doesn’t everybody know about this? I’m pretty sure ZZ is not the only person alive who knows this. The fact that this will work is enough proof for me; combined with the water damage on the sphinx, I’m convinced ZZ is right about what the pyramids were built for.
If you ask ZZ the Bad Angle how he knew this, he will tell you he came into this world with this knowledge: Hmmm—Genetic memory. If Lucifer the Bad Angle is right about the pyramids; could he also be right about how babies are made? I think there is a strong possibility that he is right about that too. Let me explain how I came to that conclusion…
I am a very deep thinker. I did not come to this conclusion until 2010 during the census…
After reading the Bible all the way through several times, I have the impression that GOD deals more with Nations than individuals. Governments want the people to think it is the bad character and bad behavior of the people that upsets the All Mighty and causes him to make life suck for everybody. Things like drunkenness, homosexuality, Steeling, adultery, arrogance, murder, bearing false witness. Yes these things are terrible and this world would be better without such things happening on God’s green earth. These things have always been a part of the human experience. Terrible I agree.
What keeps me from doing things like that is, I just don’t want to. I don’t want to pay the price for doing them. I don’t think I can get away with it. There are consequences here and the hereafter that I don’t want to face. This is what I have always believed; so I have no interest in hurting people.
When I read the Bible the last time I was wondering why taking a census would upset the All Mighty. King David ordered a census and that made GOD mad—2nd Samuel 24. King David had to choose his punishment for doing that. His choice was a 3 day plague that killed 70,000 innocent people. What in the hell about a census could cause GOD to kill 70,000 innocent people? Answer—counting people is not all a census is for… Information about the professions of the counted people is also captured during a census. Remember people are naturally good at what their fathers are good at. Rulers love there powerful army’s. Don’t you think trying to make sure the army is as strong as possible is something the rich fat bastards think about? Rulers always want to try to make the best people possible. Artificial insemination is nothing new. I think this is what makes the All Mighty Creator GOD in Heaven mad. So mad that GOD wipes out large numbers of people when it starts happening. Think about it; how hard is it really to do… get human eggs from strong young virgins then fertilize them with sperm from the strongest men, then slip fertilized eggs into unsuspecting women.
The word F.U.C.K. is an acronym: Fornication Under Consent of the King... Kings have always wanted to be in charge of who gets to breed, because they know children often follow in their parents’ footsteps… In order to keep the power Kings love to abuse, they need strong armys. Magic question time: What is the best way to insure the army stays strong? Answer - "controlled breading." Remember where the word F.U.C.K. comes from.
I can think of many ways to abuse this science. Sodom Husain said on national and worldwide television that he was the father of the Iraqi People, then he strengthened his point by saying he was in their milk. He was telling everybody what he did, but nobody got it, well almost nobody. Think about it; don’t you think Sodom Husain loved the way his sperm was collected. I’m pretty sure he did, and I’m not the only one that knows what the Nephilim are.
I have one more piece of evidence in support of this: Have you ever wondered why the United States of America was able to win 2 world wars after only 200 years of existence. This is what I think: None of that fucked up scientific cross breading of people was going on in the United States until after WWII.
Leaving GOD in charge of people making produces a much better nation. Citizens with a soul that is connected to our Creator are just better. Scientific people breading only produced pissed off soulless individuals. Life is going to suck real bad for all of us when GOD decides to cleans the earth of Nephilim. Again! As in the days of Noah, so shall it be when the son of man returns… Jesus said that.
CHAPTER 21
My Apologetics
Evolution and Creation are both theories. Neither can be proven. A faith based decision must be made. Which theory am I willing to believe?
My reasons for why I believe in Creation over Evolution are as follows:
To believe that we were created in the image of GOD, by GOD is just easier and requires a lot less faith than believing this universe and everything in it, developed on its own, over 4.55 billion years. That is absurd and completely unfathomable. A complex functioning vessel, such as I am, to exist without a designer, is erroneous. Believing that I evolved from a pool of primordial ooze is tantamount to believing that a tornado could fly through a junk yard and spit out a fully functional 747. That’s just a little bit comical. I can most assuredly state with complete accuracy; and I can promise you, that will never ever happen.
The Best evidence in support of Creation is the fact that our sun is a big ball of burning gas that gets a little smaller over time from spending it’s fuel. That’s right the sun is shrinking. Most of our scientists’ know this but chose not to tell everybody because this shrinking sun makes it hard to support an earth that has been going around our sun for 4.55 billion years. The average distance between the sun and the earth is 149 million kilometers (93 million miles). The sun shrinks at 8.295 miles each year. If that shrinkage rate of 8.295 miles a year is consistent; then dividing 93 million (The distance between earth and sun now) by 8.295 (The sun’s annual shrinkage) will show you that it was just over 11.2 million years ago when the earth was touching the sun… So to all U devoted Evolutionists—sorry about your bad luck: That’s not going to work now is it. Or is this just some old creationist canard?
The ancient Aztec civilization were sun worshipers, they knew everything about our sun and left lots of evidence lying around for us to discover this about them. The Aztec calendar runs out on December 21st 2012. Here’s why: The ancient Aztec people knew about the shrinkage of our sun. According to their understanding, the distance between the earth and sun would be at a distance that would cause changes to our planet so that life could no longer be supported here on planet earth.
Here’s something else to think about: Our finest scientist that successfully landed men on the moon had enough forethought to incorporate snow show like landing platforms on the first Lunar Lander. Here’s why: if our earth and moon have been going around our sun for 4.55 Billion years, then the space dust on the moon would be very deep. Without snow show like landing platforms; the thing would sink in the dust and tip over, leaving our astronauts’ stuck like chuck on the surface of the moon. That would really suck now wouldn’t it? However when the Lunar Lander landed on the surface of the moon everybody saw that the dust was only about ½ an inch; or about 10 thousand years worth… That’s right our scientist know exactly how much space dust hits the moon each year and there is just not enough space dust on the moon for it to have been going around our sun for 4.55 Billion years.
I realize that this material has been out there for quite some time now, and this evidence has done little to change the mind of many scientists. And I am no scientist, I’m only reciting the best evidence I have learned over the years in support of my belief in Creationism.
Now, if I am wrong and I have chosen the untrue to believe in, then in the end I lose nothing, because there is nothing in the end. However if I believe in the truth, then in the end is eternity. So I think it is just safer to believe in creation and a creator. Because in the end does it really matter what I or anybody else believes? If there is judgment day, whether or not you or I believe in it will make no difference at all.
Here’s the deal: I don’t have the equipment to accurately measure the sun’s diameter or the distance between the earth and sun. Nor can I tell anybody that I know exactly how much space dust falls on the moon each year. Most of us don’t. Here again I’m making a faith based decision. Which set of numbers and scientists am I going to believe? I chose to believe the numbers and the scientists that support Creation over Evolution because I want to be right about my choice and my faith. So I have studied and listened, read and sought truth most my adult life. After a life like mine it is hard to come to any other conclusion than there is an AWESOME Creator GOD in Heaven that loves me, he has spoken to me and taken care of me through a very tough and painful life…
From my personal experience is where I draw my own conclusive and objective reasons for my faith. Here is a compressive list of my most prevalent GOD shot experiences:
My first GOD shot happened when I lived in San Jose CA in 1987. I had purchased a shinny Corvette. I did it on credit. This thing was nice but, expensive. Shortly after I got the thing, buyer’s remorse set in, and I wanted out of the deal. I did the math on my income and my bills and oops I couldn’t afford the shinny thing. So I prayed to GOD, “Please GOD get me out from under this debt. I can’t afford it. I made a mistake. GOD I’m sorry and I need your help. Amen.”
Later that same day I was driving my Shinny Corvette in Redwood City and I was T—boned by a drunk. My Corvette was a total loss and my insurance took care of it… Prayer answered in the affirmative: Coincidence? I don’t think so, how about you?
My second GOD shot happened the next year 1988. My sponsor, Rick Wells and I went to St. Mary’s Glacier Just west of Denver Colorado up the hill on I-70. I left in a hurry that day and did not bring any shoes. When we got to the spot where we wanted to be; we got out of the car to hike into the wilderness. The trail was rocky and the rocks were sharp. My sponsor told me I was stupid for not wearing shoes for our little day trip to the mountains. I knew the day was about to be ruined because my feet were not tough enough for this rocky mountain trail. So I prayed this: “GOD my feet hurt I need shoes. Can you please send me some shoes?” As Rick and I walked around the next bend: O—M—G there was a pair of old sneakers right there on the trail just waiting for me… Sorry to mention your name Rick, but you were there with me on that one, and we agreed, GOD did it: Spooky huh?
It was 19 years later, May 2007 when I received my third GOD shot. That Day I prayed this: “GOD what should I do today?” Then the wee small voice telling me to get back to my room it’s going to be AWESOME… You already know the rest of this story and all the GOD shots that followed me around and protected me from the satanic attack on my life, causing me to spend 3 years homeless and broke, and doing my best to live well and enjoy it anyway, because after all, the best revenge really is, living well.
CHAPTER 22
SO WHAT— NOW WHAT
As I look back over my life and everything I’ve been through; I’m wondering why I went through it all… I still don’t know the WHY to this question. My strong faith tells me that my AWESOM GOD will finish the thing he started with me… He does things in His own way and in His own time; not mine.
What is the best I can do with this experience? Nobody wants to be cured of Alcoholism. Nobody wants to know about our own politicians killing people for political gain. Nobody cares about scientific people making. And nobody dam sure gives a crap about me pissing off some powerful people and spending almost 3 years homeless and broke as the Ten Commandments for doing so…
I think I did the best I possibly could. I stood my ground, I fought back and did the best I could with what I had, and I did not get myself killed or locked up permanently. I told lots of people, mostly cops, I’m pretty dam sure the rich fat bastards that own Clear Channel at least know who I am and what I think happened to me to cause the whole thing. I think I did come pretty dam close to breaking my story on the Peter Boils morning talk show 630KHOW out of Denver CO, and that is going to have to be good enough.
Here’s some Coincidental Numerology; or, maybe just maybe this is GOD’s finger print. I know what I believe. It is time for you to decide…
I have read the Bible many times and I think everybody knows the scripture in revelations that says the antichrist has a number, it’s the number of his name and that number is 666. One day I was broke as the 10 commandments; I was down on my luck without a truck or a buck stuck like chuck sleeping on the streets with no girls to fuck. So I asked myself, “HMM—I wonder what the number of the man’s name is, that put me in this situation?” So I did the math on his digits and came up with this.
William Jefferson Clinton
W = 23 + J = 10 + C = 3 IS 36 OR SPLIT IT 3 – 6’s BAM (666) EVIL
VS
Martin Allen McCall
M = 13 + A = 1 + M = 13 IS 27 OR SPLIT IT 2 – 7’s BAM (77) PERFECTION
I did the math on my digits and I came up with that. Not everybody knows this one, so let me tell you: 77 is GOD’S number for perfection or completion. There were 77 generations from Adam to Christ. Is this a coincidence? I don’t think so. You decide.
HMM—if I’m right and WJC really does equal—666; WJC isn’t a young spring chick anymore; maybe we really are in the last days… If I’m right: Next will come, the “Mark of the Beast.” No one will be able to buy or sell without having the Mark of the Beast either on their hand or forehead. Shit, after my homeless and broke adventure: Do you think I’m scared of not being able to buy or sell? HELL NO, I’m not scared at all. Bring it bitch! Don’t threaten me with a good time. I’ll do my best to enjoy it…
Here is another couple spooky Coincidences: The Day I finished this story at 33,777 words, O – M – G; I did the math on these digits and I was floored by this next one…
SUICIDE BY POLITICIAN (SBP)
S=19 + B=2 + P=16 IS 37 OR SPLIT IT 3 – 7′s BAM (777) OMNIPOTENCE
MY POEM OF SEVEN SEVENS
My conception of my AWESOME GOD Almighty:
· GOD is not mad at me. He never was.
· My life is GOD’s; it always was.
· There is a Devil. She/he is evil. He/she always was.
· I make mistakes. I always do.
· GOD loves me. He always has.
· He sent his Son to purchase me.
· His Son sent His Spirit to comfort me…
Do the deal everyday and be happy:
· Upon awakening pray ONLY for the knowledge of GOD’s will, and His power to carry that out.
· Pocket the Keys: Do not be rude or angry to anybody all day.
· Study to show yourself approved.
· Call a wise friend.
· Get Fellowship.
· Find someone that’s hurting and try to help.
· Before sleep thank GOD for your joyful day.
Do those seven to avoid these seven:
· Pride
· Greed
· Lust
· Anger
· Gluttony
· Envy
· Sloth
The dreaded, deadly, ugly, selfish PGLAGLES—YUCK
CHAPTER 23
February 20th 2011
It has been almost one year since I started my Job that Police Officer Brad Johnson helped me to get that got me off the street. Sure I would love to try rich and famous, and I tried real hard to make it happen. However I am very happy with this job and I will always be indebted to Brad Johnson and Bill Koon (my boss that hired me). I want so badly for Brad to always feel good and tell his grand children with joy about the wonderful thing he did for me, and I will always do my best to see to it that Bill Koon always looks good. If this is as good as it is going to get, then this is good enough for me. I have a nice life now and I’m very grateful to the good people GOD put in my life to make it all happen for me. Most people who wind up homeless and broke surviving on the street’s never get out of it, once they’re out there. The mean streets will take their toll. I am truly blessed and I know it. I am very appreciative.
Today is a day of gratitude for me. As I am getting use to life as a functioning member of society: I am so glad I am a friend of GOD. He calls me friend.
You know what? I’m going to praise GOD for a bit… Enjoy.
Here I am to worship. Here I am to bow down. Here I am to say that you’re my GOD.
And I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin up on that cross.
Amazing love how can it be, that U my king should die for me? Amazing love and I know it’s true, and it’s my Joy to honor U in all I do
I’m forgiven, because U were condemned.
You’re beautiful. U were meant for so much more than all of this.
Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful blessed be your name…
And when the darkness closes in Lord still I will say: Blessed be your name Lord blessed be your name.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. U R the everlasting GOD. He gives strength to the week and power to the powerless.
U R strength in my weakness, U R everything I need; R U strength in my weakness, U R everything in my time of need. U R everything I need. U R the refuge I seek. U R everything, U R everything I need.
And the voice of truth tells me a different story…
My Prayer:
Father GOD: Today I pray to U in the name of your son Jesus Christ. Father GOD I believe in my heart that U put a strong call on my life. I did at one time feel your anointing on me. I knew U was with me as my protector and provider. U spoke to me, I heard your voice. Today I am thinking about what it says in your word. “Many are called. Few are chosen.” Father GOD if I have failed you, I am sorry: And if so, is there anything I can do to make right the wrong that I have caused U? If there is anything that U require form me as proof of my desire to make right this wrong; please let me know. I am willing to go to any length to right this wrong… I will say this though: Father GOD I am now happy, joyous, free, Blessed and highly favored and empowered to prosper; I think that is your will for me, and for that I thank you. In Jesus name I pray, amen…
THE END
